When people do not listen to you, especially when you are trying to say something important, and they don`t listen you may well become aggravated. However, that does not help the situation.

Thankfully, there are some things you can do to deal with people that don`t listen.

1. Pause while talking

This is especially important if what you have to say will take some time. The average adults attention span is relatively short and their attention can wander to other things while you are talking.

Bring their attention back to you and what you are saying pause every so often by pausing. This gives the other person an opportunity to process what you have said and ask questions. Pausing while you are talking opens the door for the other to become involved in what you are saying. Make the conversation an interactive one if at all possible if you want people to listen.

2. Minimize distractions for the listener

If you need to talk to someone one-on-one about something important, find a place, like an office or a separate room, where you won`t be bothered by other people. There is almost nothing worse than to have people constantly walking in and out of a room while other people are trying to listen to you.

If you are talking to a group of people, like when making a presentation or doing a lecture, be sure that the room you use has few distractions and that people are not going in and out while you are speaking.

Also, use props like charts or slide projections to keep your audience focused to the front and on you. Before you begin your presentation advise your audience that you would like them to turn off their cell phones and put laptops away. Both cell phones and laptops can be a huge distraction for people and can keep them from listening to you.

Ringing cell phones and conversations on them will distract more people than just the ones using them. Any distraction will interfere with peoples ability to effectively listen.

3. Use appropriate language

What we are talking about here is using language that your audience is familiar with.

You may be well educated and have a great command of language, but your audience may not. If they do not understand what you are saying you will most certainly cause them to wonder what the heck you are talking about.

If they can`t figure out what you mean they will lose interest and you lose the attention you need from them and they will become distracted with other thoughts.

4. Give people a reason to listen

Most people listen and listen better when they know they will benefit, in some way, from what you have to say.

Sales people use this technique with customers all the time because they know that the customer is only interested in what will benefit them. Before starting to talk, tell your audience why their attention is important and how what you have to say will be beneficial to them.

When people don`t listen to us it is frustrating and sometimes aggravating. But because we are the ones talking, the responsibility for their listening often rests on our shoulders. The next time you are faced with someone not listening to you try some of these techniques to help you deal with people who don`t listen.

Very often when we make conversation we are paying attention to who is speaking while holding in mind what we want to say next when its our turn to talk. Then, we dive in when the other person pauses for breath! This is especially true when we are in a hurry or when we need to cover a lot of ground in just a few minutes.

However this jumping into the conversation even if its normal behaviour disrespects whoever we are talking to. By our actions we are demonstrating that we are listening only long enough to get an opportunity to speak. This can create a tension in the conversation with each person competing for air time. And that`s why the listening pause is so important…

The listening pause is easy to apply. When you are listening to someone who is talking to you. Give 100% attention to what is being said. And, when this person stops talking wait 3 seconds before speaking up. Do this and you will often find the other person is not finished talking. He will often continue what he was talking about. Again, pause for 3 seconds before saying anything and only when the other person does not continue talking do you want to speak up.

When you use the listening pause you will see several immediate positive changes in your interactions with people. Firstly, they will know you are actually listening to what is being said and because of that they will feel appreciated and respected. Secondly, people will warm to you because so many people are not listened to. Thirdly, when you start speaking the other person is very likely to reciprocate and listen to you as attentively as you did for him.

All of these positive changes facilitate a great conversation based on mutual respect and attention. Great friendships and happy relationships can quickly develop in such an environment.

All you need to do now is to remember to pause for 3 seconds before you speak up when it is your turn to speak in a conversation. I simply count out 3 seconds in my head while looking at the other person and waiting in case he starts to speak some more. Start right away and notice how delighted it makes your friends and family members when you care enough to listen to what they want to say to you.

All good conversation is story telling.

Yes, when you meet friends, family and new people everyone is looking for the same thing. They all want to have an entertaining, interesting conversation. Most of the time this means you will make a great impression when you bring up interesting topics of conversation told in the form of a story.

For example let`s say a new hotel has just opened in your city. One way to mention this is to give the facts and the statistics – it is a 5 Star hotel with 200 rooms, a gym, great views of the skyline and a roof top restaurant.

That is not the way I`d introduce that news as a topic of conversation. I`d tell a story…

“On Tuesday evening last night a little after 8pm I was walking down Main street with Lisa when we spotted unusual red lights way down the street. We had some time to kill before meeting her sister so we walked a few more blocks until those red lights got closer and closer. We still didn`t know what the lights were about.

Anyway, we got to the building and noticed that “the beautiful people” were everywhere looking cool. And those red lights were all around the building. Very unusual.

Its a hotel but it doesn`t look like any hotel I`ve ever seen. As you walk up to the entrance its more like walking into a cross between a really weird art gallery and a European late night bar.

