Archive for the ‘Interpersonal Skills Tips’ Category

10 Ways to Win More Friends and Be More Popular

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

There is a world of people out there just waiting to get to know
you. That may seem implausible, but it is true. There are many
people who would like you and want to be your friend if they
only knew you.

And so, part of winning more friends and being popular is
getting out there and meeting more people. There are
several other ways to win more friends and be more popular
but let’s start right there.

1. Get out and meet new people

Of course, you can make friends with people you have met and
had a little to do with for years. But the chances are that
if you have known them a while and you still don’t count
them as friends, they aren’t the kinds of people with whom
you would want to strike up a friendship.

That means, to make more friends, you have to get out and
meet new people. Find a new interest or hobby and get out to
relevant gatherings so that you can meet like-minded people.

2. Strike up conversations

Talking with a stranger can be difficult, but until you have
had a conversation with them, you can’t know whether or not
you like them. You can’t make them your friend without
talking with them.

This is easier if you have met over some mutual interest,
like at a concert, sports meet or club. If you have met
someone this way, you already know that they share a mutual
interest with you so you can talk about that.

Even if you just make a comment about what you think on the
topic, the chances are that they will reply with a comment
of their own, and then you have started a conversation and
you’re on the way to becoming friends.

3. Be a good listener

Friendship is based upon communication. That is a two-way
street. So, as well as having to be able to start conversations
if you want to win more friends and be more popular, you
have to be able to listen to the answers that you get so you
can respond to them appropriately.

Conversations need to be two-way processes. In order to make
friends, you have to get to know people quite well, and you
can only really do that by not only talking to them, but by
listening to what they say to you.

In order to have the confidence to talk to people and to
have them ask you questions too, you have to:

4. Like yourself

Again, you may not find this easy, especially if you have
had a lot of negative feedback in your life, but you need to
do it. It sounds like a cliché, but if you want other people
to like you, you really do have to like yourself first.

If you like yourself, you will project yourself differently
and deal with people in quite a different way to how you
would if you didn’t like yourself. If you are negative or
down on yourself, you are more likely to evoke feelings of
pity rather than friendship.

So, learn to like yourself and make it easier for other
people to like you and be your friend. Start with finding
just one thing that you like about yourself. Make as much as
you can of this attribute and let it buoy up your confidence.

5. Know yourself

If you are truly going to like yourself and not compromise
on your happiness in order to say you have friends, you need
to know a few things about yourself. You need to be honest
with yourself about what your ideas, values and beliefs are.

Are some of these beliefs blocking you from making friends?
These could be all manner of things: offensive ideas, negative
self-beliefs which stop you talking to people etc.

On the other hand, are there ideas and beliefs which you
really hold dear and don’t want to change? These things
should be reserved in your personality even as you seek
friends. It would also be a good starting point to think of
finding potential friends who share these ideas, too.

6. Smile

If you smile at people, it helps to make them feel more
important and valued. People like and respect people who
value them, so you will appear much more positively in their
eyes if you smile at them.

Smiling makes it look like you are having fun, and
consequently, as if you would be fun to know. People will be
attracted to that and want to get to know you better. They
may even be intrigued and wonder what your secret of
happiness is!

7. Stay true to yourself

Part of liking yourself and being able to smile openly and
be receptive to new friends is in staying true to yourself.
You can’t really like yourself if you change yourself to fit
in with the ‘in’ crowd, doing things that you don’t agree
with. So don’t do it!

Having found what you like about yourself, keep it that way.
Of course you can adapt slightly. Friendships, like all
relationships, require adaptation to another person, but in
doing that, you shouldn’t lose sight of who you are.

You shouldn’t do things you don’t agree with, just to make
friends. They aren’t the right friends for you if you need to
change yourself that much for them to like you.

8. Be selective about your friends

More friends are not necessarily better than good friends. With
good friends, they will know the real you and like you for
who you are. They will share your interests and at least
some of your opinions.

Those are the people who will make you happy, so choose your
friends with care. Don’t be talked into doing things you
don’t want to do, just to have their approval.

9. Put yourself out for people

True friends don’t just make small talk. They help each
other. So, if you want to be more popular, you should be
there for the bad times as well as the good. If you have a
friend who needs you, you should be willing to help them.

It may be as simple as giving someone a heartfelt compliment.
That will make them feel good and make them want to be
friendly with you.

Of course, there is no need to compromise your standards or to
bankrupt yourself to help a friend. Sometimes all that is
necessary is for you to be there to listen to them as they
tell you their troubles. Sometimes they may call on you for
practical as well as emotional support. Good friends give
this support to each other.

10. Give friendship time to develop

Friendship isn’t born in one or two conversations. It
develops over time. Trying to force the issue of friendship
will actually push people further away from being your
friend.

Relax and trust that you are someone worthy of friendship.
Smile and appear as if you are open to friendship by talking
to people and listening to what they say to you. Look for
friends in the people who share your interests and stay true
to yourself. You will soon attract people to you and develop
friendships with them. Let it happen.

Now, get out there and win more friends and be more popular!

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How to Get Your Man to Talk More

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

When you are in a relationship, there are many things that are important to make it work, to make it grow, and thrive.  As with anything else in life, you must strive to build your relationship and make it healthy. And, one of the key aspects to a relationship is communication. For, if you can not talk and speak openly to each other, you can never grow truly close and find a lasting relationship.

Yet, you may find it difficult to draw certain things out of your man. It is said that, these days, men are more open and sensitive. Well, that may be true to some extent, but political correctness aside, men are still men, and they often don’t speak their minds. So, how can you get the man in your life to speak more openly about his feelings and emotions? Well, there are a few tips to follow.

First, turn off the television, Playstation, Xbox etc. The male mind does best when it can focus on one thing. Trying to talk to your man while he is watching a football game or the latest “Die Hard” movie is a recipe for not talking at all; all you will get are a bunch of “yups”, “nopes”, etc.

Next, try to talk about one thing. Here again, the male mind does best if it can focus on one subject. Also, if you can mix up the subjects you want to speak about, and throw in some light and casual topics; that will help also. You may want to talk to him about love, marriage, children, visiting our family etc. But, if all you talk about is serious matters, you’re going to turn him off to talking altogether.

Consider the lesson of Dr. Pavlov and his work with dogs. He found that a conditioned response could be set up with a dog. Well, men are often compared to dogs, but they aren’t quite so crude; however,  they do respond to stimuli in a similar fashion. By talking to your man about sports, sex, and so forth, he will come to see talking as something to enjoy, not dread.

Also, when talking to your man, position, demeanor, body language, and even the clothes you wear can influence how he reacts. Men don’t do their best communicating when they’re sitting facing someone. It is rather confrontational. Here again, it all goes to biology, and the primitive aspects of the human brain. Where once men had to face off in battle for food, for a mate etc. and thus they see such a position as an act of aggression. So, if you want to talk to him, and make him feel at ease, try sitting next to him.

Next, there is the art of compromise. Remember that if you talk and yet do not really talk, merely dictate, yell or belittle your man, you are not going to encourage him to talk. This goes back to the idea of not talking on serious matters all the time. Respect his opinion, even if you do not agree with it, and tell him so. If you disagree on some point, seek to compromise on it. And, most importantly, before arguing or exploding at him, ask this question: in twenty years, will this issue be all that important? If the answer is no, consider letting it go.

Always remember, a relationship is a two way street, not one. The more you’re willing to talk about things he wants to talk about, the more you’re willing to change your views, and to listen to what he has to say; the more likely he is to talk more.

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8 Simple Ways to Effective Interpersonal Communication

Monday, October 22nd, 2007

effective interpersonal communication creates a feeling of community and intimacy where everyone’s contributions are valued. It leads to proper understanding, sometimes on a deep level, depending upon the circumstances of the communication. To have really effective interpersonal communication you need to make use of a set of skills and knowledge and to evaluate these and update your communication skills from time to time.

Interpersonal communication has a dual purpose of presentation and representation. Representation is the basic words we use and the meaning we portray; people sometimes tend to think that this is all there is to communication and they forget that how they present their message defines them and their relationships with others too.

It is in this latter purpose of communication (presentation) that misunderstandings can arise. This happens when people fail to understand the message being conveyed, or when people fail to make their audience understand; both sides of this are important as the people in a conversation all carry joint responsibility in uncovering and understanding the true meaning of a communication.

Some useful skills for making sure you have really effective interpersonal communication are:

1. Refer to your listener by name. This makes people feel valued and appreciated; it also ensures that they know that you are talking specifically to them; it alerts them to that fact and encourages them to concentrate upon your message. If they are listening more closely to you, you are more likely to be understood.

2. Adapt your message to your listener(s). The message may have to be conveyed differently according to the role and status of the listener, as well as their level of understanding. Different parts of your message will hold special importance for certain groups of people so you may want to adapt your message so that these things are emphasized for a particular group. Making your message relevant to your audience is just the hook you will need to make people start listening to you.

3. The call to action may differ according to who your audience members are, because everyone has different responsibilities. If you have something that you want your audience to do after listening to you, be explicit about this; make it clear what you want them to do, without being too dictatorial about it.

4. Make sure you include all the information that is necessary in order to make yourself and your message understood. If you can repeat your message and illustrate it in different ways, so much the better, as members of your audience will all understand things in different ways.

5. Avoid jumping to early conclusions. Listen to the whole message first if you are not the one doing the main talking. If you think you have the idea of the conversation very early on, often you will find that you will switch off or at least not listen so attentively to the rest of the message and this is one area where mistakes are often made.

6. Be aware of any assumptions you are making; are they correct? Will your audience understand your assumptions or do you need to communicate to them too, for effective communication? You should always try to judge how you are being interpreted by others too. Ask questions and mirror back what people seem to be saying to you, paraphrased, so that you can check that you have the correct understanding. This also shows that you care about how the other person is feeling; they will warm to you and you will ease communication with them.

7. You should ‘own’ your message, using terms such as ‘I’ and ‘my’; this makes your communication sound more genuine and sincere.

8. You should learn to express your feelings as that can make them clearer to you as well as to other people.

If you keep in mind these few tips and you try to practice them in your interactions with other people, you will see that you soon develop much more effective interpersonal communication, both as a speaker and a listener.

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