Communication Skills Power

Getting people to pay attention to what you say: ah, now that is a challenge every school teacher, advertiser, and director of marketing has been trying to figure out since the dawn of time. Anyone who has ever been in a position of authority will realize this can be difficult. So, if you are faced with this problem, what are some of the methods you can use to defeat the poor attention span of your audience?

Well, first realize the root cause of the problem. In our modern, high-tech high-speed world, people are bombarded on a daily basis with all manner of images - sights and sounds come at them from iPods, TV, radio, the Internet, and so on and so forth. So, if you stand before someone and just try to speak in a flat monotone voice - something like what Ben Stein did in the movie “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”; you are going to have the same affect on your audience as he did on his students. You are going to put them to sleep!

So, how to liven them up? Step one, figure out what sort of audience you are going to be speaking to. After all, if you talk to a bunch of senior citizens, they are quite a different group to some high school seniors. For that matter, highly gifted students are quite different from a group of “special needs” students. So, you must tailor your talk to your audience. Also, speaking to a group is different to speaking to an individual.

Next, look for ways to relate what you are talking about to what is important in their lives. Let us take the example of the high school students. You want to talk to them about the importance of learning to write. Oh, can’t you just see their eyes rolling back in their heads as you try to sell them on that? If at all possible, have some sort of audio/visual presentation. These days, just about anyone can do a PowerPoint presentation. So, make use of that. By giving them things to look at, you can stimulate attention.

Also, don’t preach. Involve your audience and speak on their Level. So, when talking about writing, talk about books that are of interest to them. Don’t drone on about the classics, use recent books that they would like to hear about. If you are talking to minority students, maybe mention how Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had to write out his famous “I Have a Dream” speech in order to learn it. Maybe show a clip of the speech. The moral here is: make what you are saying relevant to your audience. Make them care about what you are saying.

If you are trying to get someone to a reprimand or a  Warning, avoid being confrontational. Appreciaate your Audience’s point of view.

There is also the issue of the time and place of your talk. If you give your speech early in the morning or late in the day, people might be tired. Also, if they are hungry, they will be less likely to pay attention. If the room you are in is very hot or cold, your audience will be uncomfortable and not inclined to listen to you. If you can, make sure you are speaking in an area where there are few distractions and the ambience, temperature etc is pleasant.

Finally, there is the old classic rule about leaving them wanting more. Often, the best way to catch people’s attention is with humor. A few jokes, at the right places of your speech can help to keep your audience focused on you. If you’re an entertaining and interesting speaker, people will be more likely to listen to you throughout what you have to say.

It is no secret that people often need to be involved in a conversation of some sort as part of their work, and/or family and social life. So, that means talking part of the time, and then listening to what they have to say. For most people, being able to talk and hold up their end of the conversation is easy; it can be the listening that is not so easy.

So, here are some tips regarding good listening. One very common mistake is not staying focused on the talker. If your eyes glaze over, your eyes drift about the room, and it is clear that you are not paying attention, the other person is going to be insulted.

Next, be sure to let the person have their say. If you are interrupting them constantly that is yet another insult to them. On top of that, it breaks up their train of thought and makes it hard for them to stay on subject. Now, on the other hand, if you do not contribute to the conversation by asking questions, offering ideas and statements of your own that tells the other person that you are not paying attention to what they are saying; that you do not care about what they think. Along the same lines as this point, you need to speak to them with respect. If you speak with a lot of sarcasm and belittle what they have to say, this isn’t being a good listener.

When participating in a conversation, you also need to show the other person common decent respect. This means, you sit up straight, you arrive on time and dressed nicely, and you (if a man) are clean shaven. If this is a job interview, have a resume and references ready. If you are interviewing the person as part of an article or report, then have a pad to make notes or a tape recorder. It is important that the person sees that you are going to take accurate notes.

Part of being a good listener is also being a good host; if (in fact) you are the person sponsoring the talk. So, have water for the other person to drink, and maybe some snacks. Being a good listener also means giving the speaker the means of speaking in comfort. Think about where the talk is taking place. Do you need places to sit? Is the person who is talking too hot or too cold? If you are involved in a very long conversation, maybe you need to take a break from time to time.

Another common mistake you can make as a listener is going off on a tangent. That is, the speaker says something that reminds you of something else, some other subject, and you jump in with a comment on that other subject. This can lead to the speaker being confused as to what you are talking about, and even insulted that you seem to be trying to move the conversation away from what they were talking about before they were done. You then have to take time to make clear that that was not the case, which in turn wastes more time. This all goes back to the item mentioned above about staying focused on the subject matter.

One final aspect on the subject of being focused on what the speaker says is being able to paraphrase back what you have learned from them. If you are unable to do that, it is a sign that you have not been listening. This again is not being a good listener. So, follow a few simple rules and you will be on your way to keeping any speaker you deal with happy.

When you are in a relationship, communication is one of the fundamental factors in building a lasting bond of affection between the two of you. So, being able to sit and talk, and work things out between you is vitally important to that relationship. And, just talking is not enough, you both must listen to what the other has to say, and then act on it to insure the health and growth of your union.

So, what can do you to get your partner to listen? Step one is timing: picking the right time to talk about a certain subject. Remember, not all conversations have to be about heavy, serious matters. A talk about where you want to go for your next vacation could be talked about over lunch at a nearby restaurant. But, asking your partner to indulge in some sexual fantasy of yours might be best talked about in the privacy of your own home.

This brings up another item to consider: subject matter. Not all talks have to be about serious subjects. One way of insuring that your partner is willing to listen to you when you want to talk about something very important is to not make every conversation about very important issues. If every time you say: “We need to talk” he (or she) knows it is something critical - something they have done wrong or needs to change about them, they are going to groan, roll their eyes and dread every minute of the conversation. That is not conducive to good listening.

Next, there are distractions. Turn off the television, turn down the radio, put the laptop on sleep mode, and send the kids (if any) out to play. If you expect your partner to truly listen to you, they not only have to be able to hear you, they have to have nothing around them to keep them from focusing on what you say.

Then there is the matter of how you talk to your partner. If you are just going to sit there and lecture them, they are going to tune you out. No -one likes to be lectured. Try to make it a true conversation. You talk, they talk, and you listen to what each other has to say.

You should try as much as possible to not sound like you are blaming them for something, and to also not sound like you are whining. You need to speak firmly, and clearly, but don’t demean or insult. It’s said that in the TV show “Home Improvement” Patricia Richardson got the role of Jill, Tim’s wife because the first actress sounded like she was whining when she asked Tim not to fiddle with the dishwasher in the pilot. The producers realized Jill needed to be firm, not yell, and not beg. It had to be clear that there was mutual respect between the two characters.

Another helpful hint is the idea of focus. Don’t sit down to talk with a long list of subjects to talk about. If your partner is a man, keep in mind that guys tend to do best when talking about one subject; it is just how their brains are wired. If you talk about ten different matters, your partner is not going to be able to keep everything straight.

It doesn’t matter if you have a dozen things to talk about; try limiting each conversation to two or three at most, and make them related if possible. Do this, and it is much more likely that they will hear you, listen, and remember what is important to you.