Communication Skills Power

Our communications and interactions with others can be weakened by both our verbal communications as well as our non-verbal communications. The use of inappropriate language, for example, can send the listener the message that you don’t have a good command of language and thus also weaken the message you are attempting to send.  This example also holds true in our use of body language.

Inappropriate body language has the potential of actually damaging our communications, not to mention damaging our image and reputation. Let’s take for example, the young man who, while talking to someone he just met, has his hand constantly holding the crotch of his pants. This is absolutely not appropriate body language, especially if the young man is talking with a woman. In fact it is highly disrespectful! This type of body language not only weakens the young man’s communications, it destroys his image in the eyes of the other, thus ending any the success of further interactions. Many young men today habitually walk around with their hands placed over their crotch area, especially in the larger cities of America, and then they wonder why they can’t attract a good woman.  Many women they would want to attract have zero tolerance for this behavior!

Even hands clasped tightly together or stuffed into pants pockets weaken our communications. Hands clasped tightly together send the message that you are tense and nervous about something, whatever that something is. If you are tense or nervous about something then you are not totally involved with what the speaker is saying, or if you are the speaker it send the message that you are insecure about what you are saying. In both instances it weakens the conversation and interaction.

Keeping your hands in the pockets, while you are interacting with someone, conveys a non-committal and aloof attitude.  Most people when interacting with another person want
signals of conversational commitment. Failure to commit yourself to the interaction will weaken it and cause it to end, possibly without you even being able to say a word.  Moreover, an aloof attitude demonstrates a lack of interest in the interaction. If you are not interested in what the other has to say, they certainly are not going to be interested in what you have to say.

By the way, keeping the hands in the pockets is generally a male behavior, as very few women do this, if any. In both the military and court systems, within most cultures, this body language is strictly forbidden and can sometimes result in adverse consequences.

Phony body language can weaken a conversation as easily as any of the above mentioned.  Phony body movements send messages indicating that you are artificial and unnatural, making you appear to be someone trying to be something other than yourself.  This can weaken the interaction in the sense that if you are presenting yourself as artificial, then there is something fake about you, which then can lead to interpretations regarding your confidence and trustworthiness. Some politicians are coached about body language prior to making a presentation. Unfortunately, what happens sometimes is that, instead of blending the coaching in with their own natural body language, they apply all the coaching to the presentation as if it were their natural style. People want to interact with you, not someone else through you.

Annoying body movement, like toe tapping, knee bouncing, or touching your face are other ways to weaken your communications. Body languages such as these convey that you are nervous and impatience and that you are not concerned with details.  Nervous energy, when not kept in check, will weaken just about any conversation. The nervous tics will distract your listener and so if they are focusing on that behavior they are bound to miss your message altogether.

We use body language to send messages to those around us.  Body language can tell others when we are happy, sad, angry, disgusted, silly, flirtatious and more. However, body language can sometimes send the wrong message. When meeting new people it is important to present the right messages with your body language. This requires you to know your body language with some degree of accuracy. Let us look at some common body language mistakes.

Misreading body language is a very common mistake and most of us do it at one time or another. Take for example, the young man leaning against the convenience store wall, leg bent back at the knee, and foot planted against the wall.  He’s wearing a large thick coat and looks out of place, like he doesn’t belong there. As you drive by you interpret his body language to mean he’s a hoodlum of some sort, unemployed and just wasting time hanging out. But you don’t consider that he is waiting for a ride to go to work. You have just misread the body language of this young man and interpreted his behavior inaccurately. Now let us look at your body language and how people might misread you.

As we have all heard the eyes are the windows to the soul and eye contact when not used while listening or talking can send the wrong message about you. Most people perceive a lack of eye contact as a form of disinterest and, even though you are interested in the other person, if you don’t maintain eye contact, that person who is talking can misinterpret you and may bring the meeting and conversation to an end. Another common body language mistake is crossing the arms or placing something in front of you, such as a book, chair, or other object. For some people the crossing the arms or placing something in front of you sends the message that you are unapproachable because you have placed a barrier in front of yourself.

Some men do cross their arms when talking to another, doing this without really knowing they are. We have all seen that self-confident man do this as he listens or talks to us or to another. His conversation and attitude are pleasant, but those crossed arms. What are they saying?

Silliness and immaturity is another form of body language, but has its time and place. Having fun and hanging out with good, well established friends at the park may be an acceptable time and place to let it all hang out. But if you are at a social function and trying to meet new people this certainly would not be the time and place for this kind of body language. When meeting new people it can be advantageous to show your humorous side, but to become goofy probably won’t attract new people to you. In fact, you might get glances of disgust from those around you.

