One of the biggest challenges to developing superior
communication skills is that you already have your hands full in
those situations where you need help. Take a typical scenario –
meeting new people.
If I give you tips for listening more effectively and you rush
off to practice the tips you may not get very far no matter how
hard you try. Why? Because you are likely to be self conscious
when you need to be other conscious. Standing in front of the new
people you want to meet you freeze and you feel so unsure of
yourself that you cannot remember even one of the listening tips.
You need the ability to switch off self consciousness whenever
you choose to do so. Sounds obvious only how can you do this?
By switching your attention off of yourself and onto the other
When you are feeling self conscious you will tend to pay too
much attention to the thoughts inside your head, how you are
feeling and how you look.
Ironically, to develop great rapport you need to pay close
attention to the other person. How is she feeling? How does she
look today? Is she relaxed or tense?
The Three Elements To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness
1 Turn off the inner dialogue that makes you feel self conscious
One way to do this is to touch the roof of your mouth with your
tongue when you are not talking. We tend to move our tongues when
we engage in inner talk even if only very slightly. When you put
the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth you interrupt
the negative inner talk pattern.
Sounds simple. It is! I could write more and more about this tip
but it would not help you as much as just using it. I will leave
it to you to test it for yourself.
2 Give yourself a lot of external stimulation
To keep your focus off of yourself you need to put more and more
attention on the other person. If you only listen to her words
you still have plenty of idle brain power that will drift back to
make your self consciousness grow.
Instead you need to give your conscious mind so much to pay
attention to that you are totally absorbed in the other person.
Become fascinated by how she expresses herself and not just
by what she says.
Keep stacking on more details to simultaneously pay attention to
until you are challenged without feeling overwhelmed.
Here is a list of some elements to focus on:
– rate of breathing
– speech rhythm
– pupil dilation
– changes in skin tone
– speech patterns
– posture and movement
– combinations of the above
The more you pay attention to the other person the less self
conscious you will be because you will have become other
conscious. Which is in fact the hallmark of people who make
friends easily. Your clear interest in the other person will
3 Patient Persistence
The final point to remember is that patience and persistence
wins the day. Play with these strategies a little each day and
you will start to exhibit the traits of people who are supposedly
gifted with people skills.
People skills are a matter of strategy. Learn the strategy,
practice it and you too will enjoy the benefits that come to
those who get along well with whoever they meet.
At the same time you need to earn the riches that await you.
Many know what to do but few do what they know.
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at: