Archive for the ‘Reading Body Language ’ Category

Show People You Like Them

Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

Popular people know something many of us forget from time to time. They make a point of letting people know that they like them.

They smile, laugh at jokes, pay compliments and listen attentively to whoever they meet. You can do the same as well as some other approaches we will cover in this article to build better rapport with people.

Everyone wants to be liked so if you genuinely like people and let them know that you will quickly become appreciated and liked by whoever you are talking to. Like people and express that with positive feedback, acknowledgement and interest and its inevitable that others will want to spend time with you and get to know you better.

How can you show someone that you like him or her?

1. Be on the look out for what you like or can like in someone

Listen to the message behind the words spoken to spot the beliefs, values and goals of who you are talking to. This will reveal the true person you are getting to know. Look then for the positive attitudes and intentions people communicate.

Then its a simple matter of pointing out to people that you share some of the same outlooks and you can even say how much you like their viewpoint. This demonstrates not only that you have been paying attention but also that you have been listening carefully enough to understand the person at a deeper level.

Few people would complain that they are tired of everyone listening to then too much!

Here are a couple of examples.

- I see good health is important to you if you go swimming that much. Same here, I pay a lot of attention to staying fit and healthy.

- It sounds like you don`t have much time for TV with all the books you read each week. I `m too busy to watch TV too with the course I`m studying.

- I like talking to you. You have so many great stories.

2. Ensure positive and open Body language

Imagine for a moment you are talking to someone you like and find very interesting. Go back to times in your life when this was the case to recall how you behaved in those situations. Notice how you interact.

This is a great way to be with anyone you meet and talk to. Adopt this posture and behaviour and you will be open and positive in how you communicate with new people. By positive I mean attentive, energetic and focused on the other person.

If you are stuck with getting a handle on this one find a good role model you can learn from. Think of a friend, colleague of relative who is wonderful at meeting and getting to know people. Now, try out his body language in a way that fits with your personality. Act out how he behaves, try it on for size and notice how you feel different.

Next, practice this new way of behaving with other people and notice how people are more responsive to you when you are more open and positive with your body language.

A few key points to bear in mind:

- maintain natural eye contact

- face who you are talking to

- avoid distracting behaviour such as moving about

- respect personal space

3. Give compliments and ask for opinions

When we compliment someone`s intelligence, knowledge, attitude or experience he will naturally warm to us and be more receptive. This is a good way to show we like these positive qualities of the person.

A great way to show someone you like him is to pay a compliment and immediately follow that up with a request for an opinion or guidance on a related topic. Here are a few examples.

- I`m impressed by how much you know about fine cuisine, can you recommend some good books so I can learn more?

- Your car is immaculate, how do you keep it looking so new?

- Your positive enthusiasm is refreshing when most people are so busy complaining. How do you stay so upbeat?

Remember, everyone wants to be liked but often we don`t communicate this directly and assume people know that we like them. No need to keep people guessing – tell them!

Tags: get people to like you
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How to Read Body Language to Understand People Better

Friday, May 30th, 2008

Body language is non-verbal communication, but is used along with verbal communication. Body language expresses our emotions, conveys our attitudes, demonstrates our personality traits and supports out verbal communications.  Everyone uses body language whenever we communicate to each other.

Many non-verbal behaviors, or body language, vary across cultures, such as the thumbs up to signify “way to go” or  “good job”. However, the six primary emotions, happiness, surprise, sadness, fear, anger, and disgust are common amongst all cultures. These six are instinctual and are not body language we are taught, but come from within us naturally. When we talk about body language coming from within us we mean it comes from the subconscious level. And because it comes from the subconscious it tells a great deal about the person we. Let’s look to fear for an example.

Fear is a natural human emotion and serves a purpose related to our safety and security.  But let us imagine a person who has witnessed a serious auto mobile accident, but rather than running to the aid of the injured; they run franticly in the opposite direction. This frantic running away is body language that certainly infers some kind of fear.  Specifically what that fears might be we cannot know without talking to the person. But it is obvious that the fear has nothing to do with immediate safety. Through this example you should be able to see how we can read another’s personality through the lens of his body language.

