Monthly Archives: May 2007

Courage and Communication Skills Strategy

I was talking this week to Mike. This guy is a
model of courage in the face of adversity. He
finds it difficult to approach people and make
conversation so he decided to face his fears.

A friend suggested to Mike that he approach
strangers on the streets of Manhattan to ask for
directions. This would help him to face and move
beyond his fears, so they believed.

I was concerned when I heard this and what
happened next was interesting to say the least!
I´ll tell you what happened in a moment but first
let me explain why you would do well to never put
yourself in situations that can provoke your
fears, anxieties and insecurities.

When you face fear WITHOUT a better way to deal
with the situation at hand matters may worsen at
a very fast rate. Why? Because you are simply
conditioning your fear and ineffective coping
skills.

It is like a baseball player swinging and missing
the ball – he will continue to miss the ball
unless he changes his approach, dumps what does
not work and replaces it with a superior strategy.

But here´s the kicker.

Fear causes us to lock down and perform as we
usually do in a given situation. It immobilizes
us. It stops us from learning and improving.

This is what happened to Mike on the streets of
Manhattan. Fear took over despite his best
intentions and courage. He persisted though and
approached stranger after stranger and not one
would stop and give him the time of day. This
stressful “failure” reinforced his fear and he
still felt unsettled the following day.

The best advice I can give you, and Mike, is to
remember two key points.

1. SECRET #1 – Feel phenomenal.

Being at your best with people begins with how
you feel. We know that over 90% of communication
is non-verbal yet many people obsess over what to
say.

Spend much more time on feeling phenomenal and
the words will take care of themselves. Seriously!

Think about it for a moment. Have you ever felt
talkative, full of enthusiasm and bursting with
energy? Of course you have. And, when you feel
like that you drive the conversation – it´s
inevitable. (you don´t worry about what to say)

That is secret number one of advanced
communication – manage your emotional state.

2. SECRET #2 – Kill fear the easy way.

There is no reason to stress yourself out facing
your fears when there are far more effective ways
to rid yourself of the fears that limit your
social life.

Fear is a result of thinking about certain
situations in specific ways so that you link
feeling incapable to those situations. When you
change this association the fear dissolves.

Make it a priority to drop your fears and you
will enjoy the peace of mind that comes from
knowing you can enjoy the company of whoever you
meet.

I show you how to do this in the Conversation
Fear report that comes as a special bonus with my
step by step system.

There are secrets to quickly and easily improving
your communication skills. Let me tell you how I
figured it out, click here:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/

Powerful Communication Made Easy

There is a certain attitude that makes any interaction more
enjoyable and much less stressful. Once you grasp this simple
concept you will never again be intimidated by the prospect of
meeting new people and even those you have found difficult to
talk to in the past can become like old friends.

The secret is to approach any conversation with the intention to
give to the other person. When you give with no sense of needing
or wanting anything in return you simply cannot fail. When you
are not worried about getting something in return you cannot be
rejected and this will relax you.

Of course, everyone loves to talk to someone who is not only
relaxed and at ease but keen to give. All of a sudden, this one
shift in outlook, can transform the way others view you and
interact with you.

You´ll find people very pleased to see you and more attentive
when you talk. They will treat you like a trusted old friend
even if you have only recently met the other person.

And best of all, your deep friendships will be based on giving
and sharing. When you give first by listening, by caring and by
being supportive others will tend to reciprocate – they will go
out of their way to help you in return.

Can one shift in outlook make such a big difference to your
performance? You bet it can!

You see, most of us are so busy we often fail to take the time
to get to know our colleagues and neighbors. We politely say
“hello!” and “goodbye!” at the right times but never get around
to connecting with these people.

Before we know it, years pass by, and we never move beyond a
superficial familiarity. Why? Because social interactions are
treated as negotiations…

– if he approaches me then I´ll talk to him
– if she listens to me I´ll help her out
– when he gives me what I want I´ll return the favor
– if she doesn´t start the conversation I´ll ignore her

All of these examples illustrate common barriers to social
interactions based on fear, a lack of confidence and
insecurities. In each case if you remove wanting something from
the other person from the equation the problem disappears.

In contrast, when you talk with a giving attitude: you listen
more closely to what people say and how they say it, you put the
other person first and only talk when they have expressed what
they need to say.

