Monthly Archives: May 2010

How To Deal With People Who Ignore You

In your relationships with those around you there are going to be times when we might upset someone enough that they feel they need to avoid and ignore us. If you can accept you may have played some part in this, you can learn how to deal with people who ignore you.

Being ignored by someone, especially by a friend or someone we care about, can be painful because we feel disconnected from them. Trying to deal with someone who ignores us can be challenging because they do not want to listen to us. However, there are ways to deal with people who ignore you.

1. Try to find out why the person is ignoring you

Maybe you said or did something that they did not like and they feel offended because of it, thus they choose to ignore you. Finding out the reasons why someone is ignoring you can be difficult, especially because they may not be willing to tell you why.

If the person who is ignoring you does not want to tell you why, you might be able to find out why from a third party, like a family member, friend, or even a co-worker. If you can find out the reason, you might want to apologize for what caused the problem if you did something that precipitated it.

2. Talk directly to the person who is ignoring you

If they are not aggressively hostile about the situation, the best thing to do is to go straight to the person who is ignoring you. Talking to a person face-to-face is the best way to resolve practically any problems with anyone because it becomes more personal.

Not only does the person get a chance to hear your sincere words, but your body language and eye contact will also send the message of your authenticity. Additionally, talking to the person face-to-face, takes courage and this alone speaks loudly of your desire to make things right. Often, this will be appreciated by the person that is ignoring you.

3. Modern methods

There may be times when sending the person who is ignoring you an email or text message is the best way to confront them. In some instances, like in the case of aggressive hostility, sending them an email or text message may help the situation.

However, it can also make it worse. Emails and text messages are rather impersonal because the other person cannot see you. Being impersonal can raise questions of doubt about your sincerity.

4. Send a card

If you cannot talk directly to the person, and the relationship is important enough to you, spend a little money and send them a card. In the card let them know that their relationship with you is important enough to you to talk with them personally about the situation.

Most people soften up a bit when someone they are angry at takes the time to send them a card of apology, more than they would with an email or text message.

5. Involving a third party

This is another way of dealing with someone who is ignoring you. This is especially effective if the third party is a friend of both you and the person who is ignoring you. A third party can possibly find out why the other person is ignoring you.

They can also possibly advocate for you and your desire to correct the problem because the one ignoring you may be more open to hear what the third party has to say.

When someone ignores you it can disrupt your relationship with them. In fact, that is part of the purpose of ignoring someone, to disrupt the relationship in a passive way and registering their distress at something you have done. Learning how to deal with people who ignore you can be difficult, but it can be done tactfully and peaceably by using some of these techniques.

How To Deal With People Who Don’t Like You

Unfortunately, the reality about life is that not everyone is going to like you. It is impossible for everyone to like you. People will not like you for any number of reasons.

However, when you first think someone does not like you, be sure it is true and not just your imagination. Some people are hard on themselves and can sometimes think that someone does not like them when in fact there is no evidence of it.

The first two things you must consider, in determining if someone does not like you, is the accuracy of your perception and the others true feelings.

In the event that the other person really does not like you there are some things you can do to deal with people that don`t like you. Here are some ways you can do that.

1. Avoiding people that don`t like you

This is perhaps the best way to deal with people that don`t like you if that person plays no significant part in your life.

When you know that someone doesn`t like you and you are around that person this can create tension and sometimes friction, especially if the person who does not like you has an aggressive personality.

If you need to communicate with a person who overtly does not like you, such as a co-worker, you should only do so in the presence of a third and neutral party.

2. Talk to the person who doesn`t like you

Sometimes when you talk to a person who dislikes you, it is possible to find out the reasons why they dislike you. If it is about something you did or the way you behave you can apologize for it and correct it. Often, this is all it will take to win someone over as a friend.

3. Talk to a third party

Sometimes, involving a third party can get at the cause of the dislike more effectively than if you were to directly confront the person. Additionally, third parties will generally see the situation more objectively than those directly involved in the relationship.

4. Be respectful, polite, and courteous

Maintain this attitude anytime you must communicate with people that don`t like you. This is important because you don`t want to give people who don`t like you more reasons to justify their dislike for you.

If you have resentment and a bad attitude with a person that doesn`t like you this will only make the interaction all that more difficult to deal with and could actually turn it into hostility. By being cordial when interacting with people who don`t like you, you are sending the message that you respect them and this can go a long way toward winning them over as a possible friend.

5. Live and let live

As was mentioned earlier, not everyone is going to like you. It does not necessarily mean that they are wrong about other matters.

Don`t become offended or resentful because someone does not like you. It is not worth consuming energy or losing sleep over. People are people. Some will like you a lot and others will not.

In this article we discussed how to deal with people who don`t like you. As we have seen dealing with people who don`t like you can be a bit challenging, but the bottom line is that you should not become too bothered by it because not everyone is going to like you. This is a fact that everyone must accept and it is not necessarily a negative reflection on you at all.

Having done that, you will see that there are ways to deal with people that don`t like you, if it is important for you to do so.

How To Deal With People That Don’t Listen

It can be very difficult to know how to deal with people that don`t listen. One of the most frustrating things for anyone is to be talking to a family member, a friend, co-worker or an audience and find that those you are talking to are not listening. Sometimes it is like you are talking to a wall, with no response.

When people do not listen to you, especially when you are trying to say something important, and they don`t listen you may well become aggravated. However, that does not help the situation.

Thankfully, there are some things you can do to deal with people that don`t listen.

1. Pause while talking

This is especially important if what you have to say will take some time. The average adults attention span is relatively short and their attention can wander to other things while you are talking.

Bring their attention back to you and what you are saying pause every so often by pausing. This gives the other person an opportunity to process what you have said and ask questions. Pausing while you are talking opens the door for the other to become involved in what you are saying. Make the conversation an interactive one if at all possible if you want people to listen.

2. Minimize distractions for the listener

If you need to talk to someone one-on-one about something important, find a place, like an office or a separate room, where you won`t be bothered by other people. There is almost nothing worse than to have people constantly walking in and out of a room while other people are trying to listen to you.

If you are talking to a group of people, like when making a presentation or doing a lecture, be sure that the room you use has few distractions and that people are not going in and out while you are speaking.

Also, use props like charts or slide projections to keep your audience focused to the front and on you. Before you begin your presentation advise your audience that you would like them to turn off their cell phones and put laptops away. Both cell phones and laptops can be a huge distraction for people and can keep them from listening to you.

Ringing cell phones and conversations on them will distract more people than just the ones using them. Any distraction will interfere with peoples ability to effectively listen.

3. Use appropriate language

What we are talking about here is using language that your audience is familiar with.

You may be well educated and have a great command of language, but your audience may not. If they do not understand what you are saying you will most certainly cause them to wonder what the heck you are talking about.

If they can`t figure out what you mean they will lose interest and you lose the attention you need from them and they will become distracted with other thoughts.

4. Give people a reason to listen

Most people listen and listen better when they know they will benefit, in some way, from what you have to say.

Sales people use this technique with customers all the time because they know that the customer is only interested in what will benefit them. Before starting to talk, tell your audience why their attention is important and how what you have to say will be beneficial to them.

When people don`t listen to us it is frustrating and sometimes aggravating. But because we are the ones talking, the responsibility for their listening often rests on our shoulders. The next time you are faced with someone not listening to you try some of these techniques to help you deal with people who don`t listen.