Communication Skills Power

When a conversation is not working out there is the potential for
massive frustration or a breakthrough depending on how you look at
it.

1 Question your assumptions about the other person

Perhaps the breakdown in communication is based on rumors that
have no basis in reality. You may be unfairly judging the other
person and filtering every word he speaks because of a false
image of who he really is.

Have you ever harshly judged someone and found out later you
were completely in the wrong? Make sure you are not making the
same mistake again.

2 Ask for clarification

Ask the other person to fill in the gaps that are causing you to
lose your grasp on the train of thought.

Asking questions demonstrates your interest in a positive outcome
and is to be encouraged. Never worry about looking stupid for
asking for more information. The smartest people value information
and are always ready to ask for more.

3 Are you really listening?

Check that you are really paying attention and not just
pretending to be. Change your posture, pay close attention to how
the other person is talking and demand more of yourself.

Become more attentive simply by choosing to be.

4 Address the issue directly

Be direct and say aloud that you feel the conversation is not
working out. Often the other person will agree and together the
two of you will be able to work to correct the situation.

Two minds are better than one!

5 Ask for help

If you often have trouble conversing with a particular person get
advice from someone that knows the other person. Very often by
doing this you will get new insights you can act on right away.

And someone who is removed from the situation will have the
objectivity you need to make sense of the chaos you have created.

6 Take a break

Sometimes the timing just is not right. Reschedule the
conversation for a later time when you are better prepared, more
rested or not as distracted by other issues.

Forcing something to work out when the odds are stacked against
you is difficult and often unnecessary. Get back to it later when
you are feeling more capable and you will make better decisions
and with less effort.

7 Aim for good not perfect

Sometimes we hold such high standards for ourselves that we can
never win. If you demand 100 per cent success at all times you are
setting yourself up for constant disappointment. Do your best and
aim to learn and improve from every experience.

Be kinder to yourself and you will be more relaxed in all of your
dealings with other people. And ironically your performance will
improve because you are not being so hard on yourself.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:
http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

No matter how wonderful you are sometimes other people will try
to take advantage of your good nature. They will push you, get
you to do more than your fair share and keep asking you to do
even more.

And worst of all — often your efforts will be taken for granted.
Unless you can say No, the situation will not change in fact it
may get even more difficult.

That is unless you can say No to these unreasonable people
because very often to win respect from people you have to
sometimes say No.

Here are 4 great ways to stand up for yourself and say No:

1 Soften the No

Instead of shouting No at the person and creating an
uncomfortable encounter you can instead soften the No by
postponing your help.

For example –

- No, I am busy right now but I can help you in 40 minutes time
- No, I have other things to do at the moment
- Right now I do not have a free moment maybe later on
- I would love to help but not at this minute, try John

What you are doing is softening the No by saying not now rather
than an outright No. This is a lot easier to do especially when
dealing with people who intimidate you.

2 Negotiate

To deal with people who want your help but are slow to help you
– negotiate! When they want something from you, you have the
power - use it!

Say you are happy to help on one condition — that they help you
immediately when you seek their help. They will usually agree
because they have to! If they say No, again as above, postpone
helping them if you can.

There are some people who view the world in terms of what is in
it for them and the concerns of others are of secondary
importance. With these people you are wasting your time talking
about your needs.

For that reason you have to link your needs to their gains by
negotiating - tell them they will get what they want IF you get
what you want.

3 Say No When You Do Not Care About the Outcome

When you are flexing this new found ability to say No for the
first time use every opportunity to get some practice e.g.

- In a restaurant, say no to the first table you are offered
- at home say No to coffee when everyone else says Yes, have tea
- In a store say yes to an offer of help but No to the product

What I mean is to say No when you are dealing with people whose
approval is not that important to you. You will quickly learn
through experience that it is not the end of the world if you
say no and the other person is not pleased with you.

4 Say No to the Big Request and Yes to a Smaller One

Sometimes you are going to be asked to do more than your fair
share. If you cannot avoid the job you may need to consider
doing part of it.

A good way to handle these requests is to offer to do part
of the job but not all of it. For example:

- I will clean 2 rooms if you do the other 3 rooms
- I can do 5 pages of the report as long as you give me the data
- If you start the project I will finish it

By standing up for yourself on small points you will gradually
assert yourself more often on the big issues. The main thing is
to get started today on winning back control of your interactions
with anyone who pushes you too far.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:
http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

Question:

What is the worst thing you can do when you start your day?

Answer:

Wake up feeling lethargic and expect yourself to perform at
100% from the moment you get up in the morning; and then
compare how you are doing during the day against this
unrealistic benchmark.

There is a better way!

As you wake up in the morning take charge of your thoughts in
that early morning awareness before you fully awake.

Do this before you get up out of bed by repeating some
affirmations. Affirmations work very well WHEN you say them with
strong feelings in a state of deep relaxation.

If you have heard about affirmations before and never got the
maximum benefit from them it is because you did not know how to
take a very ordinary approach and supercharge it.

Supercharging affirmations depends on four factors:

- Phrasing affirmations in the right way
- Choosing ones that are right for you
- Saying them while in a state of deep relaxation
- Speaking them with strong feeling

At the end of this message I will tell you how to get fr*e tips
from an expert that will explain the nuts and bolts of
affirmations.

But for now…

When you use affirmations correctly their impact will last for at
least a few hours - long enough to get you started on the day
ahead.

Pay close attention now because I am going to reveal details of
some of my personal and very private habits…

I use the following affirmations to help me get up in a positive
state of mind:

- Positive thoughts bring me the benefits I desire

- Negative thoughts have no influence over me

- Everyday and in everyway I am getting better and better

To start the day with confidence…

- I am confident and charming with the people I meet

- I radiate confidence and relaxation

- I start great conversations easily and effortlessly

- I approve of myself and feel great about myself

- I have sky-high self-esteem

You can do the same.

Remember to say these affirmations with feeling and do so quietly
inside your head while in that relaxed awakening state.

Unless I use this ritual each morning I tend to feel negative
about the day ahead. The difference from feeling negative to
feeling positive is huge for the sake of those few minutes in the
morning.

You can also go one step further and imagine the day ahead
working out well. See yourself doing your best and easily dealing
with challenges. Imagine yourself feeling confident and behaving
in that way no matter who you deal with.

Imagine you will have a great day in this way and you are
directing your unconscious to make it happen in the language it
understands best - feelings and images.

Forget about will power.

Will power is a waste of time because it´s like talking to the
most powerful part of your mind in a language it does not
understand.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:
http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm