Communication Skills Power

Often, people will have trouble making themselves stand out form the crowd. For some people, they can be a bit nervous about voicing their own opinion; maybe they are worried about being wrong or be laughed at. So, trying to stand up for themselves, and really assert themselves can be a problem for some people.

It has been popular in recent years for schools to focus on building up the self-esteem of children. This can make many of them very assertive. Yet, often they are too assertive and they end up offending people. So, there is a fine line to walk when you want to assert yourself without coming across as mean or nasty.

Step one in doing that is to stop and think before you speak. Ask yourself, what is the point I’m trying to make. If you disagree with someone over a political view, the issue of Global Warming, or something else, making your view point known is one thing, being mean, nasty and/or insulting is quite another. Do that, and you will more than likely lose friends and not influence people in a positive way.

Next, there is the manner in which you express your view. You must not yell or shout it out. Do not interrupt other people when they are speaking. There is the old saying about doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. You definitely wouldn’t like people to interrupt you, yell at you, or belittle your opinion when you are having a chat. So, you should not do the same to them.

Another point to consider - staying on the subject. If you are talking about the upcoming Presidential election, then only talk about that. People will not like being around you if you are constantly changing the subject to suit your needs. In addition, if you are engaged in a debate, and the other person makes a good point, do not retaliate by then moving on to a totally unrelated subject.

There is also the matter of choosing the right time to be assertive. When you are out with friends and you are trying to decide which movie to go to, that is not the time to be so assertive as to demand that everyone see only the movie you want to see. Ironically, looking at the military is a good way of illustrating this point. Soldiers are given orders on a daily basis. Yet, there are times when they do not agree with those orders. Still, they follow them. But, there can be times when a soldier will be given an order and know that it is not right, that it should not be followed. That is when the solder must assert himself and refuse to obey. A good soldier is not merely a robot who blindly follows orders; a good soldier is aware that there may come a day when he will have to disobey. When that day comes, he will have to have a reason for it. Well, the same is true of being assertive. It is the right thing to do; so long as you do it at the right time.

Finally, when making a point - make it and move on. If you just keep repeating the same point over and over, hoping that eventually people will accept, you are not going to win people over to your way of thinking. If you keep harping on the same thing, you are going to start sounding like some sort of conspiracy nut. That is not how you get people to listen to you. One of the key aspects of being assertive is also being realistic; understand that not every person you speak to is going to agree with you, no matter hoe persuasive you are.

To assert yourself means to confidently express what you feel, what you need, and what you expect from others in a non-threatening manner. However, in the workplace sometimes asserting oneself can be easier said than done.

Often the work environment can be highly demanding and stressful and, as a result, be also a difficult place to effectively assert your self. However, the good news is that it can be done. Here are some tips to help you do that.

First and foremost, you need to know yourself, knowing what you want or need from your co-workers. Knowing what we need or want from others requires us to have an understanding of ourselves and what is expected of us, especially in the work environment.

Knowing, for example, what is required to complete a particular project and your responsibilities in regard to its completion will help you identify what you want or need from co-workers to fulfill those responsibilities. Once you know this then you can objectively request or delegate the needed help by asserting yourself.

When asserting yourself to gain the help of others in the workplace you want to be as detailed, yet as concise, as possible when instructing or explaining your wants and/or needs to them. If, in explaining your needs or wants, you are not clear you can open the door to confusion and, as we all know, confusion is counterproductive to accomplishing anything, much less effectively asserting yourself.

If you sense confusion encourage your co-workers to ask questions so that you can clarify yourself.

Sometimes someone may ask a question in a negative way. Address all negative feedback in a rationally way and do not take it in as a personal attack.

Many people do not know how to effectively ask questions and it’s not that they mean to be negative, it often is just the way have learned to communicate. If you can help them or guide them attempt to do so.

Also, sometimes people are preoccupied with other thoughts when asking a question in a negative manner. If this is the case give that person the opportunity to discuss or vent their preoccupation if you are in a position to do so.

In almost every work environment there is someone who knows how to get under the skin of others. If you happen to experience this with a co-worker don’t become aggressive, but rather turn the situation around by joking with them, or even being nice to them.

If their behavior is offensive let them know in a direct, firm and logical manner that what they are doing is offending you. If this fails you may then need to get others involved to correct the behavior.

When asserting yourself with managers or supervisors it is wise to know what you are going to say before you say it. Again, this requires you knowing what you want or need form these people before you approach them.

Many managers don’t have time to help you sort out what you want or need from them and if they have to help you with this you aren’t asserting yourself.

Having the courage to speak your mind is also a part of assertiveness.

But speaking your mind must be done without being an offense or belligerent to others, while at the same time expressing your wants or needs.  If you are offensive or belligerent people will perceive you as being aggressive, and aggression is not being assertive.

Aggressive behavior is threatening to other people, whereas assertiveness is not.

Are you a bore who has no or bad communication skills? Are you the silent type or is your nickname “Buttinsky?” If the shoe fits - wear it. Either way, you are lacking a vital element of your personality development. These communications skills tips are meant to show you some reasons why you have no communications skills and lead you to seek help on your own.Interpersonal relationships are tricky and complicated, and there is sometimes a power play by one party or the other. This power is achieved by one’s ability to speak clearly and get the message across to the other person. Dominance over the other person is often not the issue, and you must recognize that there is a difference between being aggressive and being assertive. Communication skills tips will help you determine whether you are aggressive or assertive.

1. If you are a verbal bully who picks on anybody you come in contact with, you’re relaying a message that you are aggressive, otherwise known as a control freak. Aggressiveness is good in some instances (as in defending yourself against physical abuse), but aggressive verbal bullies are generally people who have no self-esteem who try to bolster their ego by threatening others with their manner of speech and body language. The verbal bully generally finds a good target in a shy, retiring person who is non-assertive and lacks communications skills as well.

2. On the other hand, assertiveness is a desirable characteristic, but it has to be done in the right way. Assertiveness is the art of projecting yourself as someone who is persistently positive and confident. If you allow yourself to be bullied around, you are vulnerable and do not have the ability to defend yourself. If you are too unsure of yourself to speak up and defend yourself or stand up for what is right, you need help from the many self-help books giving communication skills tips or a professional counselor who will educate you in the basic skill of self-assertion. This may involve changing some of your personal traits such as being too passive, sensitive, and insecure.

3. One of the first steps in learning communication skills is to study and practice communications skills tips that are readily available on-line and in book stores. You must have self-confidence and raise your level of self-esteem to its highest level if you want to be effective in the way you communicate with others. Once you gain self-confidence, you will automatically begin to communicate better. Small successes may lead to bigger and better successes in every aspect of your life, thereby increasing your self-confidence.

You should gain communications skills not only to get your point across, but also to learn how to develop a support group via the friendships you will form by using communication skills tips. A friend can help you through difficult social situations, personal relationships, in your job or studies, and can give you friendly advice and encouragement in the areas of your appearance, on moral and ethical issues and even give you tips on how to improve yourself so that your body language communicates your self-confidence to others.

Some very basic communication skills tips that will help you now are:

1. Offer positive input, support and suggestions to co-workers and friends.

2. Ask friendly questions to get a conversation started, but don’t pry.

3. Offer support and enthusiasm to others by making positive statements.

4. Realize that sometimes no matter how hard you try, you may fail in your efforts to communicate with others - don’t take it personally. Study communication skills tips to help you get on the right track. The more ways to communicate you can think of, the more successful you will be.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com