Monthly Archives: May 2010

How To Deal With People Who Think They Are Better Than You

Unfortunately in our society there are people who seem to think they are better than everyone else. These people tend to talk about their greatness in such a way as to make themselves sound better than those around them.

These people can be difficult to deal with, especially if you don`t have the tools to deal with them within our communications tool box. However, before we look in our tool box of communication strategies let us first look at ourselves.

1. Deal with your own fear

Upon examination of our reactions to people who think they are better than us, we may find issues of fear within ourselves. These can greatly affect us when it comes to how we process and react to those we perceive as thinking they are better than everyone else.

The question then becomes: “why am I affected by that person who sees themselves as being superior?” And the root of that answer will always relate to a fear within ourselves. All fear is intimately entwined into our self-confidence.

Self-confidence is how we see ourselves and in turn it helps us in how we see the world around us and how deal with those “I am better than you” personalities.

2. Positive self-presentation

As was mentioned in the previous paragraph how you see yourself will determine how you see and react to the world around you, including dealing with people who think they are better than you.

If you lack the presentation of self-confidence you will be more susceptible to the feeling of inferiority from a person who likes to think of him or herself as superior and this in turn can prevent you from really getting to know that person.

3. They Can be Turned Off

Believe it or not the people who think themselves superior to you can be turned off just like a switch, so they no longer bother you. They can be neutralized.

However, to do this takes the skill of effective listening and questioning skills, and at the right time. To listen effectively requires you to turn off judgment and nearly hang on to every word that they are saying.

Keep in mind that the person who tries to act superior to you has a deep desire for acceptance and by you listening they may feel that acceptance. This acceptance can then sometimes minimize their tendency to try to make themselves feel superior to you.

4. Challenging statements of superiority

This is another and more assertive technique that can be used in quelling the superior personality. Often these personality types will attempt to top any life experience that others express in a conversation. For example, the fish they caught will be bigger than the one you did. Basically, their statements will always be to top the experiences of other people, whether they are involved in the conversation or not.

Listen to what these personality types are saying. You can question their experience as they present it. And through questioning you can quiet frequently find discrepancies in what they are saying and expose the truth, at least in your own mind.

And sometimes once they realize you have discovered a fallacy they will recoil and be careful of what they present in front of you in the future.

We have looked at some things we can do to more effectively deal with those people that think they are better than you are. The bottom line is that you will not always be able to avoid the person that feels themselves to be superior but you can always learn how to deal with people who think they are better than you.

How To Deal With People Who Talk Too Much

No matter where you go you are at some point going to come into contact with someone you think talks too much. It is unavoidable. Knowing why they do it is the key to how to deal with people who talk too much.

Generally, there is a reason why people talk too much. For example, one reason could be because nobody at home listens to them, and another could be because some people learn by talking.

Have you ever really listened to a talker? Many talkers possess a vast amount of knowledge. Unfortunately, some of these talkers just want you to know how much they know. That can get boring.

How can we deal with talkers when we find that their talking is getting under our skin? Here are some things you can do to help you deal with people who talk too much.

1. Accept it

Acceptance is the key to many, if not all, of our interpersonal relationships, including those relationships in which you think the other person talks too much.

The bottom line here is that you cannot change anyone. You can encourage change in whatever way you might choose, but if the talker does not want to change they are just not going to. We may just have to tolerate it or walk away.

2. Be calm

This is what most of do in many other interpersonal situations so why not be calm in an interaction with someone you think talks too much.

If you have to, you can distract your mind by thinking pleasant thoughts. These pleasing thoughts, whatever you choose them to be, will help keep you calm.

3. Avoid anger

Becoming angry with a talker is no better than becoming angry with anyone else. If the talker has not disrespected or offended you with their words then there is no real reason to get angry with them. They`re just talking. It is like white noise that really doesn`t affect you in any important way.

4. Be honest but kind

This is important if the other person is talking is interrupting something else you`re trying to do, like paying attention to a lecture or watching a movie in the theater. Let the talker know in a calm but firm voice that they are interrupting you. Most talkers will positively respond to the advice.

5. Feed them

Okay, this may sound comical but the truth of the matter is that, for most of us, the mouth can only do one thing at a time. If a person who talks too much has food in their mouth they are likely to talk less. Moreover, most of us know, as even most talkers do, that it is rude to talk while you have food in your mouth.

6. Listen to the person who talks too much

Some people talk a lot when they are stressed or worried about something. As was mentioned earlier, sometimes people who talk too much just need some one to listen to them. And besides you will never know what you might learn when you listen to someone else.

People who talk too much can make you feel trapped and frustrated. If the person who talks too much is a family member or friend you really need to look at the idea of acceptance if you intend on maintaining the relationship. You can try discussing their talkative problem over with them and maybe let them know how it bothers you.

If it works, great! But if it doesn`t you can always teach yourself to adapt to your family member`s talkative ways. If that is not an option then you may need to evaluate your relationship with that person.

You can deal with this positively and to the good of both yourself and the other person, if you approach it correctly. In this article we have reviewed some of the ways we can deal with people who talk too much and still maintain a relationship with them.

How to Deal with People Who Put You Down

Whether you are fifteen or fifty, you will often find that there are people who want to put you down. It`s a way some people have of trying to feel smarter or more superior, but you don`t have to let it get to you.

How to deal with people who put you down? Here are a few tips to help you.

1. Talk to them

Try to find out what is at the root of their actions. Are they jealous of you, angry over some act of yours, mad about something you said or wrote about them? If the person is a sibling, the problem could be as simple as old fashioned sibling rivalry.

This is quite common if you are your parents’ favorite, and they make no effort to hide the fact. Sometimes a put down can actually mask feelings of affection from someone, and by talking to them you may discover they have secretly been trying to get you to notice them.

Simply asking them out on a date can fix the problem.

2. Have responses ready

If this is a chronic problem, in your personal or professional life, have some remarks of your own ready to say back to the person when they hit you with a put down.

The key thing to remember here is to avoid merely insulting them. In most cases, that will just escalate the war of words, and if this person is your boss, you could endanger your job. Rather, what you want to be able to say is something to top them.

As an example, let’s say you’ve written a book, and a family member puts your down by saying you’ll never get published. Your reply could be that you don’t care about that; you set yourself a task, and you did it. How many people who wanted to write a book actually finished it?

In so doing, you’ve deflected their comment.

3. Build your social network

In the event the person who puts you down is a friend or family member, try to broaden your network of friends, and make sure the new people are of a more positive type.

It’s said that there’s strength in numbers; if you’re surrounded by strong, supportive people, it’ll be harder for someone to put you down. Not only will the other people be more supportive – and thus counteract the negative comments from that person – but the person who is putting you down will be less likely to put you down.

4. Look at what’s right with you

Take an assessment of you and your life; what’s good in it, what are you good at, and what’s good about you.

When it comes to how to deal with people who put you down, a key weapon at your disposal is your own self-esteem. If you know there are good things in your life and that you have good attributes, it becomes much harder for someone to put you down.

5. Sever contact

This is the most extreme means of dealing with someone who puts you down, but sometimes you have to do it.

At work, this can mean transferring to a different department or maybe even getting a new job.

If the person is a friend or family member, it means not seeing them any more. In the case of a family member, you may be compelled to see them at family gatherings, but try to minimize your contact.

There are many instances where a put down can be something as simple as a little dig at you. In other cases, they can be cruel and consistent acts that really beat you down. In those cases, how to deal with people who put you down is a very important matter. So, make use of these suggestions, and you’ll be able to defend yourself against people who put you down.