Here’s an experiment you can try at home to see just how much information people give about themselves through body language. While someone is talking to you observe the body language they use as they talk. After a few moments of observation, close your eyes while continually listening to the other person. You won’t be able to see their hand gestures, facial expressions, or other bodily movements.  Notice how much information is not available to you because your eyes are closed. It is very difficult to read and understand someone without seeing the body language that accompanies their verbal communication.

One sure-fire way to learn how to read someone’s body language is to observe and get to know your own. Remember, we all have six common kinds of instinctual body language.  Of course they vary in degree of expression, but we all have them. There are also non-verbal communications that are common among certain cultures, societies and families.  Because of this fact two different people can have very similar behaviors that are expressed through similar kinds of body language. By knowing your own body language you can read similar ones in others, and therefore give you insight into another person’s personality and who they are.

As you learn your own body language try to relate those behaviors to your subconscious thinking. Try to regulate or over analyze your subconscious thought though. The only goal here is to match those thoughts with the body language you use to express those thoughts. This not about judging yourself, but it’s about learning to read your body language so you can read the body language of others. You can use this information to improve your understanding of the many different interactions you will become involved with.

Now that you recognize some of your own body language you can begin to read people with more accuracy. When in conversation with someone you can identify such things like mixed messages. Mixed messages are identified when a person says one thing, but their body language says something else.  Good example is when someone lies to you. They tell you, “I didn’t do it!”, but the tone of voice, the looking away, and the slight nervousness lets you know that something is not quite right in what they are telling you. This conflict between verbal language and body language could signal deception. Mixed messages are most certainly related to insincerity and point to that person as having something to hide.

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How To Use Body Language To Lead A Conversation

Tuesday, May 27th, 2008

Body language is a form of human communication that everyone uses, whether they realize or not when they do use it. Body language is used in the business world; in relationships; in general conversations, and more. We actually use body language in every interaction that we have, regardless of how slight that use of body language might be.  Those who are deaf and use sign language to communicate with understand the communicating power of body language perhaps best, especially when communicating with someone who is not familiar with sign language.

Head movements, body positioning, hand signals, eye contact, lip gestures and leg motions all are used in sending messages to those we are communicating with. By becoming aware of how we use these methods of communicating and developing these skills, we can lead conversations and interactions into specific directions.

Let’s take, for an example, the job interview. Job interviews can be nerve-wracking, but nervousness is not necessarily a good message to send the employer as it can indicate a lack of confidence or insecurity. As a body language nervousness can be noticeable and can lead the interviewer to asking more questions than you might want.

The best body language to use in a job interview is to calmly enter the interview room and slowly seat yourself in the chair. Sit straight in the chair and be sure feet are flat on the floor. As you are talking with the interviewer keep your posture straight. Be prepared to use hand gestures simultaneously with your verbal conversation as the interview proceeds.  However, you want to these gestures within the boundaries of your verbal language at all times.  You want to demonstrate professionalism, and body language can communicate this quite effectively.

Eye contact, as a body language, is a very important communicating strategy. Maintaining eye contact with the person you are communicating with lets the other know you are interested in what they have to say. If you let your eyes wander around too much this will indicate to the other that you are bored and not interested in what they have to say. This can be damaging to an interview, especially if you looking downward to the floor. Eye contact is not only an interview strategy, but it applies to practically every conversation you might have.

However, there is some balance that must be applied to eye contact as well. You don’t want to appear as if you are staring. For most people, especially for women, staring is disrespectful and has a tendency to make the other person nervous about your intentions. If you’re at a club or party for example, staring at other people could actually create some unfavorable situations for you.

Facial expressions are another body language that can make or break an interaction. A gradual, almost undetectable nod, infers to other person that you understand what they are saying. However, if your nod is more of hard jerky sort it can indicate that you are impatient with the other, or that you can’t wait to respond. This latter indication could send signals relating to control issues, which impatience does point to.

Combining the nod in a slight tilting way, with a gentle smile delivers the message that you are approachable. People like people who are approachable. However, the smile, for best results, should be sincere. An ongoing smile, or grin in many situations, can indicate that you are superficial and insincere. This could make you unapproachable.

Appropriate conversational question, along with the right body language, draws the other person deeper into the conversation. The right body language can send the message of your interest to the other and this interest is what can give you the ability to lead the conversation.

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