Monthly Archives: September 2004

7 Quick And Easy Tips To Rescue A Sinking Conversation

When a conversation is not working out there is the
potential for massive frustration or a breakthrough
depending on how you look at it.

Here are seven sure-fire ways to turn it around…

1 Question your assumptions about the other person

Perhaps the breakdown in communication is based on rumors
that have no basis in reality. You may be unfairly judging
the other person and filtering every word he speaks because
of a false image of who he really is.

Have you ever harshly judged someone and found out later you
were completely in the wrong? Make sure you are not making
the same mistake again.

2 Ask for clarification

Ask the other person to fill in the gaps that are causing
you to lose your grasp on the train of thought.

Asking questions demonstrates your interest in a positive
outcome and is to be encouraged. Never worry about looking
stupid for asking for more information. The smartest people
value information and are always ready to ask for more.

3 Are you really listening?

Check that you are really paying attention and not just
pretending to be. Change your posture, pay close attention
to how the other person is talking and demand more of
yourself.

Become more attentive simply by choosing to be.

4 Address the issue directly

Be direct and say aloud that you feel the conversation is
not working out. Often the other person will agree and
together the two of you will be able to work to correct the
situation.

Two minds are better than one!

5 Ask for help

If you often have trouble conversing with a particular
person get advice from someone that knows the other person.
Very often by doing this you will get new insights you can
act on right away.

And someone who is removed from the situation will have the
objectivity you need to make sense of the chaos you have
created.

6 Take a break

Sometimes the timing just is not right. Reschedule the
conversation for a later time when you are better prepared,
more rested or not as distracted by other issues.

Forcing something to work out when the odds are stacked
against you is difficult and often unnecessary. Get back to
it later when you are feeling more capable and you will
make better decisions and with less effort.

7 Aim for good not perfect

Sometimes we hold such high standards for ourselves that we
can never win. If you demand 100 per cent success at all
times you are setting yourself up for constant
disappointment. Do your best and aim to learn and improve
from every experience.

Be kinder to yourself and you will be more relaxed in all
of your dealings with other people. And ironically your
performance will improve because you are not being so hard
on yourself.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals
the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate
with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available
for a limited time only at:
http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

The Secret Way to Beat Shyness

Have you ever found yourself in a social gathering and felt
intimidated? Maybe the whirlwind of negative thoughts in your
head stopped you meeting new people, joining a conversation or
participating fully.

If only you could take charge of your thoughts. You could have
a lot of fun, be yourself and make lots of new friends!

How To Switch Off Negative Thoughts:

1 Use Your Secret Pressure Point

On the roof of your mouth directly behind your two front teeth
there is a fleshy ball at the point where your gums meet the back
of your front teeth.

If you touch this pressure point with the tip of your tongue you
will find that the chatter inside your head eases off
dramatically.

Without realizing it a lot of the time your tongue makes very
slight movements to match the inner talk inside your head. Stop
the tongue from moving and the chatter stops.

Touching the pressure point with your tongue also helps to relax
you which is a useful benefit when you are already feeling
anxious at a social gathering.

2 Interrupt The Pattern

Your mind can only pay attention to one thing at a time. Take
your mind off of negative thoughts by giving your mind something
else to focus on.

I often listen to my favorite music when I want to switch my
attention off of negative thoughts. This can be when I am driving
or when I am in the house.

If I am socializing and I want to interrupt the pattern of
limiting thoughts I will listen to my favorite music only this
time I recall the memory and hear it inside my head.

A friend of mine with a very stressful job has a great way to
start his day. He listen to the James Bond theme tune up loud
while he is shaving. Doing this makes him laugh as well as
energizing him.

Later in the day it is easy for him to recall the tune if he
needs to distract his mind and get off of the negatives.

You can do the same thing.

3 Preparation With Disaster Planning

One other way to take charge of the negative thoughts is to
prepare before the social event by discovering and dealing with
the negative thoughts before they surface.

Make a list of all the things that could embarrass you. Write down
all the things that could go wrong. And then brainstorm awkward
situations you might find yourself in.

Really indulge yourself and let your imagination run riot!

Now! For each hazardous situation write down three ways to deal
effectively with the situation. Take your time at this.

Once you have finished this exercise you will feel more confident
because you will know you can handle whatever happens.

For example, you are afraid to approach someone to initiate a
conversation. Why? Get specific! What could go wrong?

The person might laugh at you, ignore you, walk away and leave
you looking stupid or just insult you.

You get the point. I am exaggerating how bad it could be so as to
cover all possibilities.

How would I handle the situation if the person laughed at me and
then insulted me before walking way? What three options could I
use?

1 Follow the person and laugh at them!

2 Count myself lucky I did not spend any more time with such a
rude person before immediately moving on to someone else.

3 Tell everyone else how rude that person is. That ought to get
their attention and sympathy.

Finally, realise that dealing with people is down to mathematics.
For every 20 people you meet you may bump into a moron. Now that
you have already met the moron it is time to meet the 19 nice
people who would love to meet you!

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at:
http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

7 Simple Ways To Have Great Conversations

7 Simple Ways To Have An Endless Supply Of Great Conversation Topics

Do you ever get stuck for words or experience embarrassing
silences when you meet people?

If you do, you need to apply these 7 tips right away…

1. Use Topics Of Conversation That Worked Before

It is a mistake to feel you have to be original each time
you meet a new person. Reuse jokes, stories and news that
people have found interesting and entertaining before.

What has worked before is likely to work again.

2. Discover The Other Person´s Passion

We all love talking about what excites us. Ask questions to
find out what makes their life worth living.

It could be dogs, cats, children, music etc. Be a detective
and find out. Your reward will be someone who is delighted
to talk to you.

3. Keep Up To Date With The News

Go to Google News each day to stay current on what is going
on in the world. Pick a few stories to talk about.

http://news.google.com/

You can read the headlines and also do a search on any
topic that comes to mind. This way you will never run out
of things to discuss.

4. Brainstorm Topics Of Conversation

You can do this quickly and easily at this keyword map site:

http://www.kwmap.com/

Type a word into the box in the middle of the screen and
you will be presented with related words and phrases.

If I type in pizza, I get words and phrases such as pizza
hut, pizza delivery, pasta, Ialian and delivery.

How is this useful?

Let´´s say I am going to a pizza party I could do this
brainstorming exercise beforehand. And then think up
anecdotes and personal stories for each related topic. At
the party I will be ready to chat.

You can do the same in anticipation of likely conversation
topics related to the event you will attend.

5. Use The Principle Of Reciprocity

Give first to receive. You need to offer some personal
disclosure to allow others to get to know you. And when you
tell them a little about yourself they will feel obliged to
return the favor.

There is no need to reveal overly personal details just
keep it to small talk. It is easy to mention what you have
been doing that day or that week.

6. Each Day Brainstorm Word Associations

People who love to talk and who never seem to pause for
breath have a knack for taking one idea or topic and moving
onto a related one. They do this all day long.

How do they do it?

By letting their imagination link one topic to another.
This follows on from what I said earlier.

Keep up to date with the news and use the keyword map to
come up with related topics of conversation.

7. Practice, Practice, Practice.

When you are alone practice taking a conversation from one
topic to another. Talk it through aloud and let it flow.
For example a conversation on pizza:

– pizza hut, I went there last Friday and had…
– pizza delivery, it was raining and I was starving…
– pasta, I love that new sauce at the restaurant in town…
– Italian, my cousin just married an Italian guy…
– delivery, UPS dropped off my new bike today…

For each topic just let yourself talk without restriction.

Finally, remember the point of small talk is to bond with
people. You do not have to get stuck into a serious
discussion. Be easy on yourself and bear in mind
conversation is a two way street. It´´s not all up to you.

IMPORTANT – PLEASE NOTE:

Knowing what to say is only the tip of the iceberg.

You must take charge of your emotional state or else you
will freeze when the pressure is on. Your good intentions
will be in vain if you do not feel talkative when the
moment of truth arrives.

However you CAN feel enthusiastic, confident and energetic
when you prepare correctly…

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:
http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm