Communication Skills Power

Making friends with people we just met is not easy for many of us. For those of us who have difficulty making friends with strangers we often find ourselves feeling uncomfortable and uncertain about making casual conversation when we meet someone new.

Some of us think we need to say something brilliant and interesting to attract others into a friendship with us and as a result we often place unnecessary pressure on ourselves which in turn can discourage us from attempting to make new friends.

Good impressions are important when meeting someone new. The job interview is an example of the importance of making a good impression. However, being brilliant and/or interesting can be perceived by the other as a performance, an act to impress and attract.
When we act to impress or attract this will often be revealed in our interaction through both our verbal and body languages and can easily send the message that we are a fake. The best impression anyone can make upon another is to be their ordinary self when attempting to make friends with a stranger.

When making conversation with a stranger for the first time it’s not necessary to talk about deep or complex subjects. In fact, such talk can actually discourage the stranger from further conversation with you because they may not be able to relate to what you are saying.

Talk about simple things like the weather for example. Your immediate surroundings can also be a good conversation starter.

Compliments are also an easy way to start a conversation with a stranger. Your initial conversation should be something that the stranger can easily relate and respond to.

Most strangers we first meet are most impressed by us when we demonstrate that we are interested in them. This requires one key fact that can be applied to all interactions, old and new.

The success of developing a friendship with a stranger, or with anyone for that matter, will be highly dependent on your ability to listen to that person. When you listen to the other you are showing them that you are interested in them.  The ability to listen is a quality most people look for when meeting a stranger.

Once you have initiated the conversation with the stranger you can direct the conversation toward personal introductions. There are two ways to do this. One is by introducing yourself. The other, which is sometimes easiest, is to ask the name of the other.

Regardless, of which way you choose it should be done as early possible if you wish to develop a friendship with the stranger before you two go your separate ways. If you want to be successful socially it will require you to take initiative when meeting strangers.

After initial introductions you may want to get know the stranger a little better. A good way to this is to ask them some basic questions about themselves and offer small bits of information about yourself.

At this point you don’t want to give your life history, nor are they going to be willing to give you theirs. However, your opinion on a neutral subject or the mention of some like or dislike can move introductions toward friendship development.

To get a feel for the other and an idea about where to take the conversation it is important to observe the other’s reactions to what you are saying. A person who is interested in what you are saying will show it and may even speak it, just as a person who is not interested. Paying attention to verbal and non-verbal cues will help you in initiating a friendship with a stranger.

All too often we look at our interactions with others the wrong way. We look at our interactions as if we should be liked, rather than for us to like first. How many of us have asked the question, “Why don’t they like me?” Maybe it’s because we really didn’t like them.

Unfortunately, many of us can often be too self-centered and self-absorbed when it comes to the “liking” issue. We fail to look at our end of liking the exchange, like we have no responsibility in the interaction. The truth of the matter is that if you want people to like you, you must like them first. However, there’s a little more to the liking process than just liking someone first.

The first responsibility we have in the liking process is to ourselves. Many of us didn’t learn this in our early years. Others in some way and somehow lost exactly what that means in relation to their interactions with others. It’s actually a very simple concept when you think about it for a moment and it’s a concept that is supported and documented throughout time in a variety of literary works. The concept is this: ‘to like yourself first’. Liking yourself is vitally important to liking others and you cannot like others if you don’t like yourself. It all begins with you.

If you don’t like yourself it will be impossible for you to truly like others and for them to like you. When we don’t like ourselves this comes out in every aspect of our communications, whether verbally or in body language. If we don’t like ourselves our words and actions will speak that truth and people may tend to avoid us. The same is also true when we like ourselves, except that when we like ourselves people tend to be more attracted to us. Liking ourselves is the first law of attraction as it relates to personal interactions.

Liking ourselves opens the door to liking others. Because we like ourselves we have developed, over time and through experience, qualities for ourselves that naturally come out in our interactions with others. Some of those qualities are self-respect, self-trust, and self-confidence. These are only three examples of liking and likable qualities for almost everyone, and there are more that are specific for each individual. Let us add that we have a natural tendency to look for agreeable qualities in others as we develop a likeness toward them.

The first building block to liking someone is to find those qualities in them that are agreeable to you, or that you like. This should make natural sense because, for example, we tend move into deeper conversations with those we have agreement with and tend to short the conversation with those we find disagreement. It’s a human instinct to gravitate towards and develop bonds with those people we see agreeable qualities or something we like in.

Sometimes liking others can be a challenge because you may find, from time to time, some disagreement with someone you are developing a likeness for. When you find yourself in this dilemma know that none of us can possibly agree all the time and about all things. Instead, focus on those qualities in the other person that you like. This is a very important concept for those who are involved in new and developing friendships.

The liking process is a reciprocal event. By liking others you will be liked. However, it all starts with yourself. By knowing and liking yourself you will able to like others and they will like you.

Can you count on the fingers of one hand the number of true friends that you have? Would you like to increase your circle of friends and prove to yourself that you have ‘people skills’ and you can get more people to like you? This may be easier said than done, especially if you are the loner type - but there are steps that you can take in order to win friends and influence people.

You do not need to entirely change who you are just to make other people like you. What you can do instead is to ‘adjust’ your attitude so that you can ooze that self-confidence that a lot of people would like to attain, without being over-the-top. At the same time, you can take on a positive way of thinking and attitude so that you can attain these two goals: by learning how to win friends and influence people. Take a look at the following easy-to-follow tips which are a sure-fire way of attaining your personal goals:

1. Learn how to take risks.

When you walk into a room full of strangers, do you just go straight to your destination, sit and mostly keep to yourself? If you do this, you may think that you are saving yourself from rejection or hurt - but you are actually doing the opposite. By not taking a risk and sticking to your old habits, you are sending a message to other people that they should stay away from you. However, if you smile, take a general sweep of the room and try to make small conversation with a friendly stranger, you are sending a message that you are easy to talk to.

2. Remember that it is not all about ‘you’.

When talking with a first-time acquaintance, do you often find yourself talking about nothing else but “yourself”? Remember that the person that you are speaking with has his or her own life, too. In order for you to win friends and influence people in a positive way, you need to learn how to initiate a two-way conversation.

After saying a little about yourself, encourage the person that you are talking with to tell you something in return. This is where your knowledge about a wide array of topic becomes useful. Once you find a common ground, you can talk about that and take the conversation from there. If you are joining a group of people, try to inject some humor into the anecdotes that you are sharing, and encourage other people to do the same so that you will not dominate the conversation.

3. Be as sincere and honest as possible.

In the course of interacting with people, you will find that those who are most honest and sincere have the most number of friends. If you are not one of those ‘people magnets’, you can take a small step and start being one by being a little more open with your interactions with other people.

A little honesty will go a long way, and you may even be surprised at how much people are willing to share once they see that you are genuinely interested with what they have to say. Maintaining eye contact, remaining polite with your gestures and trying to make other people feel as comfortable as possible would also help a lot in making people like you.

In learning how to win friends and influence people, you do not necessarily that you need to create a new ‘you’ just to make other people like you in turn. By staying humble, injecting a little sense of humor into your conversations and maintaining a positive frame of mind, you are bound to attract new friends and influence people to widen your social circle and live a fuller and better life.

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