There is a certain attitude that makes any interaction more
enjoyable and much less stressful. Once you grasp this simple
concept you will never again be intimidated by the prospect of
meeting new people and even those you have found difficult to
talk to in the past can become like old friends.
The secret is to approach any conversation with the intention to
give to the other person. When you give with no sense of needing
or wanting anything in return you simply cannot fail. When you
are not worried about getting something in return you cannot be
rejected and this will relax you.
Of course, everyone loves to talk to someone who is not only
relaxed and at ease but keen to give. All of a sudden, this one
shift in outlook, can transform the way others view you and
interact with you.
You´ll find people very pleased to see you and more attentive
when you talk. They will treat you like a trusted old friend
even if you have only recently met the other person.
And best of all, your deep friendships will be based on giving
and sharing. When you give first by listening, by caring and by
being supportive others will tend to reciprocate – they will go
out of their way to help you in return.
Can one shift in outlook make such a big difference to your
performance? You bet it can!
You see, most of us are so busy we often fail to take the time
to get to know our colleagues and neighbors. We politely say
“hello!” and “goodbye!” at the right times but never get around
to connecting with these people.
Before we know it, years pass by, and we never move beyond a
superficial familiarity. Why? Because social interactions are
treated as negotiations…
– if he approaches me then I´ll talk to him
– if she listens to me I´ll help her out
– when he gives me what I want I´ll return the favor
– if she doesn´t start the conversation I´ll ignore her
All of these examples illustrate common barriers to social
interactions based on fear, a lack of confidence and
insecurities. In each case if you remove wanting something from
the other person from the equation the problem disappears.
In contrast, when you talk with a giving attitude: you listen
more closely to what people say and how they say it, you put the
other person first and only talk when they have expressed what
they need to say.
In this paradigm interacting is not all about you – you put your
complete attention on the other person and something very
interesting happens. You stop feeling self-conscious, you don´t
worry about rejection and your confidence grows.
All of these great benefits come about because you are going
into the conversation to give and not to take. A total focus on
the other person keeps your mind too busy to worry about
yourself and how you look or sound.
Can you have this attitude of giving and still get what you
want? Of course you can! And it´s much easier than arguing your
case or pleading for help.
First of all, open the conversation by giving with sincerity.
You can do this in a number of ways:
– smile, be friendly and aim to make the other person comfortable
– really listen when he speaks rather than waiting your turn
– give your complete attention to the other person and ignore
the environment around you. Make him have no doubt he has your
The key is to follow through on all these points with sincerity.
Don´t just play at it but really live this attitude of giving.
Next, if there are any ways you can help him, do so. In an
office environment that could mean providing information,
resources or a contact that can solve a problem. In a social
setting, it might involve offering your informed opinion on a
topic you know a lot about. Either way, your goal is to help
first where possible before asking for help.
Finally, after first giving complete attention to this person
and helped him he will be more than receptive to helping you.
Sounds simple doesn´t it? It is but it only works if you follow
the formula with the right attitude. If you follow the above
steps with no concern for the welfare of the other person it
The secret is to sincerely give without stressing about wanting
something in return, This ironically creates the perfect
environment for receiving what you want.
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm