Archive for the ‘Assertive Communication ’ Category

How To Get People To Notice You

Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

Whatever you are doing, either professionally or socially, if it is a good thing, it feels special if people notice you, doesn’t it? But all too often, people’s efforts go unnoticed. However, you can change all that and learn how to get people to notice you, whether that is in a social situation or in the workplace.

Let’s begin by considering how to get people to notice you in a social setting, because most, of not all of these factors are also applicable to the workplace too. You still want to attract the attention of human beings and they work pretty much the same way whatever setting they are in, when it comes to what attracts their attention.

1. Smile

In order to attract positive attention, you need, most importantly, not to scare away that attention. Do not glare and make yourself look intimidating as people will be scared to approach you and they will ignore you in order to protect themselves.

So, smile. Make the smile go all the way to your eyes so that you appear genuinely happy and welcoming of attention.

2. Appear confident yet not arrogant

This is hugely important. People don’t want to involve themselves who will be needy and hard work. So, hold your head up, put your shoulders back and look like someone with a comfortable sense of self worth. This will make you like more fun to communicate with, so people will be more likely to approach you.

3. Don’t look desperate for company or attention

This can attract you the wrong kind of attention and cause you a lot of problems from people who are equally needy or who are predators willing to suck up what little self worth you have left.

Instead, appear comfortable in your own skin. People will perceive you then as not being high maintenance and so, ironically perhaps, they will be more likely to give you attention.

4. Make eye contact

Just scope the room until you find someone’s eyes to lock on to for a few moments. Then work that smile again. The chances are that they will want to approach you and strike up a conversation.

5. Speak to someone

If you want to be noticed, talk to the person by whom you want to be noticed. Of course, don’t creep them out by throwing yourself at them and declaring your undying love for them. But make a casual, positive comment about the event that brings you two together today.

These methods will all help you to get noticed for the right reasons. They work well in social and work situations, whether you are with strangers or with people that you know better. Now let’s look more specifically at how to get noticed in a work situation.

6. Do your job to the best of your ability

You don’t wan to be the one who gets noticed for constantly letting team members down, breaking the Xerox machine or constantly calling the IT department for help, do you? If you do your job well, people will start to notice and you will start to get praise. That should boost your confidence and make you feel more comfortable about attracting other attention.

7. Be a good team member

If you help other people out where you can people will be appreciative of that and will start to notice your efforts a lot more. This also works with your friends and family.

8. Make a positive contribution

You don’t need to be team leader or the most productive person in your office to make a positive contribution. Just have the confidence to speak up with your own ideas or to support the ideas of other people.

This will help you with the next point too:

9. Form allegiances

Often it is easier to try to get yourself noticed when you feel confident that your ideas will be met with positivity. So try out ideas on a few people at first. If they are well received, perhaps go with one of your allies to put your ideas to your manager.

Al of these techniques will help you with how to get people to notice you for all the right reasons, whether this is at home or at work.

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How To Get People To Not Make Fun Of You

Monday, December 13th, 2010

Unfortunately, some people believe that making fun of people is funny and sometimes even the people who are being made fun of will have a laugh and a joke about it so that they do not feel stupid or hurt. This is usually, however, far from the truth and it is the psychological damage that does the real harm.

Of course there is no simple solution to this problem but there are certain things that will help with how to get people to not make fun of you:

1. To be able to understand why people make fun of you have to understand why that person does so. Most people who bully believe that they are stronger or better in certain ways than you are. They believe that they can control you or gain certain advantages over you which make them feel better about themselves. For as long as these bullies keep thriving on these conditions it is unlikely that they will stop.

2. If you take away their attention seeking control that they believe they achieve while bullying people then you take away the need to do it at all. By this we mean that if you were to ignore them then their bullying becomes a pointless task as they do not gain from it either so just ignore them.

3. When you are ignoring people who make fun of you, you should remember that there are certain ways to go about it. Firstly your body language should be tall and proud. If you look like they are getting to you then they will keep on making fun at you.

4. Another must is that you do not make eye contact when you are being subjected to verbal abuse as this shows that you have paid some attention to what was being said and they could persist.

5. Always try and remember never to talk back to them as this can lead to them becoming more aggressive and the bullying could get out of hand leading to possible violence. By ignoring them completely this will take all the fun the bully has out of bullying and they will leave you alone.

