Monthly Archives: December 2010

How To Get People To Tell The Truth

There is perhaps nothing more irritating, while in conversation with another person, than when you discover that they are not telling the truth. Interestingly enough, people lie in a huge variety of situations, from the cheating partner, to the boss who wants to appear like they are taking care of business, to the child who did something wrong.

However, there are some strategies that you can use to get people to tell the truth to you.

1. Above all, stay calm when you first discover someone not telling you the truth

Most people do feel betrayed and become upset when they discover someone not telling them the truth. It’s normal to feel this way. But the worst thing you can do in a situation like this is to lose control of yourself and your reactions, no matter how badly you want to correct it right then and there.

However, the best thing to do is to continue listening and make mental notes of what the other is saying for future use.

2. Confront them about the truth at the right time

To get someone to tell the truth requires some strategy, especially involving timing. Moreover, when people are not telling the truth there is often a litter of small mis-truths supporting the one they are telling you. It’s these small mis-truths that can help you zero in on the truth you are wanting from the person you are talking to.

When the opportunity presents itself, confront the individual about the truths you know. Point out the little mis-truths you have heard, guiding the conversation to the truth you are seeking.

However, many people who don’t speak the truth will defend their ground with rationalization, so it at leasts makes sense to them and they can feel comfortable with themselves. Be prepared for this.

3. Gather supporting evidence

This is important in order to show the person who is not speaking the truth that you know they are lying. It’s easier for a person to be untruthful if there isn’t any evidence to the contrary.

The more facts and evidence you can present to them the more difficult it becomes for them to deny the truth. Most people, when faced with the evidence, will come clean with the truth.

3. Get the other person to look you in the eye when they are answering you

People’s eyes often speak the truth, even when they don’t want them to. If someone can’t look you in the eyes when you ask them specific questions about their truthfulness it’s a good indication that they are not being truthful with you.

One good way to break through their lies is to encourage them to look you in the eyes when they speak. This technique can prove very effective with trying to get the truth from a child, in particular.

4. Involve a third party to confront the person who is not telling the truth

This is not about ganging up on the person who is not telling the truth. But it is about bringing in a third party who is aware of the situation. Talk to that third party and recruit their assistance. Concerned third parties can be an invaluable help in getting the truth from someone.

5. Appreciate why people might lie

People usually lie out of fear of telling the truth to you. Therefore, you need to put their fears to rest, to some extent.

Tell them how you can work things through if the situation is actually B (what you suspect), rather than A (what they are telling you). Let them know that the worst case scenario is to lie, and that if you know the truth, you can work with them to resolve the situation.

How to get someone to tell the truth is a challenge. It requires you to listen, make note of discrepancies, and confront that person who is not telling the truth to you. Follow those tips to get people to tell the truth.

How To Get People To Talk To You

Knowing how to get people to talk to you can be a bit of an awkward experience, especially during times when you are first getting to know a person. With time and familiarity, it becomes easier, but in the early days of communication with a person, it can pose problems.

For example, imagine you find yourself sitting next to a person and you each have acknowledged each other’s presence. Then you might introduce yourself; they do likewise, but from there the conversation kind of dwindles off, except for giving occasional glances to each other and thoughts of who is going to make the next move.

Fortunately for you, you can easily learn how to get people to talk to you. Picking up on the body language that they don’t just want to be left alone and in fact, might welcome communication, is a good start.

1. Maintain eye contact with the person you are trying to talk to, even when you sense a lull in the conversation. Eye contact tells the other person that you are still connected to them and are interested in talking with them.

When people sense that you want to talk to them they will, more than likely, want to talk to you.

2. Greet the person who you want to get to talk to you.

For example, if you are wanting to talk to a person while you both wait for an appointment then greet them. Say, “Hi” to them and maybe even make a comment how nice it is for you to meet them. You will be surprised how many people will want to talk to you when you greet them the right way.

3. Smiling is another key to getting people to talk to you.

For most people, a smile shows that you are friendly and approachable.

