Monthly Archives: January 2011

How Super Focus Gets You What You Want

Distracted, finding it hard to concentrate and always stopping and starting. Sound like you? And of course this can negatively impact our communication skills and play havoc with our ability to make good conversation because our minds are often elsewhere.

This is the way it is for most people because we live in the age of distraction. Text messages, phone calls, emails, FaceBook, instant messaging and on and on….

Not everyone though.

You see a special few have a secret way to stay focused even when its absolute chaos all around them. They float through life and wonder why everyone else is struggling and failing, while they just keep on winning and enjoying a full and happy life.

Copy What Highly Successful People Do

High achievers are different in one special way. They have the ability to focus and get things done even when they are bombarded by distractions and interruptions. They`re like a dog with a bone – they have a Super Focus state of mind that makes them unstoppable. And if they are listening to you nothing will get in the way of their full and complete attention on what you are saying. This if course is the basis of creating trust and rapport in any conversation.

If you could focus like this and maintain deep concentration when you talk to people  you`d be much more successful in conversation and even happier because you`d become more popular with the people you meet.

The Easy Way

For me, I use the Super Focus state of mind, to get what I want. In fact I used it just before writing this message to you. It`ll help me stay focused and enjoy a productive day. And best of all its easy to do. You can do it too. Be like highly successful people and focus like never before and you`ll have more fun and deeper rapport when you engage in conversation.

I explain how at this new page:

http://www.peterwmurphy.com/superfocus.html

How To Get People To Understand You

There will be times, with all the interactions you have on a daily basis, that someone is not going to understand you.

At work you may try to explain a procedure to a co-worker; in a social situation, like a restaurant, it’s important for wait staff to understand your order; and then, there is your private life where it’s very important to you that those close to you, understand you.

There are numerous situations where you will want people to understand you.

Here are some thoughts about how to get people to understand you.

1. Be in control when explaining yourself

Don’t let your emotions be the ruler, but the fuel of who you are. It’s an awesome thing to have a great idea that you are passionate about, but if you let passion dominate your wisdom you will lose control of more than explaining yourself. If you want people to understand you relax, in the confidence of who you are and explain yourself.

2. Speak with clarity as you explain yourself.

If you want people to understand you, then you are responsible for speaking in such a way that they can understand you. This involves knowing what you want to say. Once you know what you want to say, practice it a few times before you actually present to your audience.

When you want to be understood, avoid using language that is unfamiliar to those to whom you are talking. If street language is what those you are talking to understand best then use that language so they may have a better chance of understanding what you are saying. And definitely don`t use high class language because it could send a wrong message.

By the same token, if you are talking with a boss or other important person you won’t want to use street language to elicit their understanding. You will run the risk of losing them as they are forced to ask, “what does that mean?”

Speak in a language that your particular audience can understand and be clear if you want others to understand what you are saying.

3. Appear as if you want to be understood by those to whom you are talking

That means that you need to have confidence in what you be will saying. Confidence is about knowing what you’re going to say before you say it and in knowing that what you are saying is correct and useful or interesting to your audience.

Practice can enhance your confidence.

Your body language will also tell others if you are sincere about being understood. For example, if you are running your fingers through your hair, while trying to explain something to someone, you are demonstrating nervousness and insecurity, neither of which help you to be understood.

4. Be reliably honest

This is essential if you want people to listen long enough to understand you. Some people consistently lie or fabricate stories and then wonder why they can’t get any understanding when they really need it. It’s because of their past unreliability and dishonesty. If you want people to understand you then be reliable and honest.

5. Point out similarities between what you are saying and what someone else is saying

Similarities will help others understand you more clearly, and in addition, give more credence to what you are saying. When one sees commonalities it helps to make connections which in turn helps understanding. Thus, the more connections you can help someone make, the more understanding you can achieve.

If you want people to understand you than you must work at being understood.

These are some ways to get people to understand you. Put these tips into practice and you should get what you want: more understanding from the people you are talking to.

How To Get People To Trust You

The most valuable asset anyone can have, in interactions with others, is trust. Trust is the number one value between parties of any interaction. Even when first meeting someone we automatically begin to evaluate their trustworthiness.

Trust is an intrinsic part of human nature. It is part of our natural protection system and has been one of the most important foundations of all human connections since the beginning of time.

Therefore, if you want to develop good relationships with other people, it is very important that you know how to get people to trust you.

If you want to gain the trust of others there are some things you can do:

1. Get to know people well if you want them to trust you

People develop trust for others through familiarity and experience. The more you get to know someone the more they will trust you, and vice versa, unless you specifically break that trust.

Trust is the result of the reciprocal familiarity and experience with those that are around you and involved with your life on a regular basis.

You can’t expect people to trust you from the start, but you need to work on being trustworthy from the beginning of a relationship. That way, you don’t begin from a deficit of having already appeared untrustworthy. Once trust is broken, it is difficult to get back.

2. Spend time with those you are interested in getting to know and whom you want to trust you

The best way to build the trust that you want people to have in you is to be around the people you are wanting to build a trust with. This of course goes hand in hand with getting to know people. Courting is a good example of spending time to gain trust of another. As the relationship develops and grows the more trust that is given to each partner from the other

3. Be available to help those around you

A great way to help build trust is to think beyond ourselves when it comes to the needs of others. You might ask, “How can me helping others build trust?” The answer is this: “People will gain trust in you due to your positive behaviors and the help that you give to others with positive behavior.”

4. Be honest with all those around you, even when that honesty might hurt

One of the strange things about honesty is that it can hurt in some situations. But when you are honest in all situations you will get respect which will translate into people trusting you. If you are dishonest with someone, word has a way of getting around to others and gaining trust from any of those people then becomes more difficult.

5. Be sincere in your intentions with everyone

The key to people believing your intentions is in your follow through. If you say “I will do that” then do it to the best of your abilities. If you can’t do it for some reason then let the other person know.

Most of trust building is founded in your communications with others. Part of your communicating with others requires you to be sincere if you expect to gain the trust of those around you.

Getting people to trust you is totally your responsibility. By demonstrating trustworthy behaviors you will gain the trust of those around you. The flip side to the coin of trust is: “if you violate people’s trust its a challenge to regain”.

These are some simple methods for how to get people to trust you and avoid losing trust. Use these as a your starting point to get peoples trust.