6. Remember to be confident as some people who are perceived as weaker or as some would class a loner are the main targets to bullies. They are seen as easy prey and will usually get the attention of bullies.

7. When you are the subject of someone making fun of you, always remember to speak clearly and never to act timid or shy as this can also lead to you becoming a target to people who are looking for someone to bully.

8. Most people some point in their lives will suffer from some sort of verbal abuse. This unfortunately is the way that human life is but you should not take anything that is said to heart as this is exactly what they want.

9. Even if they are making fun of you because of something that bothers you, like obesity or a disability, do not let them see that it bothers you as this can cause an escalation in the bullying.

10. If you portray to others that you are a confident person then chances are you will not be a target for bullies as they will see you as a threat who may give back as good as he or she gets.

11. Although it is easier said than done, ignoring bullies who make fun of you can still have an emotional impact on people and it is because of this that you should make sure that you can confide in people who you trust about the problems. Keeping them bubbled up inside can lead to unnecessary stress and can have an effect of your life.

12. Always try and associate yourself with a group of people who can be classed as your friends. It is a lot harder to bully a group of people than an individual.

Unfortunately, bullying is common especially in schools and with the younger members of society but you can learn how to get people to not make fun of you. If you follow these steps then they can help you from becoming a target or getting them to stop altogether.

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How To Get People To Mind Their Own Business

Saturday, December 11th, 2010

With all the reality TV and fly on the wall documentaries we see these days, it’s no wonder that some people can’t see that real life should be different and so they continually stick their noses in other people’s business. However, you don’t have to tolerate this. You do have a right to privacy and here is how you can exercise that right.

1. Don’t do anything in which the authorities should take an interest

Okay, so this is starting with an obvious point, but if you beat a child, steal someone else’s property, mistreat and animal, etc. you really don’t deserve the right to privacy on that particular issue.

So, let’s say you live a legal, relatively blameless life. How can you p[protect your right to privacy and prevent other people interfering in your life?

2. Don’t make your private life public knowledge

Celebrities are great ones for doing this. They sell photographs to everything from weddings to childbirth to cosmetic surgery, and then they get upset when people come up to them in the supermarket for autographs. What can they expect once they have blurred the lines of acceptability so much?

Now, while unless you’re a celebrity reading this article, you are unlikely to have anyone asking for your autograph over the frozen pizzas, this advice is good for you too. If you don’t want anyone talking about your marriage problems then don’t kiss another woman in the bar, for example.

3. Be discreet

If you’re having an affair with your secretary and you don’t want word to get around, don’t flirt in the office. Remain professional and keep your personal life out of work hours and out of the office.

4. Guard your personal correspondence

Of course, people should never read your private letters but you can be sure that if you leave such items lying around then some unscrupulous person will be sure to read them. For that reason, you should keep your email password protected and never tell anyone else your password.

5. Don’t fuel suspicions with secretive behavior

This mind sound like the opposite of the advice given so far but really it isn’t. It’s just that if you have nothing to hide, you shouldn’t act like you have. You may enjoy having a slight air of mystery about you for a while but this can backfire badly. You may appear untrustworthy and you may be the subject of some nasty gossip about what your secret could be.

6. Make some pre-emptive strikes

If you are having some work done at home, a new kitchen fitted, or a new dishwasher delivered let your neighbors know, in passing. They will see the cardboard boxes arrive and if you don’t want them flapping their gums about what could be in those packages, just tell them. If it’s no big deal to you, you will have stolen all their thunder and there won’t be any point talking about it behind your back.

7. Behave appropriately in public

If you don’t want people talking about you behind your back, don’t give them any bad behaviour to talk about.

8. Learn how to deal with intrusive questioning

Without causing offence, avoid answering any questions that you don`t want to answer. Make an excuse to get out of the situation, even if it is a lie. Smile and excuse yourself, saying that you need to head off to a dental appointment or to pick up the kids.

If the other person already knows that you are having problems but you don’t want to discuss them, then smile and thank them for their concern but state simply that the situation is under control and you really don’t want to talk about it.

These methods for how to get people to mind their own business should be effective if applied calmly and consistently to the people who seem to want to interfere in your life.

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