Want to know how to be confident?
Confidence is easy When You Know How…
Having confidence is all about believing in yourself and
the only way you can build your belief in what you are
capable of is by taking action in the world and learning
through trial and error.
(That is the secret to how to be confident.)
If you think success, happiness and love are going to happen
without learning through mistakes along the way you are
Our brains are wired to learn from our own experiences as
well as those of others. Without experience how are you
going to learn anything?
Let me give you an example. At my local bank a number of
weeks ago I attempted to make small talk with the cashier
and she completely ignored me.
Last week I was in the bank and tried my small talk routine
again, and again I failed. She ignored me again!
There are a number of ways to view this situation:
1 My communication strategy is not working
2 I need to change my approach
3 I will learn from this experience and become better
A number of years ago I would have given this situation a
1 She is rude and ignorant. She thinks I am a moron
2 I feel crushed by this blatant rejection
3 My confidence depends on this person liking me
4 Time to find a new bank!
Notice the difference…
My old outlook sets me up for pain and frustration and puts
the ball in the court of the other person. My confidence
depends on how the other person responds.
My new outlook puts me in control. I created the results I
am getting, I can choose to change my approach and I can
decide to learn and grow from every experience.
A second point worth mentioning is that of wanting something
from someone versus giving.
When you approach dealing with other people as getting
something from them you will always have confidence issues
instead view conversations as giving and you are back in
With the bank cashier if I want to get something from her I
focus on wanting her to accept me and this neediness will
be picked up by her. She is unlikely to respond positively
If instead I give what I want then I will decide to accept
her. And she will receive my acceptance and likely reflect
it back to me.
My confidence then is based on giving – something I am in
charge of not someone else.
Now it is time for you to take this information and put it
Think of a situation where you are typically not as
confident as you would like to be.
If the reason is due to a lack of knowledge or ability then
work on that first. If you do have the necessary skills
then decide to take action and learn step by step from
Start with a small challenge and gradually step up to
Remember to use this outlook:
1 What is working and what is not working?
2 Change your approach until you get the results you want
3 Decide to learn from every experience
Your confidence is under your control and is not controlled
by someone else!
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals
the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate
with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available
for a limited time only at:
How to be confident is a question of strategy!