Communication Skills Power

A great many people have trouble with nervousness, shyness, and a host of other “issues” that make it difficult for them to interact with others. Well, there are a number of ways you can relieve yourself of that problem, and we are going to go over them now.

First off, you want to become comfortable with the idea of being around other people. An excellent way to start that is by getting involved in community theatre or by taking an acting class or a class in public speaking. The point is, you want to learn to feel at ease when speaking before a group of people. Either of these two methods can do that for you. With acting on the stage, it gives you the opportunity to essentially become someone else. You become a character; you become someone else, and that can be a real stress reliever for a lot of people. Then, gradually, you can transition this to a general feeling of ease when dealing with people in just about any setting.

It is said that the best way of overcoming shyness or a feeling of nervousness is to imagine your audience all in their underwear. Well, that can boomerang on you. For some people, nudity makes them nervous. The real key is this: you want to find something that calms you down. So, maybe it is simply taking a few deep breaths before speaking. Or, it could be a certain sound or image. If you grew up on a quiet, peaceful island and had a favorite fishing hole, maybe picturing that place - its sights and smells in your mind is the best way of relaxing when speaking with others.

Of course, maybe you are not shy at all; maybe you feel fine speaking to others. Okay, another thing to consider is how you use (of all things) pronouns. Stop and think; do you use “I” an awful lot, do nearly all the sentences you utter start with that? Well, that can be quite the turn off for a great many people. Even if you are a very interesting person, you have to yield the floor every once in a while. If all you talk about is you, people are going to lose interest in carrying on a conversation with you.

Next, there is the matter of learning to listen, and not just act like you are listening, but truly listen. It is said that there is nothing people enjoy more than talking about themselves. So, if you ask people about themselves, and then ask good, solid follow up questions that show that you are really listening to them, it will help you to build up your ability to connect with them. The last thing you want is something like asking someone what their favorite movie is, they say “Lord of the Rings”, and then you go off on a twenty minute rave about your favorite rings! That is not connecting with another person.

Another thing that can help you in interacting with others is simply by being able to speak about a plethora of subjects. If you’re an Electrical Engineer, and that is all you can talk about, that will make dealing with others very hard. So, read the newspaper, watch the news, and see about following what is going on in the world today. If you do not have an opinion about who should be the next President of the United States, people are probably going to roll their eyes at you. If a woman asks you where you want to eat, and you say any place she wants is fine; you may think you are deferring to her. But, she may look at you as not having a strong opinion about anything. This does not mean you push, but at least offer a suggestion.

By following some of these simple steps, you can help make yourself a more confident person.

There is a certain attitude that makes any interaction more
enjoyable and much less stressful. Once you grasp this simple
concept you will never again be intimidated by the prospect of
meeting new people and even those you have found difficult to
talk to in the past can become like old friends.

The secret is to approach any conversation with the intention to
give to the other person. When you give with no sense of needing
or wanting anything in return you simply cannot fail. When you
are not worried about getting something in return you cannot be
rejected and this will relax you.

Of course, everyone loves to talk to someone who is not only
relaxed and at ease but keen to give. All of a sudden, this one
shift in outlook, can transform the way others view you and
interact with you.

You´ll find people very pleased to see you and more attentive
when you talk. They will treat you like a trusted old friend
even if you have only recently met the other person.

And best of all, your deep friendships will be based on giving
and sharing. When you give first by listening, by caring and by
being supportive others will tend to reciprocate - they will go
out of their way to help you in return.

Can one shift in outlook make such a big difference to your
performance? You bet it can!

You see, most of us are so busy we often fail to take the time
to get to know our colleagues and neighbors. We politely say
“hello!” and “goodbye!” at the right times but never get around
to connecting with these people.

