People often wonder what is the most important aspect of a relationship. Is it compatibility? Having things in common, the same religious or political beliefs? What about honesty, or getting along; never fighting? No, being able to talk is the key; communication, because, as long as you can talk and respect each other’s views, then you have a healthy relationship.
So, when trying to communicate with your partner, what are some things to avoid? Well, one common mistake people make is the manner in which they talk to their partner. Unless you are attending a college class, you probably do not like to be lectured. Well, your partner is the same way. So if you have a problem with some aspect of the relationship, don’t sit down with them and just lecture or yell at them. Communication is a two-way street. Talk to them, and then listen to them.
Next is honesty. If there is something about your partner that is bothering you, or some as- pect of the relationship that you feel needs to be worked on – say so. Nothing hurts a couple more than one person holding something inside and letting it fester there. It will only serve to poison your feelings, and sour the relationship. Sometimes, this can be very difficult. If your partner is opposed to having children, and you really want them, this can lead to a break up. Yet, far better you separate than remain together and both end up unhappy. Or, on the other hand, by talking about something, you may find that they share your views, and the matter can easily be agreed to. Finally, there is the option of compromise. Maybe you can’t work things out to perfection. But, if you are both truly committed to the relationship, you should be willing to find common ground.
One very common mistake people make when trying to talk about something is not doing just that. They start out talking about an important issue and then get side-tracked. This often happens when one of you brings up something that is painful for the other to deal with; you will change the subject in order to defend yourself. As tempting as this may be, don’t do it. Keep your focus on the matter at hand.
It is said that our lives are very full these days. Work, family, hobbies etc. fill up our time and make a simple conversation something you almost have to do online via instant messaging! This can lead to another common mistake for a couple: either putting a conversation off, or trying to do it in the midst of the chaos of their lives. Talking means doing just that! So, the two of you find a nice comfortable place to do it, and elminate distractions. Also, don’t wait until the last minute right before bed to try and have a heavy-duty serious chat. That is the time to discuss a sexual fantasy, not whether or not you should buy a new car!
This may sound odd, but sometimes you need to make a date to talk to your partner. These days, we schedule so much in our lives, why not a time to talk? And, it doesn’t have to be a very complex matter. Something as simple as deciding that every Sunday morning the two of you go out to breakfast can do it. A nice local diner, the Sunday paper, and some privacy. You eat, chat, read, and then discuss anything that is truly important. A relationship is like anything else in this world; it has to be worked on, fed, and nurtured if it is to grow and live and develop into something lasting.