We walked in and ended up talking to the manager. Very nice guy. He even gave us a tour of the bar and restaurant before taking us up in the elevator to the roof. What a view! You can see right across the city from up there.

I was impressed. This is a very unusual hotel. I`ve never seen anything like it.”

Notice how I shared a news item without making it sound like a news broadcast. I shared very few facts. I would share more information if the person I`m talking to asks me to tell them more. First I need to get their attention to see if they have any interest in that subject. Story telling is the best way to do that.

How To Be A Great Story Teller That Gets People To Listen

1. Build up a portfolio of great stories

I have many stories I tell again and again when I meet different people. When I meet new people these stories are new to them so its okay to recycle my old favourites. And, the more you tell a great story the better it gets. You can relax because you already know what you are going to say.

Forget about being original with everyone you meet. The best conversationalists I have ever met and learned from all share one key characteristic. they all have a stock of great stories they tell with enthusiasm and passion. They`ve told these stories so many times they look like masters of conversation. The truth is that practice makes perfect.

2. Always be on the look out for new and interesting stories

We live in such fast changing times that there are amazing new developments almost everyday of the week. Share these news items as stories and you`ll find people are interested to hear what you have to say.

Listen to local radio and visit web sites that cover your city to keep up to date with local news that could be interesting to your friends and family. You need to keep your eyes and ears open to pick up new conversation fuel or you`ll run out of things to say when you meet people.

3. Read good stories

What makes for an interesting story? Its the way you tell it as much as the story itself. Learn from great story tellers, copy their approach and you`ll find other people are a lot more interested in hearing your story.

Read good fiction to develop your conversation skills. Pay attention to how stories unfold and you`ll see how many, many conversation topics can be interesting as long as you know how to tell a good story.

4. Always focus on the human element

Talk about local news and what is happening in your community, talk about amazing new technologies or discuss the latest cool electronics gadget. That`s all good but remember to tell a story rather than merely share facts and figures.

The best way to keep it interesting is to focus on the people behind the news item. Talk about the mad genius who worked through the night to create the latest space age cell phone. Mention the 11 year old prodigy who figured out how the city can save millions by reconfiguring the computer systems that run city hall.

The people behind the facts are always much more interesting that what they did as long as we get to hear about how they think and how they live. Magazines and interviews are good sources for profiles about these people who shape the world we live in. If you read about their work pay close attention to the description of their personality and work style. Later this will be the basis for your story about their breakthrough.

Now, get out there and tell stories that entertain people and leave them eager to hear more.

Well, first realize the root cause of the problem. In our modern, high-tech high-speed world, people are bombarded on a daily basis with all manner of images – sights and sounds come at them from iPods, TV, radio, the Internet, and so on and so forth. So, if you stand before someone and just try to speak in a flat monotone voice – something like what Ben Stein did in the movie “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”; you are going to have the same affect on your audience as he did on his students. You are going to put them to sleep!

So, how to liven them up? Step one, figure out what sort of audience you are going to be speaking to. After all, if you talk to a bunch of senior citizens, they are quite a different group to some high school seniors. For that matter, highly gifted students are quite different from a group of “special needs” students. So, you must tailor your talk to your audience. Also, speaking to a group is different to speaking to an individual.

Next, look for ways to relate what you are talking about to what is important in their lives. Let us take the example of the high school students. You want to talk to them about the importance of learning to write. Oh, can’t you just see their eyes rolling back in their heads as you try to sell them on that? If at all possible, have some sort of audio/visual presentation. These days, just about anyone can do a PowerPoint presentation. So, make use of that. By giving them things to look at, you can stimulate attention.

Also, don’t preach. Involve your audience and speak on their Level. So, when talking about writing, talk about books that are of interest to them. Don’t drone on about the classics, use recent books that they would like to hear about. If you are talking to minority students, maybe mention how Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had to write out his famous “I Have a Dream” speech in order to learn it. Maybe show a clip of the speech. The moral here is: make what you are saying relevant to your audience. Make them care about what you are saying.

If you are trying to get someone to a reprimand or a  Warning, avoid being confrontational. Appreciaate your Audience’s point of view.

There is also the issue of the time and place of your talk. If you give your speech early in the morning or late in the day, people might be tired. Also, if they are hungry, they will be less likely to pay attention. If the room you are in is very hot or cold, your audience will be uncomfortable and not inclined to listen to you. If you can, make sure you are speaking in an area where there are few distractions and the ambience, temperature etc is pleasant.

Finally, there is the old classic rule about leaving them wanting more. Often, the best way to catch people’s attention is with humor. A few jokes, at the right places of your speech can help to keep your audience focused on you. If you’re an entertaining and interesting speaker, people will be more likely to listen to you throughout what you have to say.