Monthly Archives: November 2010

How To Get People To Forgive You

Everyone does something wrong at one time or other in their lives. You may have hurt someone physically or emotionally or broken a trust. But human beings have an immense capacity for forgiveness. If you approach the person you hurt in the right way, you stand a good chance of gaining their forgiveness. However, it does take some work on your part.

Here’s some practical advice on how to get people to forgive you:

1. Forgive yourself

It’s a difficult fact for some people to come to terms with but we are all human and we all do things wrong sometimes. It’s just who we are. You need to find a way to forgive yourself for what you did and that will allow you to move on and seek the forgiveness of other people.

2. Face up to what you did

It’s no good going into denial in order to forgive yourself. The facts are that you did whatever it was you did and that hurt someone. That won’t change just because you deny it but facing up to your guilt will start to make a change.

First, try looking in the mirror and saying “I know what I did was wrong becauseā€¦” Next, you should try approaching the person you hurt and admitting your guilt to them to. Don’t be scared of that because unless what you did was really bad like a serious crime, the other person is likely to respond well to your approach.

3. Say sorry

“I’m sorry” sound like such simple words yet they can be very difficult to say, especially if you feel guilty. But they are important if you are ever going to get the other person to forgive you. It’s much more unlikely they will forgive you without you accepting guilt and apologising.

4. Give the other person some space

Saying sorry should happen as soon as possible after you caused them offence. However, they may not accept it at first. That is why you need to back off after an apology and give the other person time to process it. They will need time to figure out if you were sincere (you better be!) and if they can find it within their heart to forgive you.

5. Stay calm

It can be difficult to keep cool, especially when you have worked yourself up to make an apology, a difficult thing, if it isn’t accepted immediately. But don’t panic and don’t react angrily and blow all your hard work. Very often, in time, they will be willing to listen to you again.

6. Never make excuses

Of course at the time of causing offence you had your reasons for it, but they won’t help now. And the fact is that no matter how justified you felt, it is never okay to upset someone. At the very least, you should have tackled things differently to avoid any upset. So never try to excuse your behaviour.

7. Let the other person talk

A big part of getting someone to forgive you is in them feeling that you acknowledge the pain you caused them. Therefore, it’s important that you let them tell you this. They may get angry, but you must not do the same. Remember, you can’t control what they do and they are human too so they may make mistakes; but you are absolutely responsible for how you behave.

8. Be willing to change

It’s no good saying sorry now, and then, carrying on behaving in the same way. Feeling guilty is all about you; it doesn’t help the other person or induce forgiveness, but altering your behaviour for the better does.

If you have truly examined your own actions, accepted responsibility for them and seen the error of your ways, you should see pretty clearly where and how your behaviour needs to change. Making a positive change speaks volume to the person your hurt. That way, they can truly see that you are sorry and want to change, so that is a great method for knowing how to get people to forgive you.

How to Get People to Feel Sorry for You

Are you one of those people that others just seem to expect to cope with everything? Does your life seem out of control and sometimes inside you’re screaming out for someone, anyone, to give you a break?

That can be really hard on a person, and that could be where you need to learn how to get people to feel sorry for you. Once they feel sorry for you, they might actually help you!

1. Assess your situation

You need to do this honestly as that is the only way to help yourself. It could be that you find that things aren’t as bad as you first thought, which should be taken as a positive. However, this reflection could underline to you just how much help you need.

It’s important that you don’t wallow in self pity. If you want people to feel sorry for you, your situation must warrant it.

2. Talk to the correct person

There is no point trying to get sympathy from someone who can’t help you or who doesn’t have a clue what you’re going through. Instead, try to talk to someone who has experienced the same difficulties you are going through now. They will also be the most useful ones from whom to seek practical advice.

If there is no-one you know who has gone through the same thing, try talking to a close family member or a trusted friend. Pick someone with whom you can be really honest and with whom you are not afraid to show emotion. They should also be someone who won’t judge you or gossip about what you tell them.

2. Pick your time and place

To unburden yourself, you need to feel safe in the place and also that you will not be overheard or interrupted.

3. Be honest

Tell your confidant exactly what is making you feel unhappy and so overwhelmed. Don’t hold back.