Does anyone like talking to someone who has a scowl on their face? The answer is ‘no’ for most of us because scowls can be intimidating, thus making one unapproachable. A smile, on the other hand, helps you connect and want to talk to you.

4. Say something that is mutually relevant to you both to get someone to talk to you.

For example, you can tell someone in the check-out line how beautiful it is outside or how good the service is at the store you`re both shopping at. Comments like these, which are positive, can be a good way to get people to talk to you.

5. Listen to what they are saying when they are talking to you

When you listen the right way people will see you are interested in them and what they have to say. From this approach, not only do you make a connection with others, but you can also gather information that you can use to help people to keep talking to you.

6. Use questions to get people to talk to you.

Again, you can ask “Isn`t this a nice day?”. This example is a simple one, but the point is that questions beg a response. Most people when asked if it’s a nice day will respond in some way.

By listening to their answers, you will also be able to think up some relevant questions to ask.

7. Let them know you want them to talk to you.

If the other isn’t talking to you and you want them to, let them know of your desire for them to do so.

Usually, when a person isn’t talking to you there is a reason why. Try to give this some acknowledgement in expressing your desires to get them to talk to you.

Learning how to get people to talk to you is not a huge problem, unless of course you just don’t want people talking to you. And that’s okay too! But just in case you might someday want someone to talk to you when they aren’t doing so, you can use the above advice to help you get people to talk to you.

How to Get People to Talk About Themselves

How do you get people to talk about themselves? Most people like to talk about themselves and what is going on in their lives with those around lives. By sharing things about oneself with others it gives one an opportunity for growth.

However, there are those people that shy away from the idea of talking about themselves, but with sensitivity, they can be helped to open up.

There could be any one reason, or a combination of reasons, that make some people reluctant to share personal information with those they interact with. However, there are some things you can do to help encourage people to talk about themselves if you’re interested in getting to know them more.

Here are some ideas of how to get people to talk about themselves.

1. Listen properly to what is being said

When trying to get people to talk about themselves. Often, you will discover, hidden in their conversation, points that can be a source of getting someone to talk more about themselves.

For example, asking pertinent and connecting questions that are appropriate to what the other is talking about, is a good way to gain someones confidence so they open up to you more. Asking appropriate questions, at them right time, lets the other person know that you are listening to them.

Listening builds confidence between people and encourages people to talk about themselves.

2. Take your time

Don’t try to rush in building the confidence of the other person in you if you are really interested in getting to know that person.

Most people don’t feel comfortable with telling a stranger about themselves. In fact, it could be dangerous to do that in today’s world. So don’t rush it.

The point is this: it takes time to build trust and confidence in order for people to feel comfortable enough to exchange the details of their lives. Its part of how relationships grow over time.

3. Make eye contact with the person that you are trying to get to talk about themselves

Eye contact indicates one`s sincerity, but your eyes also send messages of understanding and compassion. It is those eyes that could help someone talk to you more easily about themselves.

Eye contact allows you to see the emotions of the other person and them to see ours There’s a special connection which happens when you look each other in the eye.

In addition, eye contact is an encouraging way to get people to talk about themselves. It shows you care.

4. Use genuine facial expressions in combination with your eye contact

Your facial expressions reinforce the sincerity and compassion of your eyes. A gentle smile mixed with understanding and eyes of compassion can comfort others so that they can relax and trust you. That helps them talk about themselves with you.

In the same way, facial expressions of shock and disapproval can cause someone to stop sharing their life experience with you in an instant..

5. Don`t take it personally if someone doesn`t want to talk to you about themselves.

First, it’s just the way it is with some people. Accept it as a natural part of human nature.

Also, keep in mind that just because someone doesn’t want to talk to you about themselves doesn’t mean they don’t want to talk to you about anything else, perhaps even about yourself. Think about that. If you go with the flow, they may feel comfortable talking about themselves with you in the future.

Knowing how to get people to talk about themselves is not about you, but them. By using the ideas given above you might be able to encourage people you care about to talk about themselves with you. And if someone who doesn’t want to talk about themselves with you. that’s okay too.