Monthly Archives: September 2004

People Skills and Success

people skills’ Training Center opens in Escondido, CA Regularly scheduled seminars available for executives, entrepreneurs & employees to improve necessary skills for success in the new economy.

‘People Skills’ expert, Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, has announced the opening of the Optimize! Institute on January 21st in Escondido, California based conveniently in the Holiday Inn Express just off Highway I-15. The Optimize! Institute offers regularly scheduled, targeted training in conflict & anger management, mediation, negotiation, communication & networking for entrepreneurs, executives & employees.

(this news reinforces the importance of people skills in business.)

“Research studies show that up to 42% of an employee’s time is spent engaging in or attempting to resolve conflict.” – Daniel Dana, ‘Conflict Resolution’, McGraw Hill, 2001

Clearly, people skills are essential for business success…

Improving communication and conflict management skills has been proven time and again to BENEFIT organizations on every level from performance to profit. Optimize! Institute delivers expert facilitation & training in these areas through in-person seminars, web-based learning, teleseminars & custom onsite development for small & large businesses. All in all, people skills are covered from every angle.

“Effectively managing day-to-day interactions in the workplace – particularly the negative ones – makes you more competent, capable and confident, both as an employee or as a manager,” says Dr. Rhoberta Shaler. “Your workplace is not only more peaceful but it is more productive & profitable. No down time from unnecessary squabbles, hurt feelings or regrettable conversations… and who doesn’t want that?”

“The ‘ostrich technique’”, says Shaler, “is simply costing businesses big bucks every day. Burying their heads in the sand and thinking conflict will go away is a waste of time, energy, personnel and dollars. Poor work ethics, surly attitudes and off-hand service drives people away—both employees and customers!“

The difference between successful, efficient, respected businesses and those thinking of closing their doors may very well be found in their ‘people skills’—internally & externally. Unresolved conflict can be costly to the individuals involved and the entire organization. So costly, in fact, it was reported in ‘Violence in the Workplace” by Erik Van Slyke, that ‘over 65% of performance problems in the workplace result from strained relationships between employees—and NOT from skill based deficits or lack of appropriate motivation.”

Optimize! Institute is positioned to be the premier facility for ‘people skills’ training in Southern California. The convenience of web- & telephone-based learning options creates a comprehensive program that is accessible to anyone, anywhere, anytime.

Executives & entrepreneurs can get the exact skills they need, delivered in concise, intensive three-hour programs, onsite, off-site or on the phone. The website outlines program offerings and registration along with informative articles, bi-weekly electronic newsletter and other supportive materials.

Now, you know it´s not just me talking about the importance of people skills at work. In fact, people skills are key for success in life.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at:

How To Win Friends And Influence People Not!

how to win friends and influence people depends on getting rapport so read on for…

Four Common Rapport Building Mistakes:

Get these wrong and you have no chance when it is time to win
friends and influence people.

1 Pretending You Are Interested When You Are Not

Do yourself a favor and be honest with yourself and the people
you spend time with. If you are really not interested in the
topic of conversation say so. This is key if you really want to
win friends and influence people.

If possible change the subject or simply postpone that
particular conversation until another time.

Obviously if there is a danger of offending the other person you
will have to less direct. In these situations it helps to find
out right away what the other person wants or expects from you.

Th conversation will right away become very relevant to you and
maintaining interest is a lot easier.

2 Disliking The Other Person

If you do not like the person you are talking to it will come
across at some level. Ask yourself — what could I like about
this person? This will help put you in a better frame of mind.

And look for things you have in common by asking yourself – how
is this person like me?

We all have something in common and commonality builds rapport.
Look for it and you will find it.

If you mechanically attempt to get rapport with people while
secretly disliking them you will never get that deep rapport you
are aiming for. In fact if your focus is on how much you dislike
the person you will not even want rapport and instead you will be
setting yourself up for conflict.

3 Wanting Rapport With Everyone You Meet

I made this mistake when I first learned the advanced
communication skills I cover in my book.

