Communication Skills Power

Single people may have a harder time to develop self esteem than people who are in a relationship. This is because singles usually have to act as their own life coach while people in a relationship receive constant positive feedback from their loved one.

The self image of a single person may suffer when he or she experiences a setback or when he or she feels under attack from other people. It is at times like that when the single person needs help in bolstering his or her self esteem.

How can a single person improve his self image? Well, first you have to understand what a self image is:

1) Self image is usually formed during early childhood. Your self image is how you view yourself. But that view of yourself can be influenced by the perspective and opinions of other people. If you have been routinely told that you are ugly and cannot be loved, that belief may carry over into your life as a single person.

2) Majority of the beliefs and rules we adhere to are formed in response to internal needs that we have, which may not be related to reality. These needs result from expectations of us by other people - such as our parents, teachers, and other authority figures.

3) Value and belief systems trigger the creation of should statements. Like: I should get married this year (a common should statement of a single person.) But these should statements may not be based on reality - in the case of a single person, there may not be any eligible and appropriate person to choose as a mate. But the single person still feels that he should get married this year because of the expectations other people have of him. Value and belief systems are very powerful and should not be underestimated.

4) If you opt to do something other than the should statement running through your head (like, choosing to prioritize your career over pursuing marriage plans) then eventually the single person will feel guilty because he did not choose the should statement. This may foster poor feelings of self worth.

Your self esteem though should not be held hostage to your value and belief systems. It is possible to develop self esteem though it will require some work on your part. Here are the steps to go through:

1. Re-assess yourself as an adult so that you can re-structure your self image. This means adopting standards that are appropriate for adults.

You might be surprised how many people adhere to standards which were alright for children to stick to but which are fairly ridiculous for adults to keep. For example, children have to follow this rule: never talk to strangers. But as an adult, you will have to talk to strangers at some point (maybe even on a daily basis.) So you need to change that rule to one that you can follow as an adult.

2. Determine how you judge yourself - is your analysis of yourself founded on reality or is it made up of statements that other people made about you? Perhaps the way you judge yourself is totally founded on pure fiction - like, if you tell yourself that you will never be able to succeed at golf but have never even tried to play the game.

Some people are naturally shy so they tend to tell themselves such fictitious statements because they are afraid of the possibility of failure. The problem is that this keeps them from pursuing the possibility of success.

3. Maintain an attitude of acceptance towards yourself and towards others. Sometimes we maintain such exacting standards about other people and ourselves that we end up being miserable because no one can meet those high standards.

Perhaps these rules have helped you in your search for better self esteem. If you know someone who needs to develop self esteem, do exert effort to help them as well.

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Building self esteem is synonymous to achieving our goals. If we want our children to be achievers we must be able to feed them with the need for having healthy self esteem. A person with good self esteem is most likely to do well in any organization.

Self esteem is an integral part of personal happiness and fulfilling relationships. Self esteem is how much we value, love, accept and appreciate ourselves. It is reflected in the way we interact with other people and face life challenges.

Self esteem is not something we are born with; rather, how we were brought up plays an important role in its development. Here is a helpful guide for parents who want to build the self esteem of their children.

1. Praise your child. Always have a word of praise ready for any job done. No matter how simple or great an accomplishment is, praise your child. This makes him feel appreciated and encourages him to do more. The feeling of confidence is engraved in the psyche of the child.

2. Take time to listen. As parents, often times we fail to really listen to our children, often jumping to conclusions and giving our verdict. Children must be listened to. It is the feeling of getting attention from their parents that counts. When we listen to our children we give them a sense of being valued, accepted and loved.

3. Respect them. One way of showing respect to our children is in the way we speak to them. Whether in private or when in front of other people we must speak to them respectfully. Parents are the first people children interact with. We teach them to use kind words so it is only right that parents practice using them. Receiving respect is one way of feeding their self esteem.

