Monthly Archives: August 2004

Three Great Ways to Deal with Negative People

1 Do not believe everything you hear!

With close friends and family it is not unusual to think that you
ought to take onboard everything you hear. However do not confuse
caring with knowing.

Just because someone is concerned for your welfare does not mean
that their advice or input has value. For example, I know a lot
about peak performance. I do not know much about car maintenance.

If I ever offer you advice on rebuilding a car engine run as fast
as you can! My input would have little or no value.

Likewise with friends and family. They may be negative about you,
your plans and your opinions simply because they lack the
knowledge to think positively about the situation. Their
ignorance causes them to fear for your welfare.

Distinguish between caring and the knowledge to offer worthwhile
input.

2 Let go of needing their approval:

I often mention this principle because it is so important. As
long as you must have the permission, approval and
acceptance of your peers you are a victim of their limiting
beliefs.

You must let go of wanting approval if you are to ever have
peace of mind.

The easiest way is to learn The Sedona Method. To get started
right now ask yourself — could I let go of wanting John´s
approval? Where John is the name of the negative person.

Notice the feeling response that comes up for you and repeat the
question for at least twenty minutes until you feel lighter and
more at peace.

Do this regularly to reclaim your independence from negative
people.

3 Eliminate your own negative thoughts:

Often friends reflect back the negatives you quietly hold inside
your own mind. If you were 100 per cent positive about your life
and your plans it would not matter if people close to you were
negative.

In fact their negative comments might even make you laugh because
their opinions would seem so absurd to you.

You can become more positive by reading books that expand your
knowledge and understanding, spending more time with positive,
dynamic people and by stretching yourself daily.

By stretching I mean challenging yourself to perform better than
your previous best. When you make stretching to be more part of
your life your belief in what is possible grows and grows at a
furious pace. Before long you will not have room for negative
thoughts.

Choose to find a positive in all things and it quickly becomes a
habit that will transform your experience of life. I am always
asking myself:

— what is good about this?

— what is great about this?

— what have I learned from this that makes me stronger?

Ask yourself the right questions and redirect your mind back onto
the positive.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:
http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

3 Secrets to Developing Superior People Skills

1. If What You Are Doing Is Not Working Change Your Approach

When I was in school I always had a small group of close friends
but I never found it easy meeting new people. By the time I
reluctantly entered the work force it was clear that my
communication skills were limiting my progress.

The fact that I was as capable or even more capable than my
peers meant little when I was unable to create a favorable
impression.

I needed to become a lot more confident, dynamic and charming.

And I did. I changed my approach once I learned how to by
studying advanced communication skills.

What would have happened if I did not change my approach? Year
after year I would have become more and more frustrated and
bitter.

I could easily have adopted the world view that nothing ever
works out for me and before long I would have spent most of my
time with other negative people.

Things do not change until you change. Doing nothing is not an
option in case you actually think it is. The trend will continue
and reach its natural conclusion until you change the trend.

Decide to change and look for answers. The clock is ticking. And
the time to begin is now.

2. Learn From People Who Get Results

It is easy to get advice when you have a problem. Everyone has an
opinion! However unless that person has proven expertise in that
area be careful about following his advice.

On the other hand when you want to become better at something all
you really need to do is to open your eyes. Who do you know who
excels at that activity? Who has already solved that problem in
their own life?

Recently I was walking around town with a friend who invests in
property. Now a lot of people own their own home and even a
second home. This man is different. He owns several million
dollars worth of residential property and a hotel.

Maybe he would be a good person to talk to if you want to learn
how to make money in property!

As we walked around I asked him lots and lots of questions. He
is very patient with me! I was amazed how much I could learn in
minutes just by asking the right questions of someone with the
right answers.

3. Invest In Your Future

I have always been fascinated at how quickly my life can change
once I learn and use new distinctions. Think about it. The only
thing stopping you from succeeding in any area of life is a lack
of knowledge. And if you commit to learning you can bridge that
gap.

Let us say your goal is to be the CEO of the largest company in
your town or city.

What is stopping you?

Knowledge and skills. And these can be learned. You can acquire
the knowledge and mental skills, the people skills and the
ability to handle pressure.

Obviously you will choose a goal that will make you happy and
avoid occupations that you are not suited to. You will naturally
favor goals that build on your interests and aptitudes.

How are you going to quickly acquire the skills you need to move
ahead in your life? The fastest way is to invest money in courses
and books that reveal the strategies you need.

Consider how much money you spend each year to service your car.
The cost of oil changes, new tires and other repairs. Not to
mention insurance.

Do you spend this much on servicing and upgrading your skills?
And No this is not the responsibility of your employer. Your
company only spends on you to achieve the corporate goals not
your goals.

The first time I attended a huge three day personal development
seminar it was with several thousand people. And I learned a lot
in the car park! I noticed at 3 A.M. when the first day ended
that the car park was full of very expensive luxury cars.
Porsche, Rolls Royce, Jaguar, Bentley and Ferrari.

It was then that I understood what separates the most successful
people from everyone else. A lifetime commitment to learning and
a willingness to invest in their own development.

Do you want to step up and join those at the top of your field?
It is easier than you think because most people prefer to do
nothing and hope that things will somehow get better.

Take action and invest today in a bright new future.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:
http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

4 Ways To Avoid Looking Stupid When Making Small Talk

The fear of saying something silly and feeling embarrassed stops
many of us from contributing more to discussions at work and when
we are relaxing with friends.

And ironically the more we worry about it, the more tense we get
and the more likely we are to say something stupid.

Let us a take a look at some remedies:

1 Learn to relax when you feel under pressure.

I often talk about the importance of managing your emotions

This is an essential skill.

There are a wide range of courses and books that you can refer to
if you want to learn more about relaxation.

When you feel relaxed it is easier to think on your feet and to be
flexible when you need to be.

2 Prepare Yourself

Before a social gathering get ready to have something to talk about.

With the internet on your PC there is no excuse for not becoming
well informed about the world. The more knowledge you have the more
conversations you can contribute to.

Make a point though of reading up on a variety of subjects otherwise
your conversation topics will be limited to what interests you the
most. And those topics may not interest your friends as much.

3 Become genuinely interested in other people

One of the big secrets to conversation power is to shut up! We
are all a lot more interested in ourselves than in anyone else.

When there is a long silence encourage the other person to talk
by asking questions and taking an active interest in the answers.

Take charge of the situation if you want the conversation to
continue.

4 Stupid Statements Are Allowed!

If you say something stupid it is not the end of the world. If
you try to hide your error then the situation can become chaotic
very quickly.

It is far better to just admit that you made a mistake. Also,
accept that even smart people say stupid things some times.

As long as you accept that you will make mistakes you have
nothing to worry about. Expecting yourself to be perfect is
unfair and just sets you up for failure.

All you need to do now is to decide how you will deal with these
mistakes when they do happen.

5 Enjoy The Silence!

When there is a long silence in a conversation what normally
passes through your mind? Do you judge it as bad? Do you feel
under pressure to speak?

The other person has created the silence with you. Why not wait
for him to speak first? Take the responsibility off your shoulders.
It takes at least two people to have a conversation.

Finally, the reason silence can be uncomfortable is because you
become self conscious. You become very aware of your own thoughts
and feelings

There is one great way to deal with this. Put your attention on
something outside of yourself by paying great attention to the
other person and whatever is going on around you in the room.

Become fascinated by what you see and hear and you will forget
about your own concerns.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:
http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm