Monthly Archives: June 2007

10 Super Ways to Start a Conversation

So many people worry about how to start a
conversation. It makes them feel anxious and
afraid. Are you one of those people who keep your
fingers crossed that someone will come up to you
and speak because you’d never make the first move
in a conversation in a million years?

You can put all that behind you with you a few
easy steps. Starting a conversation isn’t
difficult if you know how to do it.

Here’s how to start a conversation with anyone:

1. Think what you want to get out of the
conversation first. Often this will just be small
talk on a social level, but it may also be
something like a date, a new job or to sort out
your finances. The latter examples are a little
trickier than the first, admittedly, but you can
do it!

2. Plan what you want to say. People often feel a
little easier in their minds if they have a
script worked out in advance. The point to
remember with a script, though – is to make it
just a few sentences to get you over the initial
trauma of opening your mouth and speaking that
first time in a new situation. Any more than that
and you’ll sound false.

Okay, so you know what you want to get out of the
conversation and you have a little script worked
out for the first few sentences. Let’s see how
that works in practice when it comes to the
conversation…

3. Relax! Breathe slowly and make yourself aware
of your breathing. Concentrate on just your
breathing for a few seconds and you should feel
some of the tension you’re feeling begin to ease.

4. Smile! If you can stop gritting your teeth
long enough to smile, people will be more likely
to smile back.

5. Listen well. Listening always helps you in
conversations. It will show you when others have
finished speaking so you know where to come in
and if you listen well you’ll also pick up clues
about what you could say.

6. When you feel comfortable, say ‘Hello, my name
is ____’ if the other people don’t know you. That
will also give you some breathing space as the
other people will probably go on to introduce
themselves to you in return – if their Moms have
taught them good manners!

Try to catch peoples names and use them in the
conversation when talking to them. They will like
that and they will warm to you. The more they
warm to you, the nicer they’ll be to you and the
better you’ll feel.

Using peoples names is a simple trick but it
really works wonders in getting a conversation
off on the right foot.

7. You’ll probably find it easier at first to
talk by making a comment on a more substantial
contribution that someone else has already made
in the conversation. Make your comment positive
or constructive, not negative or condemning.

Tell the other person you agree with them or add
an example which illustrates the point that they
have just made and supports it, etc. You’ll soon
be accepted as part of the conversation and the
person you backed up will feel you are an ally
and will back you up in return. You’ve arrived!

8. You can disagree with the person in your
comment too – we’re all entitled to our opinion!
But be aware that disagreeing is likely to focus
more attention on you. If you’re ready for that –
great! If not, hang back a little from expressing
an opposing opinion.

9. Whatever comment you make – be polite. That
sounds so obvious, but you’d be amazed how many
people get carried away in the heat of a
conversation and snap at anyone who dares to
disagree with them.

10. Are you feeling braver yet? If you’re
listening well to the conversation – and you
should be – there will be ideas that will come
into your mind. Just put one of those ideas out
there and see what people think of it.

That’s it! You’ve done it! You’ve learned how to
start a conversation.

For advanced tips go here:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/

How to Turn Around Rejection

One trait of people with great communication
skills is a pervasive confidence that is based on
solid techniques not just on a feel good attitude.

Consider the fear of rejection as a prime example
of how the right outlook can take the sting out
of rejection and very often even make feeling
rejected impossible.

For most people rejection is very unpleasant and
even the prospect of getting rejected stops them
from going for their dreams. Yes, the fear of
rejection causes people to avoid situations where
there is any possibility of hearing “No!”.

This is a shame because if you want to have a
great job, to make wonderful new friends and to
make your dreams come true you cannot avoid
hearing that two letter word. Thankfully, you can
take the sting out of rejection and even get to
the point where you can smile at rejection.

How to Smile at Rejection:

1. Treat all responses as feedback

If you are meeting new people and you want to
make friends this is fertile ground for rejection
fears to pop up. For this reason it is very
important to not take any responses personally.

Simply view all responses as feedback to help you
learn and adjust your approach. If flexibility
and persistence does not give you good results
simply do your best and move onto the next
person. Never aim for 100%, do your best and keep
going for it.

Take the pressure off. Forget about being perfect
and view meeting people as a treasure hunt that
can uncover fascinating people and from time to
time some relics that do not interest you. It
will always be a mix of both.

2. Ask yourself – does he qualify?

This is a key distinction when dealing with
people. In your mind, hold the question: does he
qualify? i.e. to be your friend, to spend more
time with you.

Do this in a friendly way of course. If you do
this with pride or arrogance you will create a
very unfavorable first impression and push people
away.

This qualification outlook turns the tables.
Instead of wishing, wondering and waiting to see
if the other person likes you and is responsive
you shift your focus so you are the one making
those evaluations.

Then, if you introduce yourself to someone and he
is rude, unfriendly or simply difficult to deal
with it means he does not qualify to get to know
you better. And when you think about it, the
sooner someone disqualifies himself the better.
It allows you to end the conversation and move
onto to someone else.

I firmly believe that putting worries about
rejection in the past is a critical issue for
many people although few recognize that. Instead
they simply avoid people and situations that
could involve rejection.

Continue to do that at you cost – your dreams,
new experiences and wonderful friendships that
will never happen.

And that explains why I have put a lot of time
and effort into teaching people how to kill that
dragon — I wrote a special report about how to
handle rejection that I offer for $27 at:

laugh at rejection

Life was never meant to be as difficult as
we sometimes make it. We often make it so by
refusing to learn simple ways to turn around
awkward situations. Rejection is one of those
thorny issues for most people even though it
really does not need to be.

Combine a whole new attitude about rejection with
my step by step communication skills course and
the world will look much kinder and friendlier to
you.