Before we know it, years pass by, and we never move beyond a
superficial familiarity. Why? Because social interactions are
treated as negotiations…

- if he approaches me then I´ll talk to him
- if she listens to me I´ll help her out
- when he gives me what I want I´ll return the favor
- if she doesn´t start the conversation I´ll ignore her

All of these examples illustrate common barriers to social
interactions based on fear, a lack of confidence and
insecurities. In each case if you remove wanting something from
the other person from the equation the problem disappears.

In contrast, when you talk with a giving attitude: you listen
more closely to what people say and how they say it, you put the
other person first and only talk when they have expressed what
they need to say.

In this paradigm interacting is not all about you - you put your
complete attention on the other person and something very
interesting happens. You stop feeling self-conscious, you don´t
worry about rejection and your confidence grows.

All of these great benefits come about because you are going
into the conversation to give and not to take. A total focus on
the other person keeps your mind too busy to worry about
yourself and how you look or sound.

Can you have this attitude of giving and still get what you
want? Of course you can! And it´s much easier than arguing your
case or pleading for help.

First of all, open the conversation by giving with sincerity.
You can do this in a number of ways:

- smile, be friendly and aim to make the other person comfortable
- really listen when he speaks rather than waiting your turn
- give your complete attention to the other person and ignore
the environment around you. Make him have no doubt he has your
100% attention.

The key is to follow through on all these points with sincerity.
Don´t just play at it but really live this attitude of giving.

Next, if there are any ways you can help him, do so. In an
office environment that could mean providing information,
resources or a contact that can solve a problem. In a social
setting, it might involve offering your informed opinion on a
topic you know a lot about. Either way, your goal is to help
first where possible before asking for help.

Finally, after first giving complete attention to this person
and helped him he will be more than receptive to helping you.

Sounds simple doesn´t it? It is but it only works if you follow
the formula with the right attitude. If you follow the above
steps with no concern for the welfare of the other person it
will show.

The secret is to sincerely give without stressing about wanting
something in return, This ironically creates the perfect
environment for receiving what you want.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

by Peter Murphy

We all get tongue tied at times when we really don´t know
what to say next. Maybe you get stuck when talking to
authority figures such as your boss or bank manager. For
someone else certain situations might bring on that
self-conscious tongue-tied moment.

What can you do to avoid getting stuck for words?

1. Trust yourself more

Forget about being perfect and don´t demand that you say
the right thing at the right moment all of the time. It
really is okay to make little mistakes and to learn from
them.

Do forget about perfection because it does not exist in the
known world. Doing what you can with what you´ve got in any
moment is all anyone can reasonably demand of you.

And usually, the more you trust yourself and get on with
it, the more often you will be surprised at how well you
will do. If you pay attention every experience will be an
opportunity for you to get better, much better.

2. Learn like a child

When you were a child you were a highly advanced learning
machine! You learned new skills and understandings at a
phenomenal pace. You were unstoppable in your quest for new
experiences and new learnings.

As adults we need to remember to tap into this fascination
for life. Kids learn by observing AND doing. Adults often
forget the doing part!

In terms of making great conversation, allow yourself to
learn by doing. Make mistakes, learn what does not work and
improve one conversation after another. You will move ahead
much, much faster when you live in this way.

3. Apply the knowledge you already have

It is very likely you already know how to start a
conversation, how to keep a conversation alive and how to
engage the interest of another person.

However, knowing what to do and using what you know are two
very different things. Here is a useful guideline you might
like to keep in mind — you only know what you can do.

Unless you are getting good results with a technique or
approach that you understand - you really have not learned
and integrated it into your life.

The best way to take on board and use what you think you
already know is to spend a little time each day reviewing
solid material on communication skills. Review it and then
use it during your day when you deal with people.

Before you know it those tongue-tied moments will be a
distant memory of how you used to be.

Now, what else can you do right now?

Get out your copy of my book and join the thousands of
people around the world who are using it to live happier
lives based on excellent people skills.

Click here now to get your copy:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/

All the very best,

Peter Murphy

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com

Start your 365 day trial today.