Communication Skills Power

Would you like to improve your listening skills when you communicate? The life blood of a relationship and the foundation of all human interaction is communication. One must have listening skills to be able to communicate. For communication to be effective, you must have understanding, honesty, kindness, and respect. Active listening is a vital part of good communication. Most communication experts recommend the following traits to be a good listener.

1. Practice to Paraphrase. It is a good way to show that you have really listened. When there is a natural pause in the conversation, restate briefly what you heard by rephrasing in your own words. Then ask if this is correct.

2. Whenever it is needed, always clarify. Ask questions and clarification on anything said that you do not quite understand. Make sure you understand clearly before you react to what has been said.

3. Give effective feedback but be careful in doing so. Feedback consists of telling what your reaction is to what has been said. You should clearly state that your feedback is based on your understanding of what was heard. The feedback must be immediate, honest, and must not be attacking but supportive.

4. Always be aware of body language. Communication can be visual. You’re receiving not only words but, most importantly, you’re receiving body language and tone. Most often body language prevails over words. Learn to listen with empathy, openness and awareness. Nod your head occasionally as you listen to your partner and maintain eye contact to show interest in what they are saying. If you sense a discrepancy between what is being said and what you see, ask for clarification.

5. Concentrate. Focus on the speaker, avoid negative Distraction by choosing positive approach that speaks on the issue and against the person. Anyone can tell whether they have your interest and attention by the way you reply. Maintain eye contact.

6. Acknowledge through body language by occasionally nodding or saying uh-huh. Acknowledgment through body language does not interrupt but encourages more insights to flow. Oftentimes it is one way of conveying that you are attentive and trying to understand every word the other one is trying to say, without our interrupting the flow of his/her mind.

7. Be quick to respond. Too long a period of silence after the other one has spoken might give a wrong message that you have not been listening. Ask, clarify if you have not clearly understood. This would show sincerity.

8. Empathize, share in their emotions and feelings. A good listener feels what the other person is talking about and it shows. Facial expressions and body language can not lie and it often gives us away. Our mouth speaks what is in our hearts.

9. Listen patiently. We often think faster than they speak. Sometimes it is due to limited vocabulary and experience in talking, especially with children. Listen as though you have plenty of time.

10. Avoid cutting off before they have finished speaking. It is easy to form an opinion or reject another point of view before others have finished what they have to say. It may be difficult to listen respectfully and not correct misconceptions, but respect their right to have and express their opinions.

11. Master the art of reading non-verbal communication. It is a must for listening skills. Many messages are communicated nonverbally by the tone of voice, facial expressions, energy level, posture, or changes in behavior patterns. You can often tell more from the way one says something than from what is said.

Listening is an art, it is the bridge to understanding. When we are listened to, it molds us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life when we have good listening skills.

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Do you have good listening skills? Listening happens to be a key strength of good communicators. If you want to develop good communication listening skills, there are some steps you have to follow:

1) It would help if you feel empathy for the other party when you are listening. You will be able to absorb what the other person is saying better if you have empathy because the content will be close to your heart.

2) Empathy is also important because if you have empathy, you will be able to form an association between the knowledge you value in your head and the content of the message of the other person.

3) Avoid judging the delivery of the message and the person delivering the message, if possible. This allows you to focus on the content of the message rather than on the style of delivery.

4) You can rely on some techniques to improve your level of comprehension a spoken message. For example, you can ask the other person to repeat his message or certain parts of it. Then you can rephrase the message content in your own words and ask the other party if what you understood is correct.

5) Try to maintain an active body state. If you are alert, it will be easier to fight any distractions that would prevent you from comprehending the message.

6) Try to get as much detail as you can from the person about the message. This means asking intelligent and pertinent questions. Then try to restate the message in your own words so you can determine how much you actually absorbed and understood.

7) It helps if you are genuinely interested in the other person and the message. If you are bored (both with the person and the message), it will definitely show both in your body language and your replies. If you are not interested in either the person or the message, etiquette dictates that you excuse yourself politely and go somewhere else so that you will not waste your time or the time of the other person.

8) Ever heard the phrase ‘one touch is equal to a thousand words’? Well, basically what that means is, your body language can convey a lot of meaning. Study the body language of the other person so you can get the non-verbal cues he is sending. He might be irritable, sad, happy, or angry - all these emotions are subtly conveyed by his body language, not just by a spoken message.

