We started a new Facebook page this month. You can “Like” our page and stay up to date with our new videos and insights at:
Use this link to go to Facebook to see our new page and then click Like.
Like this page today so that you don`t miss out on any of the new videos we are releasing. We don`t post those videos to this blog.
Want to be the spark that ignites any conversation? Want the ultimate conversation starter tips?
Because so much of the teaching on communication skills tends to focus on what to say and when to say it we can easily overlook what is perhaps much more important. Yes, there is a critical element that drives all conversation and if you neglect it your interactions will often be flat and dull.
I am talking of course about the energy and enthusiasm you bring to the conversation. When you glow with energy and warmth people will gravitate to you. When you make people feel good they want to get to know you, they want to talk to you and they can`t help been fascinated by you.
A high energy individual can light up a room to such a degree that what he says is of secondary interest to the group. That energetic buzz gives everyone a lift and it drives the dynamics of the conversation. Its almost like having a celebrity in your peer group.
And what are the implications for you?
To become a great conversationalist pay attention to your physical and emotional energy levels. Before a big social event prepare so that on the big day you will be refreshed, fit and healthy. And for day to day interactions take better care of yourself so that your diet and lifestyle gives you energy and vitality. That way you`ll have the emotional juice to bounce into action when you deal with people.
Knowing all the best conversation topics will help you talk to anyone you meet but having high energy will boost your confidence and enthusiasm so that you can approach more people, drive the conversations and be the one others want to meet.
On the other hand when we are tired in a stressful situation our self-confidence can evaporate when we need it most. Meeting people then becomes a difficult and tense experience that we want to avoid.
What can you do to have an energetic glow in any conversation?
1. Talk to an expert and redesign your diet so that it gives you energy and vitality rather than only pleasure. Diet is a complex matter so do your research and follow the guidance of an expert with a successful track record.
2. Take time each day for recuperation and reflection. The busier we get the more important it is to have time to pause. Even 10 minutes two or three times a day alone and in silence will help you to refocus, recharge and notice what you are doing rather than rushing around on autopilot.
3. Make it a priority to do more of what you love each day. Our interests can bring us a lot of happiness and joy. Maybe you love listening to certain kinds of music but never have a chance to listen.
Or maybe you have a hobby you have always loved but again you never have the time anymore.
Do your best to fit these passion activities into your day and week even if it is only for 30 minutes here and there. Doing what you love is energising.
These passions ignite your enthusiasm for life and cause you to have a spring in your step. This joy then transfers to all other aspects of your life. For this reason you must find even a little time for what you love. Do this and you`ll have that special glow – the quality that supercharges how you talk and interact with others.
4. Stop beating yourself up for supposed errors, failures and ommissions. Disapproving of yourself is not only destructive it serves no useful purpose. If you have made mistakes then learn from them and correct your approach.
The problem with disapproving of ourselves is that it dampens our self-esteem. We start to believe we are unlikeable and that others won`t want to talk to us unless they have to. This in turn affects how we talk – we become withdrawn, cautious and unsure of what to say.
This is a recipe for terrible communication skills and a sure fire formula for losing friends and alienating people. And it all comes back to beating yourself up.
For this reason you need to forgive yourself for your past mistakes, learn from them and move on. You are doing yourself a disservice by continuing to punish yourself without end.
As you work on accepting yourself more something interesting happens – other people become more accepting of you! It then gets easier and easier to meet people and make great conversation. Again it is a matter of energy, when you love and appreciate yourself you will be more energetic and enthusiastic because you are not holding yourself back anymore.
To wrap up, make it a priority to let your light shine. Energy and enthusiasm are like magic in bringing life to a conversation. Make it a priority to become more energetic and you`ll see a positive shift in how people interact with you.
This is a typical problem that many people face; others ignore them when they’re speaking. So, why don’t people listen to you when you’re talking? There are a number of reasons; let’s examine some.
1. A physical problem
This is a fairly simple and basic problem; the person might be hard of hearing. If this is the case, get them to a doctor for a hearing test, and then maybe a hearing aid is all they need.
2. You’re the problem
The flip side to the first point is that maybe you are just not speaking up enough. If you find that many people aren’t listening to you when you speak, it could be due to you.
Ask someone that you respect if you have a volume problem, and then work to correct it. You can try something as simple as practicing public speaking to taking a speech class.
Another excellent option is taking an acting class and even appearing in some plays. All of these steps will contribute to you learning to enunciate properly and project your voice.
3. They’re too self-absorbed
In some cases, people are so wrapped up in their own lives and concerns that they just don’t want to listen to you – or anyone else. With these people, it can be very difficult to get them to listen to you. About the only way is to put the subject in terms of how it will affect them.
4. They don’t like you or care about what you have to say
Sometimes, why people don’t listen has less to do with what you are saying, and more to do with who you are. It could be an older sibling who doesn’t respect you, a co-worker who is jealous of your work record or abilities, or even a classmate who doesn’t like that you got a higher grade on a recent test.
Depending on the degree of animosity the person feels toward you, you might be able to talk to them and resolve the issue. In some cases, the enmity may run deep, and getting the person to listen to you may be quite difficult, but that is no reason not to try.
5. They don’t like or agree with what you have to say
This is a very common problem, these days; especially in the area of politics. Just tune your TV to any news or opinion program and you will hear people talking about Death Panels and government takeovers, Global Warming and various 9/11 conspiracy theories. Yet, if you try to convince them that they’re wrong – they will not listen.
In some cases, people just don’t want to listen to any view that disagrees with theirs. On the other hand, some people can be swayed if you present them with enough facts; it really depends on the person, and the issue you’re debating.
6. They have a vested interest in not listening
This goes hand in hand with point five. The people on the TV shows that claim Death Panels exist, the US government was behind 9/11, and other horrors have a reason for not listening to anyone who disagrees with them. For them, it’s how they earn their living.
This is a problem that has existed for decades, if not centuries; there are people who will not listen to any view that contradicts theirs, because it would hurt their ability to make money. With these people, accept that you are not going to get them to listen.
When trying to deal with the issue of why people don’t listen to what you or someone else have to say, there are numerous reasons. Examine the ones listed here, and see if the answer can help you to overcome the problem.
