Talking to another person without arguing is not an impossible feat. When it comes down to it, knowing how to talk without arguing is strictly an issue of self control.
Look to many of the worlds leaders. Without a doubt world leaders become angry while negotiating with other leaders. Although there are disagreements among them they talk to each other and control themselves so they do not argue, even though they probably want to.
These leaders have the same human feelings as the rest of us do, but a high level of self control. This is the key to talking without arguing.
Here are some tips to help you have self control and to talk without arguing:
1. Stay focused on the issues
Nothing can turn a disagreement into an argument faster than losing focus on the issues. Digressions, transgressions, accusations or anything else that detracts from what either of you are saying will result in an argument.
If you, or the person you are talking to, lose focus, immediately bring the discussion back to the original disagreement.
If that doesn’t work then agree to end the conversation before it becomes an argument.
2. Control your tongue
Even subtle insults couched in a statement can turn a productive conversation into an argument. And using profanity will only get it in return, thus escalating the discussion into an argument.
You can almost always avoid an argument by watching how you are talking to the other person. Again, use self control.
3. When you get too angry, step away
Here too it’s about self control, but more importantly being able to identify when its time to change the subject or totally remove yourself from the conversation. You will know your body signals that indicate arising anger and when you sense that kind of arousal that’s the time that you need to remove yourself from the situation.
4. Remember that you’re not always right
Many conversations turn into arguments because someone has to be right.
Don’t think that because you are right about some things it means you’re right about everything. If you know everything then what is your purpose here amongst us human beings? To lead us? Good leaders make mistakes too.
5. Stop with the excuses
A conversation can blast off into an argument when the people involved start making excuses for themselves.
Some people will talk to you about an unacceptable behavior, for example. By making an excuse for it you have already placed yourself in a defensive position. If the one who is talking to you pushes on that position it could ignite an argument.
The best thing to do is not make excuses and avoid complicating the conversation.
6. Don’t tell lies or fabricate a story
There is almost nothing worse in a conversation than to lie or make up stories. Practically every person, even criminals, doesn’t like being lied to and it’s a guaranteed argument starter when the lie is discovered.
So, save yourself the grief of a heated argument and be truthful and honest.
7. Give respect and you could prevent an argument
Some people can become disrespectful toward the person they are talking to. For example, it’s disrespectful for a man to eye a woman up and down while he’s talking to her. This will most certainly make her feel uncomfortable and that could change a friendly meeting into an argument.
Watch that your body language and words are not sending a disrespectful message.
You can talk to other people on some quite difficult topics without arguing, but it does take self awareness and self control to keep a constructive conversation from sliding downward into an argument. The above tips when combined together can help you learn how to talk without arguing.