4. Stay calm

This may sound strange advice to stay calm if you want to get people to feel sorry for you. However, it works. You can cry and get emotional, but don’t get hysterical or whine. The idea is that you should appear to be battling bravely with adversity, rather than hosting your own pity party.

5. Show and Tell

In order to get people to feel sorry for you, you must clearly demonstrate how the problems that you are experiencing right now are affecting your life. Tell your confidant how you are feeling (anxious, depressed, angry, isolated etc.) and also how these feelings are affecting your life (lack of sleep, loss of appetite, difficulty in concentrating, etc.).

6. Demonstrate self help

It’s important to explain what you have done to help yourself. If people feel you have been lounging around waiting for others to help you, that won’t encourage them to feel sympathy for you; they will feel you are trying to manipulate them into solving all your problems for you.

If, on the other hand, you can show that your genuine efforts to help yourself have not worked out, other people will be a lot more sympathetic.

7. Look to the future

Anyone who wants to help you out will not want to be a bottomless pit of help. They won’t want you becoming dependent upon them. So, it helps if you can talk through some steps you’d like to take in the future in order to sort your life out, but explain that you feel too overwhelmed to do it all alone.

That way, they can see the parameters of their helping you and they can see that you don’t intend to use them and keep on using them. Tell them openly that you want moral and perhaps practical support from them and a listening ear, but that you know that the responsibility for solving your problems lies largely with you.

8. Express gratitude

Everyone likes to be appreciated, so thank your confidant for listening to you and volunteering to help you. Their sympathy will last much longer if they know you appreciate it.

The issue of how to get people to feel sorry for you revolves around you convincing them you are in a serious situation and need their help. Then you need to work together with your confidant to solve your problems.

How To Get People To Do What You Say

Wouldn’t it be great if you knew how to get people to do what you say? Your co-workers would work together seamlessly to follow your orders, your partner would understand and cater for your every whim and your children would obey you instantly.

Well, it’s not quite that easy, but by adopting a few techniques borrowed from neuro-linguistic programming, you can get people to do what you say a lot more of the time than they do now.

1. Understand your audience

First and foremost, if you want people to do as you say, you need to understand what makes them tick as an individual. You are going to use psychology on them and for that to work, you have to understand what motivates the specific person.

For some people, the glass of life is always half empty, for others it’s half full; some people run away from things, others run toward a challenge and attempt to meet it head on. You need to know who you’re dealing with first, or if you can’t find that out, employ a variety of the following techniques to hit several motivators.

2. Be careful with your wording

“I’ll show you how to boost your profits” is the same thing as saying “I’ll show you how to beat the recession”, but they speak to two quite different types of people.

If you are dealing with people who meet challenges, tell them the first statement; if you are talking to someone who tends to run away, appeal to their need for security and tell them this protecting them against losing money.

Also, you may sugar coat the pill and appeal to the better nature of the person of whom you are requesting something. Thus, “Honey, I’m tired, could you wash the dishes for me?’ is far more likely to get people obeying you that “Hey! Get those dishes washed now!”

3. Show that you know what you’re talking about

They need to be able to trust you before they will do what you say. So establish your credentials with your audience. Prove them if necessary. That way, they will see a request that you make of them as sensible and necessary.

4. Flow and association

This is a technique used in psychology, NLP and psychology. That will get the other person unconsciously responding how you want them to respond. You ask a series of ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions, to which the answers are obvious and predictable. When you get a ‘yes’ answer, smile, and when you get a ‘no’ answer don`t smile.

Do this for a series of questions so that you prime the other person to say ‘yes’, because they subconsciously enjoy making you smile. Then drop in your real request. You are now much more likely to get a positive answer.

5. Appeal to their better nature

It is possible to get someone to do something for you and to make them feel better about themselves in the process. Therefore, you can ask, “Could you hang these curtains for me? You’re taller and can reach the rail better”. You will have your curtains up in no time and your man feeling ten feet tall and so proud!

6. Be willing to reciprocate

It’s not such a good idea to go around issuing orders and expecting people to obey. It will work better if you establish yourself as a team player (even if you’re leading that team). Show that you are willing to do your fair share too and then people won’t mind helping out when you ask them.

T wrap up, by understanding people and employing a few subtle techniques of psychology, you can learn how to get people to do what you say. You have to know what motivates the person you are making the request of but you should also establish yourself as someone worthy of being obeyed. Ask in the right manner and you should get obedience.