Many relationships today fail because of communication problems. Being able to effectively communicate with your partner is essential to the happiness and success of all relationships. Let us look at some common mistakes men make when communicating with their partner.
Not listening to your partner is probably one of the most significant mistakes anyone can make in a relationship, and men in particular are often more guilty of this mistake than women are. When women communicate with anyone they generally seek a degree of emotional connection with the one they’re speaking to. This trait is a development of their social upbringing. The connection your partner seeks is established through genuine and active listening.
Listening to your partner is not just about nodding your head in understanding. There’s more to listening than that. Actively listening requires you to be interested in what the ther person is saying. This means maintaining eye contact and, as your partner talks, to paraphrase some of the key points they are talking about. Paraphrasing is a very effective way to show your partner you are paying attention and are interested in what they are saying to you. The conversation then becomes interactive, something most partners do seek in their relationships.
Another mistake many men often make in communicating with their partner, and which is related to listening, is giving advice when it is not asked for. Socially speaking, men are taught to be problem solvers, especially when it comes to their partner’s problems. Men are socially taught that they are the protectors and because of this they tend to respond in a protective way. However, this is not always what your partner is seeking from you. Your partner is not always seeking protection.
Men often like to get in there, fix the problem and be the “knight in shining armor” in the eyes of their partner. However, often your partner doesn’t want to hear your solutions, much less are they in need of your heroism regarding everyday matters. When a man communicates in this manner he is actually shifting the attention from his partner to himself. Moreover, when you do this your partner may interpret this as egotistical. When your ego gets involved it may actually be counterproductive to what your partner is really looking for. Rather than riding in on your white horse, many times your partner wants to sense your understanding and empathy regarding their problem. They often want to sense an emotional connection with you in the relationship.
Men also often make the mistake of putting their partner down when communicating with them. Perhaps the put-downs are joking, but your partner may not be seeing it as a joke, especially when they are trying to have a serious conversation with you. Joking comments about your partner’s appearance, intelligence, or any other personal aspect is not constructive communication in any conversation with your partner and will often take the conversation into hostile territory. Whenever someone we care about puts us down it hurts and we have a tendency to become defensive, which can turn a conversation into a personal argument.
However, the number one complaint from partners is the fact that men tend to interrupt their partner. Men do this for a variety of reasons. But the number one reason, as was indicated earlier is that many men often think they have the solution and know what their partner is saying before it is actually being said. This is actually a presumptuous behavior and is common in many long-term relationships. It’s common because some men think that they know their partners better than their partners know themselves.
If you want to enhance your relationship with your partner there are two things you must do: first, let go of yourself, and secondly, listen to your partner like it was your first date.