There is a world of people out there just waiting to get to know
you. That may seem implausible, but it is true. There are many
people who would like you and want to be your friend if they
only knew you.
And so, part of winning more friends and being popular is
getting out there and meeting more people. There are
several other ways to win more friends and be more popular
but let’s start right there.
1. Get out and meet new people
Of course, you can make friends with people you have met and
had a little to do with for years. But the chances are that
if you have known them a while and you still don’t count
them as friends, they aren’t the kinds of people with whom
you would want to strike up a friendship.
That means, to make more friends, you have to get out and
meet new people. Find a new interest or hobby and get out to
relevant gatherings so that you can meet like-minded people.
2. Strike up conversations
Talking with a stranger can be difficult, but until you have
had a conversation with them, you can’t know whether or not
you like them. You can’t make them your friend without
talking with them.
This is easier if you have met over some mutual interest,
like at a concert, sports meet or club. If you have met
someone this way, you already know that they share a mutual
interest with you so you can talk about that.
Even if you just make a comment about what you think on the
topic, the chances are that they will reply with a comment
of their own, and then you have started a conversation and
you’re on the way to becoming friends.
3. Be a good listener
Friendship is based upon communication. That is a two-way
street. So, as well as having to be able to start conversations
if you want to win more friends and be more popular, you
have to be able to listen to the answers that you get so you
can respond to them appropriately.
Conversations need to be two-way processes. In order to make
friends, you have to get to know people quite well, and you
can only really do that by not only talking to them, but by
listening to what they say to you.
In order to have the confidence to talk to people and to
have them ask you questions too, you have to:
4. Like yourself
Again, you may not find this easy, especially if you have
had a lot of negative feedback in your life, but you need to
do it. It sounds like a cliché, but if you want other people
to like you, you really do have to like yourself first.
If you like yourself, you will project yourself differently
and deal with people in quite a different way to how you
would if you didn’t like yourself. If you are negative or
down on yourself, you are more likely to evoke feelings of
pity rather than friendship.
So, learn to like yourself and make it easier for other
people to like you and be your friend. Start with finding
just one thing that you like about yourself. Make as much as
you can of this attribute and let it buoy up your confidence.
5. Know yourself
If you are truly going to like yourself and not compromise
on your happiness in order to say you have friends, you need
to know a few things about yourself. You need to be honest
with yourself about what your ideas, values and beliefs are.
Are some of these beliefs blocking you from making friends?
These could be all manner of things: offensive ideas, negative
self-beliefs which stop you talking to people etc.
On the other hand, are there ideas and beliefs which you
really hold dear and don’t want to change? These things
should be reserved in your personality even as you seek
friends. It would also be a good starting point to think of
finding potential friends who share these ideas, too.
If you smile at people, it helps to make them feel more
important and valued. People like and respect people who
value them, so you will appear much more positively in their
eyes if you smile at them.
Smiling makes it look like you are having fun, and
consequently, as if you would be fun to know. People will be
attracted to that and want to get to know you better. They
may even be intrigued and wonder what your secret of
7. Stay true to yourself
Part of liking yourself and being able to smile openly and
be receptive to new friends is in staying true to yourself.
You can’t really like yourself if you change yourself to fit
in with the ‘in’ crowd, doing things that you don’t agree
with. So don’t do it!
Having found what you like about yourself, keep it that way.
Of course you can adapt slightly. Friendships, like all
relationships, require adaptation to another person, but in
doing that, you shouldn’t lose sight of who you are.
You shouldn’t do things you don’t agree with, just to make
friends. They aren’t the right friends for you if you need to
change yourself that much for them to like you.
8. Be selective about your friends
More friends are not necessarily better than good friends. With
good friends, they will know the real you and like you for
who you are. They will share your interests and at least
some of your opinions.
Those are the people who will make you happy, so choose your
friends with care. Don’t be talked into doing things you
don’t want to do, just to have their approval.
9. Put yourself out for people
True friends don’t just make small talk. They help each
other. So, if you want to be more popular, you should be
there for the bad times as well as the good. If you have a
friend who needs you, you should be willing to help them.
It may be as simple as giving someone a heartfelt compliment.
That will make them feel good and make them want to be
friendly with you.
Of course, there is no need to compromise your standards or to
bankrupt yourself to help a friend. Sometimes all that is
necessary is for you to be there to listen to them as they
tell you their troubles. Sometimes they may call on you for
practical as well as emotional support. Good friends give
this support to each other.
10. Give friendship time to develop
Friendship isn’t born in one or two conversations. It
develops over time. Trying to force the issue of friendship
will actually push people further away from being your
Relax and trust that you are someone worthy of friendship.
Smile and appear as if you are open to friendship by talking
to people and listening to what they say to you. Look for
friends in the people who share your interests and stay true
to yourself. You will soon attract people to you and develop
friendships with them. Let it happen.
Now, get out there and win more friends and be more popular!