Monthly Archives: July 2004

Say Adios to the Fear of Rejection!

Do you ever get an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach
when you have to approach someone?

In situations like this does your mind go blank?

This is not unusual. That feeling is often the fear of
rejection.

When you feel afraid your emotions take over, you feel
tense and your ability to think logically vanishes into
thin air.

And that is why you can talk to close friends without a
care in the world but never know what to say when you meet
new people. i.e. emotions cloud your thinking.

What is the answer to this challenge?

You need to take charge of the fear of rejection:

1. Imagine the worst case scenario.

Run it through in your mind. How will you handle rejection
if it does happen?

Our fears often take on a life of their own. However when
you can stop for a moment and plan in advance, whatever
does happen is usually not so bad after all.

Once you accept this you will feel more relaxed and better
able to deal with what does happen.

2. Decide what rejection means

When we react emotionally to rejection we can usually come
up with some awful reasons why people reject us, such as:

– People dislike me
– I am a failure
– I am not worthy of their approval
– I am not good with people

These limiting thoughts are only making things worse for
you. And the strange thing is that only you can choose what
rejection means for you.

Meaning is a choice so why not choose more empowering
meanings? Such as:

– I need to change my approach
– I can get better by learning a better way
– He is having a bad day and is too busy to talk

Decide what rejection really means before it happens and
you will feel a lot better about yourself if it does happen.

Like I always say…

Knowing what to say is not just a matter of what words to
speak, that is only the tip of the iceberg, ninety per cent
of the solution depends on you taking charge of your
emotional and mental states.

When you do this you will be able to talk to anyone you
meet with the same ease you talk to close friends.

One final point…

Are these techniques designed to be used once? No!

These strategies will in time become part of who you are
and how you live. Like any skill the more you use them the
better you will get.

Aim to improve slightly each and everyday and you will make
huge progress in the coming weeks and months. As long as
you make it a daily habit.

Doing a little now and again and expecting rapid progress
is like exercising once a month and expecting to be slim
and fit.

Aim for steady, gradual improvement and you will grow even
faster than you expect!

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence.

Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

Do You Make These Common Mistakes When Talking to People?

Many moons ago. Talking to people was something I avoided where possible.

At the time, I did not know I was unconsciously setting myself up for failure. I kept making the same mistakes without even noticing what I was doing wrong.

You may be doing the same thing.

Here are three common mistakes together with tips on how to deal with them:

1. Judging Your Performance Against Unrealistic Standards

Be honest with yourself.

Accept that where you are now in terms of your communication skills is only your starting point – not your finishing point. And assess your performance and your progress against your typical level of effectiveness. Not against some desired state of perfection or ultimate goal.

Goals are very important as a destination to aim for but do not use long term goals as a standard to judge your current performance against – that is a recipe for disillusionment and massive frustration.

I know. Because I tried it!

2. The Failure To Learn Each Day

As people we can be lazy. This means that a lack of follow through on our goals can go unnoticed. After all we can always catch up some other day.

This attitude will kill your dreams faster than you can spell failure.

When I started to make massive improvements in how I related to people I dedicated myself to becoming excellent.

Once I had proven strategies the rest was easy. I just applied the material each day. I improved each day becauseI made it a priority and because I committed to applying the material.

Now…

I also know people who learned the same peak performance strategies I learned. Today they are no farther ahead than they were years ago.

How did they pull that off?

By putting it off until another day and by neglecting to use what they had learned. Implementation is crucial.

If you do this your progress is a certainty.

3. Attempting To Be Original

Many years ago I put myself under huge pressure by expecting myself to be original with each person I met.

This is a sure-fire strategy for failure and a great way to get stressed out for no reason.

Guess what I later discovered?

There is no need to be original. You can have the same conversation all day long with different people and nobody will suspect a thing!

People are happy to talk about mundane topics because there is no effort involved.

I have lived or worked in several countries including Ireland, England, Germany, Holland, Spain and the U.S.

And everywhere I have been people are happy to talk all day about:

– the weather
– their children
– the new movie
– the family pet
– the boss
– the traffic

You get the idea!

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence.

Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at:http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm