Monthly Archives: January 2010

How To Get People To Listen

Getting attention and knowing how to get people to listen is a big issue for many people even though there is a simple often overlooked solution. Once you know the basis of all good conversation you know how to keep people listening…

All good conversation is story telling.

Yes, when you meet friends, family and new people everyone is looking for the same thing. They all want to have an entertaining, interesting conversation. Most of the time this means you will make a great impression when you bring up interesting topics of conversation told in the form of a story.

For example let`s say a new hotel has just opened in your city. One way to mention this is to give the facts and the statistics – it is a 5 Star hotel with 200 rooms, a gym, great views of the skyline and a roof top restaurant.

That is not the way I`d introduce that news as a topic of conversation. I`d tell a story…

“On Tuesday evening last night a little after 8pm I was walking down Main street with Lisa when we spotted unusual red lights way down the street. We had some time to kill before meeting her sister so we walked a few more blocks until those red lights got closer and closer. We still didn`t know what the lights were about.

Anyway, we got to the building and noticed that “the beautiful people” were everywhere looking cool. And those red lights were all around the building. Very unusual.

Its a hotel but it doesn`t look like any hotel I`ve ever seen. As you walk up to the entrance its more like walking into a cross between a really weird art gallery and a European late night bar.

We walked in and ended up talking to the manager. Very nice guy. He even gave us a tour of the bar and restaurant before taking us up in the elevator to the roof. What a view! You can see right across the city from up there.

I was impressed. This is a very unusual hotel. I`ve never seen anything like it.”

Notice how I shared a news item without making it sound like a news broadcast. I shared very few facts. I would share more information if the person I`m talking to asks me to tell them more. First I need to get their attention to see if they have any interest in that subject. Story telling is the best way to do that.

How To Be A Great Story Teller That Gets People To Listen

1. Build up a portfolio of great stories

I have many stories I tell again and again when I meet different people. When I meet new people these stories are new to them so its okay to recycle my old favourites. And, the more you tell a great story the better it gets. You can relax because you already know what you are going to say.

Forget about being original with everyone you meet. The best conversationalists I have ever met and learned from all share one key characteristic. they all have a stock of great stories they tell with enthusiasm and passion. They`ve told these stories so many times they look like masters of conversation. The truth is that practice makes perfect.

2. Always be on the look out for new and interesting stories

We live in such fast changing times that there are amazing new developments almost everyday of the week. Share these news items as stories and you`ll find people are interested to hear what you have to say.

Listen to local radio and visit web sites that cover your city to keep up to date with local news that could be interesting to your friends and family. You need to keep your eyes and ears open to pick up new conversation fuel or you`ll run out of things to say when you meet people.

3. Read good stories

What makes for an interesting story? Its the way you tell it as much as the story itself. Learn from great story tellers, copy their approach and you`ll find other people are a lot more interested in hearing your story.

Read good fiction to develop your conversation skills. Pay attention to how stories unfold and you`ll see how many, many conversation topics can be interesting as long as you know how to tell a good story.

4. Always focus on the human element

Talk about local news and what is happening in your community, talk about amazing new technologies or discuss the latest cool electronics gadget. That`s all good but remember to tell a story rather than merely share facts and figures.

The best way to keep it interesting is to focus on the people behind the news item. Talk about the mad genius who worked through the night to create the latest space age cell phone. Mention the 11 year old prodigy who figured out how the city can save millions by reconfiguring the computer systems that run city hall.

The people behind the facts are always much more interesting that what they did as long as we get to hear about how they think and how they live. Magazines and interviews are good sources for profiles about these people who shape the world we live in. If you read about their work pay close attention to the description of their personality and work style. Later this will be the basis for your story about their breakthrough.

Now, get out there and tell stories that entertain people and leave them eager to hear more.

How To Get People To Want To Be Around You

Getting people to be around you is really not all that difficult. Every human being is social by nature and we all want to be around other people.

Realistically, the problem of how get people to want to be around you has more to do with you than it does others. For example, if you are pompous and arrogant few people are going to want to be around you because of your overbearing personality.

The first lesson is this: what attracts people to you, or cause them to avoid you, is your personality and attitude. But if you want people to be around you here are some things that you might think about to help yourself.

1. Accept and respect yourself

This idea may sound confusing on the surface. But it’s actually not if you think about it. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to accept yourself as you are and respect that.

Acceptance and respect from others comes from our confidence in ourselves, because we accept ourselves, mixed with a healthy amount of humbleness and humility. People are attracted to this kind of balance because you are being ‘real’.

2. Act naturally

This reflects confidence in oneself. When your inner feeling of acceptance mixes appropriately with your thought processes you will act naturally, like a human that is comfortable with themselves. When you project a comfortable feeling about yourself this helps others to feel comfortable with you, thus attracting them to you.

3. Don’t make fun of others to make yourself feel better

It is fun, for example, at a party, to exchange friendly banter to get everyone loosened up and laughing. But to make fun of people because you think you are better than others will not attract people. It is distasteful to make fun of others in that way. Avoid making fun of others for any reason. That’s the best solution.

4. Don’t focus on the mistakes of others

We all make them no matter how perfect we think we might be. If you have a need to focus on the mistakes of someone else turn them into something that helps them at a time they are receptive to your help. This technique has a way of building trust and friendship.

However, focusing on a mistake of another is a form of exploitation. It’s an attack on the other person. When most people see you communicate in this manner with anyone they are already thinking about avoiding you.

If you have a problem with focusing on the mistakes of others then it is best you say nothing at all unless it is positive.

5. Think before you say anything

The words that come out of your mouth speaks volumes about the kind of person you are and what you believe in. Believe it or not everyone evaluates an initial interaction within the first few moments of that interaction. It’s an instinct we all have.

Within those first few moments we are already deciding if it’s a good connection or not.

Moreover, communication is not just about the words that come out of your mouth. There is a little more to it than that. We all watch each others’ body language when we interact with them. It’s another instinct we have. We are more attentive to this sense within the first few interactions of meeting people, but as the familiarity grows we develop more trust and become less focused on personality traits.

These are some of the best ways how to get people to be around you. Apply these in your daily interactions and people will want to be around you.