All of a sudden, for the first time, I was able to get rapport
with anyone I met. So I did.

And I recommend you do the same to a point. With one exception.
There are some people you do not want to be getting deep rapport

Take someone who is like a raging bull with a deep resentment and
hate for themselves and other people. Do you really want to feel
the same way? If you get deep rapport you will feel some of the
same feelings.

While you may need to be effective around such people keep your
focus on your real goal. Deal effectively with the individual and
maintain your own emotional state regardless of how upset the other
person is.

Pay attention to your emotional state when dealing with negative
people, manipulative people and others who will drain your energy.
With these people rely more on the weakest element of rapport –
words. And manage your body language without following their lead.

4 Not Speaking Their Language

We all have one primary sense whether it be visual, auditory or
feelings based that dominates our perception of the world.

You need to get good at spotting which modality other people use
and match their world to get rapport quickly and easily.

If someone is in a visual mode their words will be dominated by
words that express what they see. For example the car is red with
a white soft top and a huge back seat.

Whereas the auditory person describes the car in a different way:
it sounds like a lion roaring when you start the engine and the
CD player fills the car with deep, rich sounds that dance around
your ears.

Finally the person most attuned to their feelings notices the
smooth soft sensation of the leather seats and the warm firm
feeling when they hold the steering wheel.

If you use the wrong modality for the person you are talking to
it makes it harder for him to understand you. You have to work
harder to get rapport.

And when you speak to several people at once make sure you use
visual, auditory and feeling words to make sure you appeal to

Make a point of paying attention to the dominant modality your
friends and family use. And you may have a breakthrough when you
finally discover why you are not getting deep rapport with some
of them while more easily getting along with other people.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at:

You´ll soon get rapport and enjoy knowing how to win friends and influence people.

How To Be Confident

Want to know how to be confident?

Confidence is easy When You Know How…

Having confidence is all about believing in yourself and
the only way you can build your belief in what you are
capable of is by taking action in the world and learning
through trial and error.

(That is the secret to how to be confident.)

If you think success, happiness and love are going to happen
without learning through mistakes along the way you are

Our brains are wired to learn from our own experiences as
well as those of others. Without experience how are you
going to learn anything?

Let me give you an example. At my local bank a number of
weeks ago I attempted to make small talk with the cashier
and she completely ignored me.

Last week I was in the bank and tried my small talk routine
again, and again I failed. She ignored me again!

There are a number of ways to view this situation:

1 My communication strategy is not working
2 I need to change my approach
3 I will learn from this experience and become better

A number of years ago I would have given this situation a
different analysis:

1 She is rude and ignorant. She thinks I am a moron
2 I feel crushed by this blatant rejection
3 My confidence depends on this person liking me
4 Time to find a new bank!

Notice the difference…

My old outlook sets me up for pain and frustration and puts
the ball in the court of the other person. My confidence
depends on how the other person responds.

My new outlook puts me in control. I created the results I
am getting, I can choose to change my approach and I can
decide to learn and grow from every experience.

A second point worth mentioning is that of wanting something
from someone versus giving.

When you approach dealing with other people as getting
something from them you will always have confidence issues
instead view conversations as giving and you are back in

With the bank cashier if I want to get something from her I
focus on wanting her to accept me and this neediness will
be picked up by her. She is unlikely to respond positively
to this.

If instead I give what I want then I will decide to accept
her. And she will receive my acceptance and likely reflect
it back to me.

My confidence then is based on giving – something I am in
charge of not someone else.

Now it is time for you to take this information and put it
into action.

Think of a situation where you are typically not as
confident as you would like to be.

If the reason is due to a lack of knowledge or ability then
work on that first. If you do have the necessary skills
then decide to take action and learn step by step from
every experience.

Start with a small challenge and gradually step up to
bigger ones.

Remember to use this outlook:

1 What is working and what is not working?
2 Change your approach until you get the results you want
3 Decide to learn from every experience

Your confidence is under your control and is not controlled
by someone else!

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals
the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate
with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available
for a limited time only at:

How to be confident is a question of strategy!