How to Talk to People You Don’t Know

March 13th, 2010

Many people want to know how to talk to people you don’t know. You’re standing in the check-out line at the local grocery store and there’s a person standing next to you that you’d like to talk to. However, you think about what to say and a dozen other reasons why you can’t say anything.

It can become an anxiety provoking situation and prevent you from speaking the first words. You then might walk away wondering why you never spoke. Talking to people you don’t know can be a nerve racking experience, especially if you are not an outgoing person.

Here are some points to think about that might help you the next time you want to talk to someone you don’t know.

Let Go and Let It Happen

One of the greatest obstacles a person places in front of themselves, when they want to talk to someone they don’t know, is fear. Fear can make a person over analyze a situation, preventing them from taking the first step.

A person who fears talking to someone new is thinking about rejection and not about the potential of developing a new friendship.

Everyone who attempts to talk to someone they don’t is taking a chance at being rejected. The key is to not let the fear of that possibility prevent you from making the first move. Let go of thinking about the possibilities and let whatever happens happen.

Keep It Simple

Many people, especially men, think they have to throw out a long, catchy and interesting conversation starter to get to know someone new. When we do this it’s all about our ego and sending the message ‘you should talk to me because I’m intelligent’.

Actually, when you make the first move in getting to know someone you don’t know you should keep it simple, and keep your ego totally out of it. There is no quicker way to discourage someone from talking with you than to be long-winded and egotistical.

One way to keep it simple and keep your ego out of it is to make a positive comment about the other person’s clothing, an accessory or something else you observe about the person that can be used as a positive ice breaker.

For example, if you’re standing in the check out line and the person standing next to you is holding a product you like and use, you can use that as a conversation opening, maybe even giving them a suggestion regarding its use.

Listen, Listen, Listen, & Listen Some More

One of the most damaging things most of us do to our friendships and relationships, is not listening to the other person.

Many of us are so focused on what we want to say we can’t hear the other person and what they are trying to say to us. This is one of the gravest mistakes to make in any relationship and certainly will close the door to making new ones. Again, it goes back to letting go of the ego.

Listening to the other person is not just about eye-to-eye contact and nodding your head in understanding. This might get you by, but it’s not real unless you are actually absorbing what the other person is saying. That means turning off your internal voice and opening your ears.

A good way to do that is to paraphrase what the other person is saying. This will send the message that what they are saying is important to you.

Relax and Be Yourself

Whenever you are getting to know someone you don’t know it should be a fun experience, for yourself as well as the other person.

Everyone has something interesting about that makes them a unique person. And this uniqueness in each of us is what makes life fascinating. If you realize this it will be much easier for you to relax and be yourself: that’s really how to talk to people you don’t know.

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How to Talk to New People

March 10th, 2010

Talking to new people can be a bit of a frightening experience for many of us. We see a person that we want to introduce ourselves to but we are not quite sure what to say or even how to go about it.

Here are some things you can do to help you in how to talk to new people you just met.

Show Interest

Everyone likes to talk about themselves, and even more so when the person they are talking to is interested in what they are saying.

When someone is talking to you show you are interested by giving the appropriate responses to what they are saying. Saying things like ‘really’, ‘is that so’, or ‘wow’, shows the speaker you are listening and are interested in what they are saying.

Paraphrasing Means You Are Listening

Paraphrasing is saying back to the person, who is talking to you, what they just said, but in your own words.

Paraphrasing is the best way to let the other person that you are and have been listening to what they are saying, nearly hanging onto every word. It also clarifies that you understand what they are saying.

Maintain Eye Contact

Maintaining eye contact is a demonstration that you are a sincere individual and that what the other person is saying is important to you. It also shows that your attention is focused on the person who is speaking.

If your eyes wander around the room or become fixed on something else other than the person who is speaking then that sends the message that you have become bored with that person.

Failing to maintain a reasonable degree of eye contact is in fact disrespectful and rude. It also may indicate that you have something to hide and are not confident with yourself.