In this paradigm interacting is not all about you – you put your
complete attention on the other person and something very
interesting happens. You stop feeling self-conscious, you don´t
worry about rejection and your confidence grows.

All of these great benefits come about because you are going
into the conversation to give and not to take. A total focus on
the other person keeps your mind too busy to worry about
yourself and how you look or sound.

Can you have this attitude of giving and still get what you
want? Of course you can! And it´s much easier than arguing your
case or pleading for help.

First of all, open the conversation by giving with sincerity.
You can do this in a number of ways:

– smile, be friendly and aim to make the other person comfortable
– really listen when he speaks rather than waiting your turn
– give your complete attention to the other person and ignore
the environment around you. Make him have no doubt he has your
100% attention.

The key is to follow through on all these points with sincerity.
Don´t just play at it but really live this attitude of giving.

Next, if there are any ways you can help him, do so. In an
office environment that could mean providing information,
resources or a contact that can solve a problem. In a social
setting, it might involve offering your informed opinion on a
topic you know a lot about. Either way, your goal is to help
first where possible before asking for help.

Finally, after first giving complete attention to this person
and helped him he will be more than receptive to helping you.

Sounds simple doesn´t it? It is but it only works if you follow
the formula with the right attitude. If you follow the above
steps with no concern for the welfare of the other person it
will show.

The secret is to sincerely give without stressing about wanting
something in return, This ironically creates the perfect
environment for receiving what you want.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

How to Play To Your Strengths

There is a common mistake many people make
when they want to improve their people
skills. You may even make the same mistake
at times without noticing.

This mistake involves focusing so much on
your apparent weaknesses that you neglect
your strengths and disempower yourself even
further. Self improvement then becomes a
painful introspective experience that never
improves your life.

How to know if you
make this mistake…

Are you overly aware of your so called
weaknesses while tending to ignore all of
the things you do so well?

It is easy to take for granted what comes
naturally to you. And, very easy, to
discount the value of personal qualities
that are second nature to you.

For example, let´s say you are quiet,
sensitive and thoughtful. These are very
positive traits depending on the context.

You are likely to be a good listener, great
at reading others and quick to spot changes
in relationship dynamics.

The kicker.

Consequently, you may be the kind of person
who can see the big picture while others are
too involved in a discussion to notice what
else is going on.

This is important.

Your personal traits are not good or bad,
not valuable or worthless and not simply
strengths or weaknesses. It is not black and
white. Instead it all depends on the
situation and how you use your communication
style.

Now, the common mistake people make is to
feel bad about not being more outgoing. They
put themselves under pressure to be
something they are not and this only makes
it even more difficult to speak up and be
authentic.

Be yourself!

When you play to your strengths it feels
natural. You are no longer trying to be
someone you are not. And the result of this
is that you relax, others then respond more
favorably to what you say and how you say it.

Let´s say you are softly spoken. Work with
that trait and you will speak with authority
and congruence without needing to raise your
voice. You CAN command attention while
speaking softly. It all depends on doing it
with style – your style.

A powerful distinction.

Developing great people skills is a question
of strategy – play to your strengths and be
yourself. This is the key to making a great
impression whenever you meet new people and
a sure fire way to form lasting friendships
that enrich your life.

Then, with a solid foundation based on your
true personality you can become even more
charming by dropping the energy drains that
hold you back.

How?

By letting go of fears that stop you from
expressing yourself with confidence. Sooner
than you expect, you will find yourself
happier in yourself and more expressive.

And every time you expand your sense of who
you are – you will notice something unusual
happens. The more you like yourself the more
others will like you – they reflect it back
to you. It sounds weird but it is true.

Ever had a day when you felt fantastic and
could hardly stop smiling? Remember how
other people were much more responsive to
you that day? Imagine if that was everyday.
It can be.

Amazing but true!

That´s what happens when you drop the energy
drains that hold you back. You unlock your
true personality and the world responds
instantly.

Making friends becomes much easier, people
are happy to help you and… you become much
more popular because everyone wants to be
around someone like you who has the courage
to be authentic.

All the very best,

Peter Murphy

P.S. Thousands of people are already using
my breakthrough system, to hear what some of
them say about my approach –

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/