Monthly Archives: October 2010

How to Talk Without Arguing

Talking to another person without arguing is not an impossible feat. When it comes down to it, knowing how to talk without arguing is strictly an issue of self control.

Look to many of the worlds leaders. Without a doubt world leaders become angry while negotiating with other leaders. Although there are disagreements among them they talk to each other and control themselves so they do not argue, even though they probably want to.

These leaders have the same human feelings as the rest of us do, but a high level of self control. This is the key to talking without arguing.

Here are some tips to help you have self control and to talk without arguing:

1. Stay focused on the issues

Nothing can turn a disagreement into an argument faster than losing focus on the issues. Digressions, transgressions, accusations or anything else that detracts from what either of you are saying will result in an argument.

If you, or the person you are talking to, lose focus, immediately bring the discussion back to the original disagreement.

If that doesn’t work then agree to end the conversation before it becomes an argument.

2. Control your tongue

Even subtle insults couched in a statement can turn a productive conversation into an argument. And using profanity will only get it in return, thus escalating the discussion into an argument.

You can almost always avoid an argument by watching how you are talking to the other person. Again, use self control.

3. When you get too angry, step away

Here too it’s about self control, but more importantly being able to identify when its time to change the subject or totally remove yourself from the conversation. You will know your body signals that indicate arising anger and when you sense that kind of arousal that’s the time that you need to remove yourself from the situation.

4. Remember that you’re not always right

Many conversations turn into arguments because someone has to be right.

Don’t think that because you are right about some things it means you’re right about everything. If you know everything then what is your purpose here amongst us human beings? To lead us? Good leaders make mistakes too.

5. Stop with the excuses

A conversation can blast off into an argument when the people involved start making excuses for themselves.

Some people will talk to you about an unacceptable behavior, for example. By making an excuse for it you have already placed yourself in a defensive position. If the one who is talking to you pushes on that position it could ignite an argument.

The best thing to do is not make excuses and avoid complicating the conversation.

6. Don’t tell lies or fabricate a story

There is almost nothing worse in a conversation than to lie or make up stories. Practically every person, even criminals, doesn’t like being lied to and it’s a guaranteed argument starter when the lie is discovered.

So, save yourself the grief of a heated argument and be truthful and honest.

7. Give respect and you could prevent an argument

Some people can become disrespectful toward the person they are talking to. For example, it’s disrespectful for a man to eye a woman up and down while he’s talking to her. This will most certainly make her feel uncomfortable and that could change a friendly meeting into an argument.

Watch that your body language and words are not sending a disrespectful message.

You can talk to other people on some quite difficult topics without arguing, but it does take self awareness and self control to keep a constructive conversation from sliding downward into an argument. The above tips when combined together can help you learn how to talk without arguing.

How to Deal with Ignorant People

A person becomes ignorant when they think they are educated when they’re not, know something when they don’t, or are more aware than others. And it how to deal with ignorant people that cause us frustration and aggravate us.

Ignorance is defined by Webster’s Dictionary as “a lack of knowledge, education, or awareness”. Now, not being aware, educated, or knowledgeable is not a negative thing in itself. It simply implies that a person doesn’t know or isn’t aware of something.

For example, a computer geek may be knowledgeable about computers but doesn’t know a thing about cars or aware that if he doesn’t put water in the radiator the engine could overheat and become damaged.

What is more damaging is when one is ignorant in such a way that they think they know more than others and refuse to listen to others’ viewpoints.

Here are some tips on how to deal with ignorant people.

1. Ignore Them

Ignorant people and rude people are similar in the sense that they both need attention. The rude person is invasive to get attention while the ignorant person is a know-it-all. The ignorant person wants to impress people with his mental abilities. However, both the ignorant person and the rude person can be equally annoying.

But you can deal with the ignorant person just like you would the rude person. That is, ignore them. In fact, ignoring the ignorant person is perhaps the best way to deal with them; they need the attention of others to make them feel good about what they think they know.

2. Be Kind

Be kind to someone who irritates you? This sounds difficult and perhaps it is. But if you understand that ignorant people are not well informed and not necessarily bad, then you can access empathy for them.

Many ignorant people learned to talk about or say things they know nothing about. They also have learned to give input without knowing all the facts.