Smile and Be Friendly

For some, smiling and being friendly is easier said than done. But those are the people that other people try to avoid anyway. Few people like to talk with someone who is sad, angry, or rude.

To increase your opportunities to talk to new people be nice and friendly with the ones you currently talk to. People they talk to may get to hear about you and a good reputation will go before you. So make it a habit to always put your best face on with a friendly spirit in your heart.

Have A Pleasant Voice

No matter who you are talking to there is never a reason for you to raise your voice in a threatening way. When people do this it puts the other on the defense.

When people perceive a threat, whether it’s real or not, their brains automatically go into self-preservation mode. This is certainly not a way to start talking to someone new.

Be Humble

Being humble is a key, not only to talking to new people, but to living life in general.

Humility, although some may not realize it, is perhaps the most attractive quality any human being can possess. It’s a belief that says everyone is equal to you and that it’s fine to make mistakes from time to time.

This attitude makes talking to new people much easier and more comfortable as they will feel they can open up to you, without you feeling that you feel superior to them.

Be Respectful

When you are talking to someone new, always talk to them with respect.

This means watching the language you choose to use. There is nothing more disrespectful than using inappropriate language in a conversation with someone you don’t know.

Also, pay attention to your body language. That says a lot about whether you are being respectful or not and it a lot more difficult to conceal than the meaning in your words.

These are just a few key points in how to talk to new people and they should help you out in getting off on the right foot with people you meet.

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How to Talk to Negative People

March 7th, 2010

Negativity can be difficult to deal with and if you are not careful it can sap your own energy. However, you can learn to talk to negative people.

1. Avoid them

The first thing you might want to do with negative people is avoid them. If they always seem to lack hope and make negative or derogatory remarks, then they are probably someone that you don’t want to have in your life. You may have to be strong and cut off contact with someone who is habitually negative.

However, it is not always possible to avoid negative people; sometimes you just have to deal with them, and here is how to do that and remain positive yourself.

2. Realize what the problem is

Too often when we meet negative people, we blame ourselves for the problem. We think we didn’t make them like us or we did something to upset them. That is not always the case.

If you analyze your communication and you find no fault, and that you maintained a polite, respectful and positive attitude and you were still met with negativity, accept that you are not to blame and that the other person has to take the responsibility for their own negativity.

3. Ask what’s wrong

If you are met with a negative attitude, sometimes (more often than not) it can be fixed if you approach it in the right manner.

So, do not be judgemental, but ask politely and calmly, “is something wrong?” or “you seem upset; why is that?” The person with the negative attitude may actually be glad of the opportunity to talk about how they are feeling and this is often the fastest way to resolve the negativity.

4. Remain positive

Don’t let the other person’s negativity drag you down and make you negative too. Sometimes you will meet people who revel in being negative. It’s like a game to them and they will enjoy countering everything you say. Don’t let that get to you and make you negative too.

You and you alone are responsible for how you feel. You have the power to choose whether to allow someone else’s negative attitude to affect you badly.

In that respect, you have to accept that conversations are two-way processes and let go of your need to control everything about how the conversation goes. Unfortunately, you don’t get to do that so give up trying to control every aspect of the conversation. It may be that you can’t turn it around and make them positive, in every instance.

5. Be encouraging

It could be that the person who is habitually negative is actually depressed and needs professional help. Especially if you know this person well, you could be sensitive but suggest that they seek help for how they are feeling.

6. Be specific

You can suggest things which counter their negative points, if you wish. You will often find that negative people make sweeping generalizations like “it’s all gone wrong” or “I can’t do this anymore”. You can often help them be less negative by getting down to the specifics of the problem, which they then see is not as bad as they first feared.

However, don’t be offended if your points are rejected. Choose to adopt a positive attitude. As was mentioned earlier, you alone are in charge of how you feel.

When you meet with negative people you don’t have to become negative too. Remain upbeat and remember that being specific is how to talk to negative people. Often, you can then reverse their negativity for a better outcome of the conversation for all concerned.

Tags: Communication Skill , Conversation Skills Help
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