Archive for the ‘Listening Skills Tips’ Category

How To Get People To Listen

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

Getting attention and knowing how to get people to listen is a big issue for many people even though there is a simple often overlooked solution. Once you know the basis of all good conversation you know how to keep people listening…

All good conversation is story telling.

Yes, when you meet friends, family and new people everyone is looking for the same thing. They all want to have an entertaining, interesting conversation. Most of the time this means you will make a great impression when you bring up interesting topics of conversation told in the form of a story.

For example let`s say a new hotel has just opened in your city. One way to mention this is to give the facts and the statistics – it is a 5 Star hotel with 200 rooms, a gym, great views of the skyline and a roof top restaurant.

That is not the way I`d introduce that news as a topic of conversation. I`d tell a story…

“On Tuesday evening last night a little after 8pm I was walking down Main street with Lisa when we spotted unusual red lights way down the street. We had some time to kill before meeting her sister so we walked a few more blocks until those red lights got closer and closer. We still didn`t know what the lights were about.

Anyway, we got to the building and noticed that “the beautiful people” were everywhere looking cool. And those red lights were all around the building. Very unusual.

Its a hotel but it doesn`t look like any hotel I`ve ever seen. As you walk up to the entrance its more like walking into a cross between a really weird art gallery and a European late night bar.

We walked in and ended up talking to the manager. Very nice guy. He even gave us a tour of the bar and restaurant before taking us up in the elevator to the roof. What a view! You can see right across the city from up there.

I was impressed. This is a very unusual hotel. I`ve never seen anything like it.”

Notice how I shared a news item without making it sound like a news broadcast. I shared very few facts. I would share more information if the person I`m talking to asks me to tell them more. First I need to get their attention to see if they have any interest in that subject. Story telling is the best way to do that.

How To Be A Great Story Teller That Gets People To Listen

1. Build up a portfolio of great stories

I have many stories I tell again and again when I meet different people. When I meet new people these stories are new to them so its okay to recycle my old favourites. And, the more you tell a great story the better it gets. You can relax because you already know what you are going to say.

Forget about being original with everyone you meet. The best conversationalists I have ever met and learned from all share one key characteristic. they all have a stock of great stories they tell with enthusiasm and passion. They`ve told these stories so many times they look like masters of conversation. The truth is that practice makes perfect.

2. Always be on the look out for new and interesting stories

We live in such fast changing times that there are amazing new developments almost everyday of the week. Share these news items as stories and you`ll find people are interested to hear what you have to say.

Listen to local radio and visit web sites that cover your city to keep up to date with local news that could be interesting to your friends and family. You need to keep your eyes and ears open to pick up new conversation fuel or you`ll run out of things to say when you meet people.

3. Read good stories

What makes for an interesting story? Its the way you tell it as much as the story itself. Learn from great story tellers, copy their approach and you`ll find other people are a lot more interested in hearing your story.

Read good fiction to develop your conversation skills. Pay attention to how stories unfold and you`ll see how many, many conversation topics can be interesting as long as you know how to tell a good story.

4. Always focus on the human element

Talk about local news and what is happening in your community, talk about amazing new technologies or discuss the latest cool electronics gadget. That`s all good but remember to tell a story rather than merely share facts and figures.

The best way to keep it interesting is to focus on the people behind the news item. Talk about the mad genius who worked through the night to create the latest space age cell phone. Mention the 11 year old prodigy who figured out how the city can save millions by reconfiguring the computer systems that run city hall.

The people behind the facts are always much more interesting that what they did as long as we get to hear about how they think and how they live. Magazines and interviews are good sources for profiles about these people who shape the world we live in. If you read about their work pay close attention to the description of their personality and work style. Later this will be the basis for your story about their breakthrough.

Now, get out there and tell stories that entertain people and leave them eager to hear more.

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How To Get People To Stop Ignoring You And Start Listening

Tuesday, August 12th, 2008

Getting people to pay attention to what you say: ah, now that is a challenge every school teacher, advertiser, and director of marketing has been trying to figure out since the dawn of time. Anyone who has ever been in a position of authority will realize this can be difficult. So, if you are faced with this problem, what are some of the methods you can use to defeat the poor attention span of your audience?

Well, first realize the root cause of the problem. In our modern, high-tech high-speed world, people are bombarded on a daily basis with all manner of images – sights and sounds come at them from iPods, TV, radio, the Internet, and so on and so forth. So, if you stand before someone and just try to speak in a flat monotone voice – something like what Ben Stein did in the movie “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”; you are going to have the same affect on your audience as he did on his students. You are going to put them to sleep!