You can often deal with ignorant people by just gently educating them about the situation. Being kind not only helps you down the road, but it also has the potential of placing you in a good position with the ignorant person.

3. Speak to the Person

Some ignorant people can be hard headed about their behaviour, primarily because they may have a deep need to protect their ego from correction. This type of ignorant person can be a little more difficult to deal with. However, in some instances you can deal with them by taking them aside, away from distractions, and explain how their behavior is damaging their reputations.

This could be especially effective for employers to utilize with ignorant employees that just don’t seem to get it otherwise. There is little that could disrupt morale and production more than an ignorant person that is talking work related issues that they really don’t totally understand, for talking about who will be laid-off when they are not part of management and in the know.

4. Have Patience

Many ignorant people don’t realize that they don’t know everything involved in particular situation, but instead assume that they do with the little information that have. They are presumptuous too. But, again, this doesn’t make them bad people.

One of the most effective tools you can use in dealing with ignorant people is patience. Using patience helps you remain calm whenever interacting with ignorant people and helps them to slow down a bit and think it through before talking.

How to deal with ignorant people requires time and patience more than anything else. But also requires you to gently educate the ignorant person so that they can see the whole of a situation before they conclude that they know what it’s all about.

How to Talk With Confidence

Having confidence in yourself can make a world of difference in relating to the outside world. If you fear what is out there you won`t accomplish much toward your reason for being here. Each of us has a purpose, whatever that purpose might be. And we all have to discover it for ourselves. But in that discovery you will find your confidence growing and you will uncover how to talk with confidence.

We all have varying degrees of confidence, and moreover, it can change from challenge to challenge. For example, there are large numbers of people who don’t have the confidence to talk with people. They are easy to identify because they have that look of “I want to say something, but I’m scared” on their faces.

These people listen attentively and are interested in the discussion, but may feel that their contribution will get laughed at. If you are one of those people who doesn’t have confidence when talking to others then what follows is for you.

Here are some pointers on how to talk with confidence.

1. Slow down

Many people who lack confidence in talking with others will sometimes talk so fast when given an opportunity to talk that those who are listening quickly get lost in what is being said.

If you are talking too fast for people to understand you they will turn you off, and this will further damage your confidence in talking with others. To preserve what confidence you have, relax and talk at a moderate talking speed.

2. Practice speaking with confidence

Confidence is something we build with practice and experience. There is not one baseball pitcher ever born with the confidence of striking batters out. The pitcher had to practice and improve his skill and in that comes the confidence he needs to strike a skilled batter out.

Every chance you get, practice speaking with confidence. Talk to yourself in your mirror as if your reflection was another person.

3. Increase your vocabulary

Having a good verbal repertoire will help you talk with confidence because you are more verbally flexible. And believe it or not, people who can clearly understand what’s being said and then can clearly express themselves, are people that most people find interesting to be in a conversation with.

You can quickly and easily increase your vocabulary by committing to learn one new word a week. Sounds simple? It is!

4. Look into their eyes

If you lack confidence in talking to anyone, don’t show it. One of the best ways you can do this is by looking into the other person’s eyes when either of you are talking, even if you don’t feel confident inside.

First and foremost, looking into the eyes of the person you are talking to says you are sincere and confident. When someone doesn’t look you in the eye while talking with you it could indicate shame or that they have something to hide.

Don’t give that impression to anyone.

5. Watch the red flags

There are red flags that can send a message to the other person that you don’t have confidence.

The questions, “You know?” and “Right?” are two examples of red flags of a person who doesn’t have confidence and needs to hear the other person’s affirmations. In the business world those two are unprofessional, and in severe cases, very annoying.

These questions can be used in a positive way to encourage listening and agreement but never question like this out of a need for approval. If you do the lack of confidence you are expressing will negatively impact the conversation.

6. Feel confident

Let yourself experience the feelings of confidence in those moments that you are feeling confident. Your confidence can be built and reinforced best when you can see it and experience it. There’s a saying somewhere that indicates if you act confident you will become confident. There is a lot of truth in that.

There are many people who need confidence, or more of it, when talking with other people. Following these points will show you how to talk with confidence.