Monthly Archives: February 2010

What To Say When Meeting Someone For The First Time?

The difficult way to handle meeting new people is to hope for the best, think on your feet and leave everything to chance. Maybe it will turn out ok then again maybe you`ll be tense and nervous, stuck for words and wishing you knew what to say.

Thankfully there is a better way, a much better way. There is a simple formula the experts use. Anyone who is good at meeting people knows a few simple ways to ensure that everyone enjoys the occasion.

What to say when meeting someone for the first time:

1. Talk About What Interests People

Find out what you can about the people you will be meeting.

– what are their interests and how do they spend their free time?

– where do they live? What is their profession?

– What are they passionate about?

A mutual friend, a colleague or a neighbour can fill you in on what drives whoever you are about to meet. If you don`t know anyone who can give you some background on these people then you need to be more flexible and observant to find areas of commonality that can spark a good conversation. Listen carefully to what they say, look for clues as to what interests them and ask open questions to discover what they enjoy talking about.

The key is to open the conversation with a topic that is of interest to who you are meeting. This is a great way to engage their interest and get them listening to you. Start with an easy conversation topic and let the rapport build. First impressions count so make sure to keep the conversation light and fun at the beginning. No need to talk about heavy issues from the get go.

2. Be Friendly And Generous

When meeting new people make sure to be relaxed, easy going and open to sincerely listening to what people are saying. Approach conversation as a form of giving – give attention and time to who you are talking. When you are a giver there is nothing to lose and you don`t approach people with an attitude of wanting something from them. This generosity is what allows you to be relaxed and at ease meeting people.

And when you are relaxed and giving you will be friendly and attractive to other people. People want to me meet easy going people who are interested in what they have to say. Be that person and you`ll find that meeting new people is a lot of fun.

3. What To Say?

The key is to be positive, energetic and easy going. You can talk about a wide range of topics if you do so with the right attitude. Maybe you want a list of fool proof topics to use when meeting someone for the first time. You do, don`t you? Well, that doesn`t work because if you neglect your non-verbal communication the words will fall flat and leave nothing but awkward silence.

That`s why what to say starts with discovering what the other person is interested in as a lead to finding topics of mutual interest. Now, this is easier than you think because certain types of people share similar characteristics and similar interests.

– all golfers want to improve their game

– all parents wants their children to be healthy and happy

– all career minded people want be more successful

Consequently, listening and paying attention will quickly reveal to you the background, interests and concerns of whoever you`re talking to. Then, simply steer the conversation in the direction of what is important to them. In the case of a parent for example you might talk about a family friend who has the happiest kid you`ve ever seen or the parent down the street whose kids love doing homework.

To sum up. Discover what people are interested in and what is important to them. And remember, you can only do that if you are genuinely interested in getting to know them and if you listen carefully to what they say. Finally, when meeting someone for the first time be a giver. Approach talking as a way of sharing and giving – this allows you to be the kind of easy going attentive person everyone likes to meet and get to know.

Bored And Lonely? What To Do

Yesterday I met a friend of a friend. Jane is an intelligent,
interesting woman with her own business and an adventurous nature.
She travels a lot, has a positive outlook on life and enjoys learning
and growing.

Imagine my surprise when she said: “I get very bored and lonely!”
As a divorced middle aged woman Jane is active, busy and proactive
yet she feels like that. How could that be?

She explained that where she lives in Boulder, Colorado, many close
friends have left and moved to other states over the years. And
Jane doesn`t get out to socialise that much. Over time she has lost
many good friends and not met new people to spend time with.

Busy And Frustrated

Of course Jane is not the only one. For so many of us a busy life
can leave us unfulfilled and unhappy unless we have great people to
spend time with. The day to day interactions at work and in our
community keep us in touch with people but these conversations
often lack depth and meaning.

Having someone who cares enough to listen when you have a bad day,
the joy of sharing your success with good friends and the security
that comes from knowing you have people you can count on – all of
these factors give you the confidence to keep on going.

On the other hand success at home and at work can be shallow and
lonely if we do not have people we can connect with. Do you have
good friends who really listen to you? Do you have special people
who call you just because they want to hear your voice?

Boredom and loneliness can cloud your day and make life a real drag
if you cannot make new friends and develop deeper friendships with
those people you already spend time with.

What Stops You?

Even intelligent, interesting people like Jane get to a point where
they give up. They lose hope and stop trying. They get used to
living a life that is empty so they stay busy and ignore the
problem. This solves nothing.

In fact the situation may even get worse. Over time your
confidence dealing with people can fade until it even affects the
few friendships you count on for a social life. You get so used to
infrequent quality time with your closest friends that staying
bored and lonely seems normal.

What Can You Do?

1. Make It A Priority To Meet New People

Get involved in activities that interest you and give you
enjoyment. Do if for the fun and laughs you will have and to meet
new people along the way. This could mean putting time into a
sport, a charity or some other activity in your community that will
involve meeting a lot of people.

I have even heard of someone getting a bar job when he moved to a
new city to quickly meet a lot of people. You get the point – do
something you will enjoy, to meet like minded people with that
common interest. This takes care of knowing what to talk about and
what to do. No awkward moments wondering what these new people
are all about.

Once you get used to meeting new people in new situations it gets
easier and easier. You get better at reading people, you feel more
comfortable and it even becomes a lot of fun. Practice, practice,
practice… and what was once a lot of effort will become a high point
of the week.

2. Change Your Socialising Habits

We all tend to get into a routine that is helpful when it comes to
doing all that needs to be done each day however that can really
limit our chances of meeting interesting new people if we never go
to new places or try new activities.

Make a decision to do new things each week. Find out what is going
on in your town and schedule attending a concert, signing up for a
class or joining a club. Take a friend and get used to being in new
places and meeting even a few new people each week.

At first it can be uncomfortable moving out of your comfort zone
but as long as you are choosing to only get involved in activities
you are genuinely interested in then you´re likely to enjoy
yourself. Even if you only meet one interesting person to chat with
its worth it. Meeting one new person with similar interests is fun,
much more fun than trying to make conversation with a hundred
people who do not share your interests.

Boredom and loneliness can affect anyone especially busy people
because all that running around leaves little space for quality
time doing what you really want to do and even less time to spend
lost in conversation with people you enjoy talking to.

The solution is simple. Try new activities that interest you and
meet new people on your wavelength. Make that a part of every week
and you`ll have much more fun and the joy of connecting with
wonderful people who enjoy your company just as much as you enjoy
talking to them.