4. A touch, a hug is more than just attention. Nothing is more comforting and fulfilling than the feeling of being loved. To a child the feeling that someone is there gives them a sense of security. And this attention gives them freedom from future insecurities.

5. Train to win. Allow them to compete. Teach the rule of sports: It is not about winning the game but how you play it. Achieving to win must be the objective but be able to support them when they lose. It is a self esteem boosting experience when they experience winning in early childhood.

6. Let them be surrounded by good and trustworthy friends. While children are still young we still have the chance to choose friends for them. It is however somehow dependent on the circle of friends we have because more or less the children of our own friends are the very ones they will be around with. So parents, be in good company yourself.

7. Give them room to make mistakes. We must learn the art of focusing on the positive and not on the negative. Teach them that committing errors is a natural thing and learning from mistakes is one of the great teachers of successful people on earth.

Childhood experiences lead to a healthy self esteem. Parents can make or break their child as far as this foundation is concerned. This guide to self esteem is effective as long as it is consistently practiced. We are role models to our children and they are intelligent individuals. They can detect sincerity or otherwise at a glance.

Logically the parents themselves must have good self esteem to be able to build it in their child. Children with good self esteem are able to handle mistakes, disappointments and failures. They are able to face the challenges of life. It is very important that parents be able to practice building self esteem in their children - their very future is dependent on it.

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How many ways of improving self-esteem are there? It plays an important role in everything we do. Having good self esteem makes one enjoy life to the fullest despite his social standing in life. In fact, some of the most prominent figures in society have problems with their self esteem. The adulation received by actors from the public is no guarantee of good self esteem. Some actors are desperately insecure off stage. Some rich and famous people are victims of low self esteem. Where then do we get good self esteem? If we have low self esteem, are there ways we can improve it?

Let us first take a look at its meaning. The word esteem comes from Latin which means to estimate. So self esteem is how you look at yourself, how you estimate yourself. It is a strong influence on how we live our lives. People who constantly received encouragement from home tend to have better self esteem than those who did not. Improving it helps us live life and savor our achievements.

If you have suffered disappointment and made mistakes in the past and now suffer from low self esteem then read these helpful tips to get you out of that state.

1. Think positive thoughts about yourself. This allows you to outweigh your shortcomings. Stop destructive thoughts. Daily do the exercise of saying something good about you. If possible, write it down and place it where you can see it the whole day. Constant reminders cause you to live and believe it.

2. Aim for accomplishments and not perfection. There is nothing wrong in aiming for perfection - however, most of the people who failed in this goal ended up unhappy. Aim for accomplishment and enjoy doing it.

3. View mistakes as part of learning. Accept the fact that we all make mistakes. People who do not make mistakes are those who do not do anything. Remind yourself that part of developing your ability and talents are committing errors on the way. We do much of our learning through our mistakes. We have the right to make mistakes, we are only human.

4. Experiment. Do new things, try different activities that will help you know what gifts you have. Your talents must be cultivated and developed. Take pride in what you have.

5. Recognize that there are things you can and cannot change. We cannot change our height or the past that we had. Love yourself the way you are. If you have the ability to change some things you are unhappy with, then change it.

6. Set goals. Plan what you would like to accomplish and how you would do it. Stick to your plan and keep track of your progress.

7. Do voice out your opinions and ideas and take pride in them. We all have the right to have our opinions and ideas be heard.

8. Tell yourself that you are a very special individual. Even identical twins are not completely the same. You were created as a unique individual capable of doing small and great things.

9. Respect yourself. This allows you to gain respect from others. More than anything else, love yourself, you deserve it. It is you who should be able to value your worth, despite what other people think.

10. Learn to listen to criticism. Criticism is an opportunity for you to improve. Often, we encounter unfair criticism - it is only fair then to tell the other person that we disagree with his opinion. Calmly get your message through with a smile.

There may be other ways not mentioned here but we will surely learn it along the way. Remember to practice these ways of improving self esteem and you will be a better person for it.

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