So, how to liven them up? Step one, figure out what sort of audience you are going to be speaking to. After all, if you talk to a bunch of senior citizens, they are quite a different group to some high school seniors. For that matter, highly gifted students are quite different from a group of “special needs” students. So, you must tailor your talk to your audience. Also, speaking to a group is different to speaking to an individual.

Next, look for ways to relate what you are talking about to what is important in their lives. Let us take the example of the high school students. You want to talk to them about the importance of learning to write. Oh, can’t you just see their eyes rolling back in their heads as you try to sell them on that? If at all possible, have some sort of audio/visual presentation. These days, just about anyone can do a PowerPoint presentation. So, make use of that. By giving them things to look at, you can stimulate attention.

Also, don’t preach. Involve your audience and speak on their Level. So, when talking about writing, talk about books that are of interest to them. Don’t drone on about the classics, use recent books that they would like to hear about. If you are talking to minority students, maybe mention how Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had to write out his famous “I Have a Dream” speech in order to learn it. Maybe show a clip of the speech. The moral here is: make what you are saying relevant to your audience. Make them care about what you are saying.

If you are trying to get someone to a reprimand or a  Warning, avoid being confrontational. Appreciaate your Audience’s point of view.

There is also the issue of the time and place of your talk. If you give your speech early in the morning or late in the day, people might be tired. Also, if they are hungry, they will be less likely to pay attention. If the room you are in is very hot or cold, your audience will be uncomfortable and not inclined to listen to you. If you can, make sure you are speaking in an area where there are few distractions and the ambience, temperature etc is pleasant.

Finally, there is the old classic rule about leaving them wanting more. Often, the best way to catch people’s attention is with humor. A few jokes, at the right places of your speech can help to keep your audience focused on you. If you’re an entertaining and interesting speaker, people will be more likely to listen to you throughout what you have to say.

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Common Listening Mistakes That Cause People Problems

Saturday, August 9th, 2008

It is no secret that people often need to be involved in a conversation of some sort as part of their work, and/or family and social life. So, that means talking part of the time, and then listening to what they have to say. For most people, being able to talk and hold up their end of the conversation is easy; it can be the listening that is not so easy.

So, here are some tips regarding good listening. One very common mistake is not staying focused on the talker. If your eyes glaze over, your eyes drift about the room, and it is clear that you are not paying attention, the other person is going to be insulted.

Next, be sure to let the person have their say. If you are interrupting them constantly that is yet another insult to them. On top of that, it breaks up their train of thought and makes it hard for them to stay on subject. Now, on the other hand, if you do not contribute to the conversation by asking questions, offering ideas and statements of your own that tells the other person that you are not paying attention to what they are saying; that you do not care about what they think. Along the same lines as this point, you need to speak to them with respect. If you speak with a lot of sarcasm and belittle what they have to say, this isn’t being a good listener.

When participating in a conversation, you also need to show the other person common decent respect. This means, you sit up straight, you arrive on time and dressed nicely, and you (if a man) are clean shaven. If this is a job interview, have a resume and references ready. If you are interviewing the person as part of an article or report, then have a pad to make notes or a tape recorder. It is important that the person sees that you are going to take accurate notes.

Part of being a good listener is also being a good host; if (in fact) you are the person sponsoring the talk. So, have water for the other person to drink, and maybe some snacks. Being a good listener also means giving the speaker the means of speaking in comfort. Think about where the talk is taking place. Do you need places to sit? Is the person who is talking too hot or too cold? If you are involved in a very long conversation, maybe you need to take a break from time to time.

Another common mistake you can make as a listener is going off on a tangent. That is, the speaker says something that reminds you of something else, some other subject, and you jump in with a comment on that other subject. This can lead to the speaker being confused as to what you are talking about, and even insulted that you seem to be trying to move the conversation away from what they were talking about before they were done. You then have to take time to make clear that that was not the case, which in turn wastes more time. This all goes back to the item mentioned above about staying focused on the subject matter.

One final aspect on the subject of being focused on what the speaker says is being able to paraphrase back what you have learned from them. If you are unable to do that, it is a sign that you have not been listening. This again is not being a good listener. So, follow a few simple rules and you will be on your way to keeping any speaker you deal with happy.

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