9) To keep the conversational ball rolling, make an effort to ask the other party what his point of view or opinions are. Not only is this polite, you might actually learn something valuable in the process.

10) You should also let the other person know what your own perspective or opinions are. Try to make these specific rather than couch them in broad terms so that the other party knows exactly where you stand. This will reduce instances of miscommunication.

11) If the other person has offended you somehow, be vocal about your displeasure but do not get angry. Try to control your emotions so that the situation does not worsen.

12) Try to maintain an objective stance regarding your reactions and the consequences of the actions of the other person. This means being able to take a step back and view the situation from an objective point of view.

13) Do not try to own the conversation by dominating the flow and ignoring attempts by the other person to be heard. Try to dominate the other person and you will find you will get fewer and fewer people who want to talk to you.

14) If the other party uses emotion-laden words, sieve through the message without reacting automatically to the emotion. This will help defuse a potentially-volatile situation.

15) Follow-up any resolution to the situation. If you and the other party have agreed on something, schedule a second or even third meeting to smooth out any remaining rough spots.

This tips are just some of the ways to bolster your communication listening skills. Test these ideas and you will see the big difference they can make.

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There is a certain attitude that makes any interaction more
enjoyable and much less stressful. Once you grasp this simple
concept you will never again be intimidated by the prospect of
meeting new people and even those you have found difficult to
talk to in the past can become like old friends.

The secret is to approach any conversation with the intention to
give to the other person. When you give with no sense of needing
or wanting anything in return you simply cannot fail. When you
are not worried about getting something in return you cannot be
rejected and this will relax you.

Of course, everyone loves to talk to someone who is not only
relaxed and at ease but keen to give. All of a sudden, this one
shift in outlook, can transform the way others view you and
interact with you.

You´ll find people very pleased to see you and more attentive
when you talk. They will treat you like a trusted old friend
even if you have only recently met the other person.

And best of all, your deep friendships will be based on giving
and sharing. When you give first by listening, by caring and by
being supportive others will tend to reciprocate - they will go
out of their way to help you in return.

Can one shift in outlook make such a big difference to your
performance? You bet it can!

You see, most of us are so busy we often fail to take the time
to get to know our colleagues and neighbors. We politely say
“hello!” and “goodbye!” at the right times but never get around
to connecting with these people.

Before we know it, years pass by, and we never move beyond a
superficial familiarity. Why? Because social interactions are
treated as negotiations…

- if he approaches me then I´ll talk to him
- if she listens to me I´ll help her out
- when he gives me what I want I´ll return the favor
- if she doesn´t start the conversation I´ll ignore her

All of these examples illustrate common barriers to social
interactions based on fear, a lack of confidence and
insecurities. In each case if you remove wanting something from
the other person from the equation the problem disappears.

In contrast, when you talk with a giving attitude: you listen
more closely to what people say and how they say it, you put the
other person first and only talk when they have expressed what
they need to say.

In this paradigm interacting is not all about you - you put your
complete attention on the other person and something very
interesting happens. You stop feeling self-conscious, you don´t
worry about rejection and your confidence grows.

All of these great benefits come about because you are going
into the conversation to give and not to take. A total focus on
the other person keeps your mind too busy to worry about
yourself and how you look or sound.

Can you have this attitude of giving and still get what you
want? Of course you can! And it´s much easier than arguing your
case or pleading for help.

First of all, open the conversation by giving with sincerity.
You can do this in a number of ways:

- smile, be friendly and aim to make the other person comfortable
- really listen when he speaks rather than waiting your turn
- give your complete attention to the other person and ignore
the environment around you. Make him have no doubt he has your
100% attention.

The key is to follow through on all these points with sincerity.
Don´t just play at it but really live this attitude of giving.

Next, if there are any ways you can help him, do so. In an
office environment that could mean providing information,
resources or a contact that can solve a problem. In a social
setting, it might involve offering your informed opinion on a
topic you know a lot about. Either way, your goal is to help
first where possible before asking for help.

Finally, after first giving complete attention to this person
and helped him he will be more than receptive to helping you.

Sounds simple doesn´t it? It is but it only works if you follow
the formula with the right attitude. If you follow the above
steps with no concern for the welfare of the other person it
will show.

The secret is to sincerely give without stressing about wanting
something in return, This ironically creates the perfect
environment for receiving what you want.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm