Archive for the ‘Self Confidence Builders’ Category

How to Talk With Confidence

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

Having confidence in yourself can make a world of difference in relating to the outside world. If you fear what is out there you won`t accomplish much toward your reason for being here. Each of us has a purpose, whatever that purpose might be. And we all have to discover it for ourselves. But in that discovery you will find your confidence growing and you will uncover how to talk with confidence.

We all have varying degrees of confidence, and moreover, it can change from challenge to challenge. For example, there are large numbers of people who don’t have the confidence to talk with people. They are easy to identify because they have that look of “I want to say something, but I’m scared” on their faces.

These people listen attentively and are interested in the discussion, but may feel that their contribution will get laughed at. If you are one of those people who doesn’t have confidence when talking to others then what follows is for you.

Here are some pointers on how to talk with confidence.

1. Slow down

Many people who lack confidence in talking with others will sometimes talk so fast when given an opportunity to talk that those who are listening quickly get lost in what is being said.

If you are talking too fast for people to understand you they will turn you off, and this will further damage your confidence in talking with others. To preserve what confidence you have, relax and talk at a moderate talking speed.

2. Practice speaking with confidence

Confidence is something we build with practice and experience. There is not one baseball pitcher ever born with the confidence of striking batters out. The pitcher had to practice and improve his skill and in that comes the confidence he needs to strike a skilled batter out.

Every chance you get, practice speaking with confidence. Talk to yourself in your mirror as if your reflection was another person.

3. Increase your vocabulary

Having a good verbal repertoire will help you talk with confidence because you are more verbally flexible. And believe it or not, people who can clearly understand what’s being said and then can clearly express themselves, are people that most people find interesting to be in a conversation with.

You can quickly and easily increase your vocabulary by committing to learn one new word a week. Sounds simple? It is!

4. Look into their eyes

If you lack confidence in talking to anyone, don’t show it. One of the best ways you can do this is by looking into the other person’s eyes when either of you are talking, even if you don’t feel confident inside.

First and foremost, looking into the eyes of the person you are talking to says you are sincere and confident. When someone doesn’t look you in the eye while talking with you it could indicate shame or that they have something to hide.

Don’t give that impression to anyone.

5. Watch the red flags

There are red flags that can send a message to the other person that you don’t have confidence.

The questions, “You know?” and “Right?” are two examples of red flags of a person who doesn’t have confidence and needs to hear the other person’s affirmations. In the business world those two are unprofessional, and in severe cases, very annoying.

These questions can be used in a positive way to encourage listening and agreement but never question like this out of a need for approval. If you do the lack of confidence you are expressing will negatively impact the conversation.

6. Feel confident

Let yourself experience the feelings of confidence in those moments that you are feeling confident. Your confidence can be built and reinforced best when you can see it and experience it. There’s a saying somewhere that indicates if you act confident you will become confident. There is a lot of truth in that.

There are many people who need confidence, or more of it, when talking with other people. Following these points will show you how to talk with confidence.

Tags: How to Talk With Confidence
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How to Gain Self Confidence and Destroy Limitations

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

People ask me all the time – what can I do to gain self confidence? And I give the same answer. Nobody wants to hear the truth but I`ll tell you anyway so you need to be open minded and prepared to test it for yourself.

You develop confidence by making a habit of doing what is impossible for you. That`s it in a nutshell. Yes, you can prepare better, you can visualise success and you can even read tons of books about gaining self confidence but none of that good work will amount to anything unless you get out in the real world and do what is impossible for you.

Be unreasonable, do the impossible and make a habit of going beyond your previous best and you`ll discover something amazing about yourself. You are much more capable and much stronger than you can even imagine. It is only when you stretch beyond your self-imposed limits that you discover how powerful you really are.

When you see great achievers rack up success after success they go beyond their own previous best results. They make a habit of doing what is impossible. And often they persist and achieve greatness simply because day after day they persisted in moving the imaginary line of what is possible.

If you want more self-confidence with people you can develop it quickly by making a point of always going beyond previous limits. Aim to get rapport with the difficult people in your life, assert yourself with those who never listen and go ahead and talk to those people in your community you always wanted to talk to but didn`t because you felt shy.

Over days, weeks and months of going a little beyond your self-imposed limits you`ll notice your confidence growing and growing. Feeling confident and in charge will be your new normal way of living.

Is it really that easy? Yes, it is as long as you have an attitude of always learning and improving. Sometimes you`ll make mistakes. That is perfectly normal. Even the most successful and confident people have ups and downs. If you try and fail simply try something different next time and even better get advice from someone who has proven skill when it comes to what you are becoming more confident at.

If you want more confidence at work for example you could talk to a family member or friend who has a track record of confidently moving ahead in business. Ask how he does it and simply copy his approach in a way that suits your personal style.

Again let me repeat the fundamental principle you can take onboard and act on today to develop lasting self-confidence… you develop confidence by making a habit of doing what is impossible for you.

And because confidence is an emotional state that “I can do it” feeling in one activity will positively impact all aspects of your life. If you go beyond your limits in sport, at work or remodelling the house, you`ll notice that feeling confident becomes your normal way of feeling regardless of what you are doing. You`ll feel more capable dealing with problems and issues in all areas of your life and as a result you will make better decisions and people will be much more responsive to you.

People like and respect confident people. As you become more confident you`ll find others are more attentive to what you say and more willingly to help you out. And that is one of the most important reasons to put an end to lacking confidence. Life is more enjoyable and its easier to get ahead when you get the respect you deserve. Its like walking with the wind at your back instead of walking headfirst into a gale.