Improper posturing is a common body language mistake.  Slouching, and for women, uncrossed legs, can present you as sloppy, lazy and just plain unaware. At home or hanging out with good friends you can probably sit any way you want and not be misinterpreted. But out in public places where you are trying to make a good impression and meet new people you want to stand confidently erect or sit with your legs crossed.  This can send the message of self-control and pride.

Not smiling at new acquaintances is a sure way to put people off. It is a guaranteed way to cause people to avoid you, even though you may not truly mean anything behind it. If you do not smile, even a little, people will perceive you as unapproachable. So smile and win some friends! Now you know the common body language mistakes to avoid, you have plenty to smile about!

by Peter Murphy

Whether you like it or not sometimes people will ignore you
or pretend they are listening to you when they are not. As
you know this can be very frustrating.

So what can you do?

The first thing to remember is that there is no point in
continuing to do what is not working. If what you are doing
is ineffective take a moment to accept that fact.

Shift your focus away from pushing to be heard and instead
get creative and ask yourself…

How can I attract attention?

Here are 4 great ideas for attracting attention when you
want to be listened to:

1. Speak more softly

This sounds counter intuitive but can be highly effective
if you had attention initially . Think about it. When
someone is speaking and you cannot hear what is being said
doesn´t that arouse your curiosity?

Of course it does!

And most people will ask you to speak up as long as they
are not preoccupied doing something else. The secret is to
speak with enthusiasm and energy but very softly. This can
ignite an intense urgent curiosity that forces the other
person to pay very close attention to you.

When you speak more softly the other person has no choice -
she must pay close attention to you. This is a great way to
take control of the conversation.

2. Stop talking

If the other person is pretending to listen to you it is
good to stop talking. Stop and wait to see how the other
person reacts.

Let the silence linger until he encourages you to resume.
If he says nothing at all you can then ask for feedback on
what you said.

This puts the other person under pressure to start paying
more attention to what you are saying.

3. Create a diversion

When the other person is clearly not paying attention it is
good to break that pattern by creating a diversion. This
can take many forms such as asking for input, saying
something controversial or doing something silly.

For example you could ask an unusual question that forces
someone to pay attention and respond in some way. Maybe out
of the blue you ask someone: what is your favorite flavor
of ice cream?

Yes, it has nothing to do with the ongoing conversation and
for this reason it breaks the pattern - you are speaking
and the other person is not really paying attention.

Once you recapture attention you can then get back on
topic. Obviously you need to be careful with this concept
and adapt it to the context and people you are talking to.

4. Vary volume, tempo and tone

When you add variety to the way you are expressing yourself
it is very hard to ignore you. It´s like when you hear good
music it forces you to listen because of the variance in
tempo, rhythm and tone. The same applies to speaking in an
interesting way.

Play with emphasizing key words, pause for dramatic effect
and talk more quickly or more slowly to keep the other
person paying attention.

It takes a little practice to get this right and when you
do people will find it very difficult to not give you their
undivided attention.

Developing these people skills may require some work and
dedication, depending on the extent of help you need. One
of the most important parts of being a “people person” is
to be a positive thinker who is optimistic, motivated and
projects a positive image and attitude.

You should work every day to send out positive and creative
signals to others by your words, actions and body language.
The way you act can have either a negative or positive
impact on others as well as yourself.

If you want to succeed in both your personal and
professional life, or further develop your people skills,
it is crucial to change from a pattern of destructive,
negative thoughts to positive, creative thinking.

Don’t hesitate or give a halfhearted effort in finding a
way to increase your people skills. You can change your
life and now is the time to start. Communicating with
confidence can be learned…

Find a proven formula and follow it. You will be amazed at
how quickly you will progress. Although some people fear
otherwise, exceptional people skills can be learned by
anyone of at least average intelligence.

The difficulties you had in the past will not stop you
making rapid progress now. What matters is learning a
proven approach you can use for the rest of your life.

I did it.

It only took me 14 years to figure out the fool proof
formula anyone can use. Are there any short cuts to
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Get out your copy of my proven system and start applying
the lessons, one at a time. Take a little each day and you
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Remember, this is a course that requires you to put the
strategies into action in your daily life. Do that and your
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Your Friend,

Peter Murphy

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com

Start your 365 day trial today. P.S. the key to greater
success and happiness in life is simple - make new friends,
develop new contacts, help others and let others help you.
Without better people skills we all get stuck where we are.