Start right now and gain self-confidence by making a habit of doing what is impossible for you. Living like this puts the excitement back into life. Go ahead and test these ideas and you`ll see what I mean!

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10 Ways To Be More Confident When Meeting New People

Monday, July 20th, 2009

Meeting new people isn’t always that easy. You don’t know
what they will think of you and for most of us, that is a
worry. It’s important that people like us. For that reason
as much as anything else, we don’t always know what to say
when we meet new people.

It’s therefore understandable that you might lack confidence
when meeting new people.

Mainly, we lack confidence when meeting new people because
we want to impress them. Nobody likes to be rejected, and it
is the fear of rejection, even from a complete stranger,
which makes us nervous when meeting new people.

Once you understand what it is that is making you nervous
about meeting new people, you can overcome that nervousness.

Here are 10 tips which will help you to feel more confident
when meeting new people:

1. Take someone with you

In most situations, you don’t have to go alone when you have
to meet new people. You will probably feel much better about
meeting them if you have a friendly face beside you, because
you already know that your friend knows and likes you for
who you are, so it softens the potential blow of being
rejected by these new people.

With a friend by your side, it doesn’t matter what these new
people are like; you will still have at least some support.

2. Remember these new people you are meeting are only human!

Everyone has their faults. That includes the new people you
are meeting. Stop worrying that they are perfect people and
a standard up to which you should hold yourself. You don’t
necessarily have to live up to their standards and ideals at
all.

3. Don’t assume you are being judged

Why would you be? If you have met for some common interest
or cause, it is far more likely that these new people will
be concentrating more on that than on judging you,
particularly in a negative way. Just try to be yourself and
trust that this is good enough, because it really is!

4. Try to relax

Of course, relaxing is easier said than done when you are
feeling nervous about meeting new people. However, if you
aren’t relaxed, your brain will focus more on your panic
than on what you want to say.

Your brain will start to shut down rather than focus on what
you want so say, so you will actually create a worse
impression of yourself than if you were able to relax a bit,
so it does pay in meeting new people to try to calm yourself
down a little.

5. Prepare some things you want to say

Everyone has experienced the situation mentioned in the
previous point, where you become so nervous you are
tongue-tied and literally unable to speak, or at least
unable to think of anything to say. Prepare for this.

There are two kinds of scenarios you can prepare for here.

The first one is the easiest, where you know in advance that
you are going to be meeting new people for a specific
purpose. That may be a business meeting, arranging for some
work to be done on your house etc.

In this kind of scenario, you can quite easily write down
and rehearse the information you want to give them and the
things you want to ask.

Let’s think now about the types of meetings with new people
where there isn’t a specific purpose. These are usually
social gatherings.

You can prepare a list for these too, only this time it will
be a more generic list of light inoffensive topics to talk
about and also some questions to open a conversation with
and get people talking.

6. Keep that list with you

Remember that list of topics and questions you made? You
can take it with you for the meeting. In fact, if you are
going to a business meeting or setting up someone to do some
work for you they will expect you to make notes and bring
them with you as you talk.

That should take some pressure off you and ease your nerves.
You won’t have to worry about forgetting what you want to
say. You can always check your notes.

If you are in a social situation, you probably won’t want to
whip out your written list from your pocket to consult it,
but you won’t need to. For social situations, you will need
to prepare some generic topics and questions that will suit
a variety of situations.

7. Treat yourself to a new outfit

You will approach meeting any new people a lot more
confidently if you are happy with the way you look. It’s
surprising how good a new outfit will make you feel,
especially if it is one picked especially for the occasion
so it is really appropriate for it.

You don’t have to spend a million dollars just to feel a
million dollars. However, wearing clothes you know are in
good condition and which suit you and are appropriate to the
occasion, should really help to boost your confidence when
meeting new people.

8. Be true to yourself

Being yourself can be a little easier said than done,
admittedly, but it is important. If you are nervous about
meeting new people, often you will over-compensate by trying
to impress them. That can cause far more problems than it
solves.

In meeting new people, you should always stick to your own
moral code and the things you believe in. If people don’t
like you for who you really are then they aren’t good
friends for you and you don’t need them.

Trying to be someone that you’re not won’t feel so good in
the morning when you have done things you don’t want to do,
or when people find out you were only really faking it.

Faking never gets you anything but heartache and trouble,
but if you are acting in a genuine, natural way, and people
are getting on well with you, this will really boost your
confidence.

Even if people like a fake representation of you, it won’t
boost your confidence as you will never know if they like
the real you. There just is no sense in faking it.

9. Accept that some people won’t like you

You shouldn’t be scared of the fact that not everyone will
like you. You don’t like every other person in the world, do
you? There will no doubt be people whose morals and opinions
you disagree with. That doesn’t necessarily make them bad
people; they are just not your type of people.

You are free to dislike some people and that does them no
damage whatsoever. The same is true of people disliking you.
It doesn’t do you any harm, and you may well not like the
ways in which you would have to change yourself to get their
approval. It’s not worth it.

Liking yourself is far more important than having other
people like you, but the great thing is that if you like
yourself, you are more likely to have people like you.

10. Get out there and practice

Like most things, meeting new people gets easier with
practice. You should start the easy way, saying hello to the
person at the checkout, making small talk with the newspaper
boy, etc. You can try out these techniques on people where
it really doesn’t matter if you make a lasting positive
impression upon them.

This way you can sharpen your skills so that you are better
able to try them out when it really matters.

So there you have it, 10 ways to be more confident when
meeting new people. You can start in small ways, and really
build on that confident feeling so that you never worry
about meeting new people and talking to them again.

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